Imitation of a Leaky pipe
Hi there,
It's Mr Gee here, the guy who has the unenviable task of frantically trying to condense the mayhem of the show into a short sweet poem at the end. This usually results in me constantly scribbling for 1hr 58 minutes, before running to the microphone to try and recite it one time. With such experiences of penmanship in hand, Russell turned to me one day and said "Hey Gee? You always seem to be aimlessly doodling away, while I'm acting all professional like and trying to do this show. Why don't you write a blog entry?". Translation: "Gee, the camera people haven't turned up to film my video-blog.......H..E..L..P!"
And so here we are, my first stab at the R2 Blog entry :) To be honest, I feel slightly apprehensive doing this as I know that Russell, Matt and Trev have made some great entries. I almost feel like the 'new boyfriend' going around to meet his girl's parents for the first time. There's always that underlying fear (isn't there?), that no matter how charming and affable you may try to be, her mum may still give you that hardcore stare that says "Boy if you ever hurt my daughter, you better imitate a leaky tap....and keep running!" (yes, such experiences have happened before)
Anyway, I'll try and do my best to take care of your precious 'Pride and Joy'. So let's start:....seat belts on....mirrors checked.....keys in ignition.....and brakes released....
I went down to the Red Nose Day broadcast last Friday, I must say that it was an impressive event. Hats go off to everyone: from the organisers to the general public, the celebrities to the cleaners who put in their time and effort to make it all work. I was behind the scenes with Matt and a few others, everywhere you looked there were Comic Relief staff all rushing around at a mad frenetic pace to keep the show together. Russell was most certainly in his element and put on a class performance. The delicate mix between the humour of the acts coupled with the horror of the video footage requires careful handling. Let's face it, there were some serious issues covered that night and the appeal for donations is always the primary issue at the end of the day.
The next day I arrived at the Radio 2 studios and (as per usual) the only thing that I know can be expected is....the unexpected(!) Russell had met some guy in a cowboy hat claiming that he represented Stevan Segal who had expressed a desire to be on the show. When we asked exactly where Mr Segal was, he replied, "Stevan's on his way". When we asked if we could speak to him Russell ended up being put through to someone else with a distinctly Scottish accent! (I must confess that I was starting to have my doubts about the validity of this Lone Ranger fellow). So picture the scene: here we are trying to record the show, time is running out and instead of interviewing the action movie star, we're stuck with someone dressed like an extra from a Clint Eastwood movie!
The tension was mounting, knuckles were being cracked. As each track got lined up and played, all that we kept hearing from the cowboy was: "Not long now, he's on his way, he's stuck in traffic". Now it was kind of difficult for me to imagine Stevan Segal being merely 'held up in traffic'. All this time I was visualising that he was embroiled in fighting hordes of ruthless ninjas from a secret underworld sect whose sole intent was to prevent any mention of his blues song 'Alligator Ass' appearing on national radio!
Eventually, it all worked out and I made a mental apology for doubting 'Josey Wales'. Steven Segal glided in like Obi Wan Kenobi and we got all excited like sugared-up Ewoks!. He's a pretty calm and laid-back character, so cool that he could make a polar bear smile! (but evidently not an alligator!)
I finished off with this poem, (since the show went out on St Patricks Day, I threw in a few references)
The Gift of the Gab
I've been known to write a Limerick,
Stones of Blarney have been kissed,
Corks of bottles popped,
Egal's donned, putcheen's been missed,
But this linguistic tryst is nothing compared to the chatter,
The lyrical pitter-patter of Russ & Matt's quick-witted banter.
Let's kick-off with Jonathan Ross sounding off,
There's Gym-sticks, porn-flicks & villages of chocolate,
Ruled by little boy-kings loving the Kinks,
Doing the 'Snow dome', Kicky-boots stomping!
And whose been romping in Brandy's 'Love Shack?'
Relieving the comic to stop prostate attack,
Noel's got the facts and Steven had our asses Under Siege
Russell you deserve a Saintly Pat for pulling these Tricks from up your sleeve!
Thanks...
peace gee
Wow. Mr gee you've done a blog. it's great you could compete with matt and Russ. But what's happened to them... won't they be posting a blog entry?
Woo Mr Gee! Nice to see you've written a blog! I don't know how you can write a poem with all the madness in that studio! My hat's off to you, sir!
I bloody enjoy them words you do out o' your brain. clap
by the way, is 'Gee' your actual second name, or are you like my primary school teacher who had an obsenely long name which no one could pronounce.
So everyday would be like:
'Yo Mr G when's lunch?'
'Hey Mr G, how come your hair is so unruly, yet so tame?'
'Mr G, Mr G, my mumma called you a sex on legs - what's that mean?' - he was a stud incase you hadn't guessed.
oh, yeah, and whats your first name? or is that part of Mr G's charm... an enigmatic type fellow that puts words together so they just sound right.
Much Love Mr Gee.
Sounds like you had a mad show. I really liked when Jonathan Ross came in and started shouting and swearing i haven't laughed so hard in ages!
amazing poem as always (but you already know this!)
I can't help reading that blog without imagining Mr.Gee's accent. That doesn't happen when I read Matts!
Hi Gee, It was nice to bump into you during the 16 hour onslaught that was Comic Relief. A mad frenetic pace indeed, much coffee and being shoehorned out of the taxi at 6am. Russell was great wasn’t he? -like a swan on a springboard in the middle of a whirlwind! The critical mother of a girlfriend can’t be as bad as the critical mother of the boyfriend. I bet Segal has a mother, a third of his size (did he grow or was he constructed?) that wreaks retribution with the vehemence of Hades itself upon any poor unsuspecting girl that dares to even slightly besmirch his alligator ass.
Take care, Ione x
Word up Trevor! x
Thank you for including your poem Mr. Gee! I always enjoy the wit and rhythmic brilliance of your verse. It would be awesome if you posted your poems more often.
Love the show!
I ended up watching the whole of Comic Relief all the way thru after all. Dissertation? Pah!
Russell was Ace...as were all the presenters on the night. Altho the Ricky Jervais sketch caught me hook line and sinker...The Swine!
Westwood was hilarious, tho was hopin for Russell's impression...managed to catch "Pimp My Application" on MTV one time, pun not intended, (...that's one for the old school) and was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Brand sounded like a demented pterodactyl or sammink or naffink.
However, the night was not about pandering to my selfish amusement...and it's always heartwarming to see what can be acheived when people are made aware of the appalling situations that our fellow human beings are forced to endure. A bit of compassion goes a long way.
I agree that Tony Blair's acting skills did make uncomfortable viewing...Far from making me laugh, he had me quivering behind a big cushion. For a man that believes he can justify spending £40Billion...U kno the rest. It's interesting to do the math; If 1Billion is equivalent to 1000million, Comic Relief's raising of £40million on the night (not an achievemant to be scoffed at) is equivalent to about 0.1% of MoD's long-term budget for replacement of its long-range nuclear missiles. Crazy.
As for Sat's show...Steven Segal gives me the creeps. Don't kno why. But Mr Gee? Genius at work...
PEACE!
Oops! Just read a previous comment that points out it was £20Million for the MoD budget. So that's equivalent to...um...O I give up! It's still a crying shame.
Later.
"I bloody enjoy them words you do out o' your brain. clap"- Sam ^^^^
indeed, me too. hearing your poem at the end is like the lyrically dextrous icing on an anarchic and often sexually deviant cake!
Nice Mr Gee, could you ask Russell or someone to update the tracks played list please. Thanks geezer.
Super poem Mr. Gee! Just the one inaccuracy - the crazy illegal Irish drink is poitin as opposed to putcheen!
But how in the world would you have known that! Impressed that you knew of it!
Going to get drunk now on some 80% booze made of potatoes!
Hey Mr. Gee nice to c u stepping into the big bad world of blog writing. Though it does seem to me that Russ n Matt could no longer take the hardship that is....blog writing lol. Nice to see that u can finally express your motivating and wit filled poetic streak, even with all the madness that im sure goes on in the studio. Well done!!
Keep up the good work!!
Love the how
=D x
I had A dream one night, I awoke in the morning and this dream held allot of information about the future, I can only explain it like this... if you have ever had the great blessing of being given a roll in life and awareness whereupon you can see with open eyes as to what is going on. you will be closer to the truth. you get up every morning and see and talk to people with completed understanding, and those that don't, this is my roll you should know, don't have that understanding , so those that do are gifted and are given positions in life to lead. and will help you to that understanding. I experienced so many things in this dream, as the dream told me a bout the future, I l could not believe as I hope you will understand it sounds unbelievable. aliens no. sorry no I thought of that and , sincerely I am sure they are if they exist at home looking for a good C.D. of tracks that light there life up, ebay or Amazon, in this world. who knows. I digress. This is just one story of this dream, and many, I repeat for you that here many, I was round a friends house and i was sitting down, this reads like a manual, but stay with me, my friend showed her guests to the door, and a child was with us, he was by the door. he looked back back at me, i looked at him, then as he looked at me I saw him look over my shoulder, left then right. I also looked, and on my left I saw a marble figure in mist to the left and again to the right. well I nearly ran. and at that moment i remembered the dream, I want fame, no. I would like Love. Nice... If fame came with love we would kill for it... yes... well i didn't run, i felt the most loving feeling there was, like when my dad died and he held my hand some days before he died. I like russle as he understands me, I hope !!!! if you dont give that man love
sorry no real comment but of my own desperation and need for a real good,,,, then again i might not see the directinless........... but the pointlessness thinking????????????? a poor bauld child in a supermarket of worry""""""""" congestion charge needs direction£££££, the shamless boringness of all of this life, though he, staggers his own life to salute the !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but this is a pointless excibition of a comment again, but atleast i'm not dfrunk or stoned///////// fatal dreams are the future realization,, but the strenght of the future is the now the memorie of the past))))))))))))))) as people hold other people up to the light and then&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& pasue for recolection and the dream has gone,,,,,,,,,,,,, thought not to get a little more serious(((((((((((((((((((( people go out an never come back, as so i have read........................... but it's not the going out which worries it's not comming back, i've read. People send me things in theire thoughts but seldom think of the damage**************** but in realization there is nothing more then to think of them the least^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^but manic and panick both sound the same,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but when they pass him they seem ashamed%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% sometimes they go on and on but never realize the passion$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$it's the poets last breath but it get's reaction$$$$$$$$$$ though to finnish and tell a lie, is to start the world a new!!!!!!!!!!!! call them that live on ayre, that is true in earth still new.
omg russell brand is da sex
omg russell brand is so fit