If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Growing old is mandatory... Growing up is optional!

The proctologist called... they found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory... some just don't have any film.

Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

I used to have a handle on life... but it broke off.

Of all the things I've lost......I miss my mind the most!

Guys... just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Some people just don't know how to drive... I call these people "Everybody But Me."

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

If you can read this... I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander... It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!!

Macho Law prevents me from admitting I'm wrong

There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation wouldnt cure

Julie Cheetham added these...

I dont suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Consciousness....That annoying time between naps.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

There are 3 kinds of people, those who can count, and those who cant

Sometimes I wake up Grumpy, othertimes I let him sleep

Beam me up Scotty, theres no intelligent life here

Support mental health or I will kill you

Youre just jealous because the voices talk to me