1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet drink with a chocolate bar, the calories in the chocolate bar are cancelled out by the diet drink.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie related foods (buttered popcorn, hot dogs, pick n mix etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories -- the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanutbutter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

9. Foods that have the same colour have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other food colour.

10. Anything consumed while standing over the kitchen sink, has no calories.