Paddling pool (Red Syndications)
The watery playground Citroen 2CV (Glasgow Evening Times)
The Gallic runabout Gleneagles (Scot Sun)
The five-star Perthshire getaway Johnny Vegas (Derek Brown)
The rotund funnyman Brut after-shave (Toni Jones)
The potent green pong Chainsaw (John Coles)
The whirring powertool Michael Jackson (Splash News, LA)
The moonwalking entertainer Hail (John Coles)
Large balls of the freezing ice Engelbert Humperdinck (Bizarre's Derek Brown)
Perma-tanned hipster
Side-burned crooning legend Gordon Ramsay (sub?)
The Michelin-starred stove ace Daleks
(James Clench) The tinny tyrants from Skaro
(News sub) Gravel-voiced salt-shakers
(Brian Flynn) Plunger-armed monster
(Jamie Pyatt) The pepperpot-shaped trundling nasties Darth Vader (Clench)
The heavy-breathing turncoat Jedi McDonald's (Soraya)
The haven of burger addicts Oliver Skeete (Kathryn Lister)
The Rastafarian equestrian Kentucky Fried Chicken (Bizarre)
The fatty snack Pheromones.(Preposterous sex series)
The subtle sex perfumes The panda (Sunday Times mag)
The sooty-eyed mammal Mutant, three-headed frog (PA)
The strange, multi-faced creature Pressure cookers
The useful devices for quick cooking Lorraine Kelly on Mr Liza Minnelli, David Gest:
The facially-challenged self-styled impresario Marmalade (Alastair Taylor)
The sugar-rich preserve Scottish Accent
The Scottish style of speaking Pies (Specialist News Service)
The humble pastry parcel
The pastry case dinner Wombles (Sally Brook)
The furry litter-pickers The Office Xmas Special (Mohan)
The double-barrelled festive parting shot for the Slough cleaning product salesman Brazilian
The severe bikini treatment The Vatican
The Pope's Italian base in Rome. Kilt (Bizarre)
The tartan garment Viagra (Jamie Pyatt)
The trouser-bursting tablets Splinter (Jamie Pyatt)
The lethal shard of wood Samurai sword (Scottish Sun)
The two-foot long oriental blade Kama Sutra (Daily Star)
The sacred Asian sex text Cheques (Isabelle Kassam)
The paper payment system Kids' scooters (Sally Brook)
The lightweight aluminium transporters Lovehearts (monitor: Phil Todd)
The fizzy message-bearing sweets Korean dictator Kim Jong IL: (Trevor Kavanagh):
The tiny totalitarian Giant squid (Brian Flynn)
The 41ft pink blob
The weird lifeform
The Bermuda blob
The tentacled monster
The long, pink lump of leathery flesh Sausage (BB4)
The fatty breakfast treat Head lice (Jeremy Vine, Radio 2)
The sesame-seed sized, six-legged parasites Squirrels (Brian Flynn)
The bushy-tailed creatures Bumblebee (Tim Spanton)
The yellow and black pollinator Mariah Carey (Bizarre)
The perky-boobed singer Magpie (Sunday Telegraph)
The rampaging carrion Morris Dancing (Angial Press Agency)
The stick-banging dances Tapas (Bill Todd)
The multiple nibbles. Canteen trays (Newscorp house journal)
The wooden carriers School (Dave Morgan)
The local seat of learning Lion (Bizarre)
The fierce animal
The maned beast Cancer (John Kay)
The creeping illness Ron Davies (Mark Bowness)
The wood-loving romper Brit human shields in Iraq (Nick Parker)
The duffel-coated Glastonbury Festival regulars
The woolly-jumpered peace group Concorde (Charles Rae)
The famous drop-nosed jet False leg (Jamie Pyatt)
The walking aid India (Sally Brook)
The distant sub-continent Snowball (John Troup)
The freezing cold projectile Omar Bakri Muhammed (Neil Syson)
The gammy-legged extremist. Rubber ring (Jamie Pyatt)
Inflatable doughnut-shaped watersports toy Hedgehogs (Mel Hunter)
The prickly critters Snoring (news short)
The noisy grunts Scarves (Fashion's Fiona Reardon)
The woolly fashion items Alzheimer's (John Scott)
The memory-sapping complaint Shawls (Fatima Bholah)
The multi-coloured crochet creations Sunken treasure (Katy Weitz, debut entry)
The watery bounty Prostitution (Evening Standard)
The taboo service Sugar and salt (Sally Ann Voak)
The popular flavourings Nigel Kennedy (Bizarre)
The lumpy-necked fiddler Postman Pat's cat (Sun news story)
Genial Pat's furry feline sidekick Saudi Arabia (News)
The desert kingdom Uri Geller (Frank Thorne)
The wacky mystic spoon-bender Traffic cone (Robin Perrie P7 lead)
The lightweight obstacle North Pole (Lorraine Kelly)
Earth's most northern point Wallflowers (Peter Seabrook)
The rewarding biennial David Seaman (Sun Sports pages)
The pony-tailed stopper Simon Cowell (Brian Flynn)
The casually-dressed music industry supremo Seaside rock (James Clench)
The eight-inch minty sticks Polar Bears (Giovanna Iozzi)
The ambling shaggy white beasts Beavers (Oliver Harvey)
The dam-building mammals Squirrels (Lorraine Kelly)
The bushy-tailed little nut-eaters Marmite (Newslist)
The thick black relish
The tangy black paste Marmite (Tony Banks in Commons)
The wonderful savoury
The tea-time favourite Goat (Corr copy)
The elderly, cloven-hooved nanny Beards (Sharon Hendry)
The chunky chin-blankets Pretzel (Grant Rollings)
The brittle or chewy glazed, usually salted, slender bread often shaped like a loose knot Tomato ketchup (newslist 16.12.01)
The runny red favourite Cod liver oil (Tim Spanton)
The foul-tasting health liquid Toffee (Trad.)
The chewy comestible Santa (Trad.)
The red-jacketed festive gift-bringer Prawns (Trad.)
The tasty sea creatures Hand-grenade (Trad.)
The pineapple-shaped munition | 
