Led Astray

It is 1988 and I'm working at the press offices of Warner Records in Kensington, London. The company is flush with record sales from the likes of Madonna, Prince, Fleetwood Mac and The Bee Gees. My own little roster includes James, The Soup Dragons, Motley Crue, Brigitte Nielsen, Miriam Makeba, Biz Markie, John Zorn and Ace Freeley from Kiss. I think I've already told you my Ted Nugent stories, and remind me some time to give you the lowdown on how Nikki Sixx died on us, momentarily, just before a UK tour...

Anyway, both Jimmy Page and Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin are signed to the company. It's the former who first walks into the office, immaculate in pinstripe and sporting an eerie smile. We shiver as he glides past. A few weeks later and the request arrives; I must set up a college press conference for Robert Plant.

He's promoting an album called 'Now And Zen' which is nearly as awful as the title suggests. That's not the main problem. It's the idea of getting a score of badly organised and oddly staffed college mags to attend an event in London. In the days before e-mail and mobile phones. But I persevere and on the appointed day, Robert's office calls to say that actually the press conference is off, as the singer isn't feeling at his best. In the next two hours, a relay of excited student journalists arrive from all over England, only to be told that it's no go.

We reschedule and the artist finally arrives. He nips into the toilet first and meets a colleague who is gargling some medicine. Robert is curious and the guy exclaims that he has a throat infection. Robert then says something utterly unrepeatable, which delivers a horrendous insight into the rock and roll lifestyle.

He enters the press conference swinging a baseball bat. He is all charm and exhibits less of the vainglorious aspect that we underlings had experienced. And so all the college people leave the room with a smile and a dozen impeccable anecdotes.

Me, I couldn't listen to his voice for a decade or so afterwards. But hey, his last two records were actually rather great. And it's quite a big deal that he's announced a Belfast date at The Waterfront, November 2. Ramble on, old fella.