Necks In The City

I was talking to a fairly cool musician the other day, but I just couldn't take the guy seriously. Granted, he was making decent music, he wore a suitably obscure T-shirt and his sneakers were the orthodox canvas brand. His hair was stylishly presented but sorry, the man had huge sprouts of hair on the back of his neck. Even worse, the growths were wiry, untamed and white. And if you really want me to be frank, the hair was essentially pubic.

It wasn't a good look. I've run a check on this, and in the often absurd history of fashion, no-one has ever made a case for the hairy nape. You can put tattoos there, you can even affix a few metal piercings if it makes you happy. But unless you're a silverback gorilla, the fuzzy stuff isn't going to make you more attractive.

I always thought this was known as a neck beard. But no, this name is apparently reserved for hair under the chin. Interestingly, there is a small cult who dig the combo of clean face and luscious undergrowth. Henry David Thoreau rocked the neck beard, and more recent dabblers have included Ringo Starr and Glastonbury founder Michael Eavis. Even David Beckham has ventured there, with predictably silly results.

Not nearly as problematic as the hairy back and sides, though. It didn't work for Frank Bough and it won't work for you, pal.