Lenny's the big bad granddaddy!

Couldn't we get Kelly Marie, Scarlett and the ghost of Ewan on a Jeremy Kyle/Derek Anconah double-header TV special to resolve once and for all the paternity issue?

Annoying prole-baiter Kyle and failed footballer-cum-ghost botherer Ancorah could jointly prove to Lenny that Ewan is indeed the father of the apparently mute Calum. Derek's Ethiopian spirit guide Sam would use his ethereal tracking skills to book Ewan for the show while single mother Kelly Marie woud be variously patronised, insulted and inappropriately 'comforted' by pint-sized irritation Kyle. For dramatic purposes, it could be done as a dream sequence for Mollie when she's on a break from telephone and gossip duties at Amber Cabs.



At a time of high unemployment and a stagnant labour market, I really hate to have to do this but I think it's time to ask if Gabriel is actually required to work at the amusement arcade at all? Kelly Marie seems to have assumed, and is on top of, all the operational tasks and security, while hands-on Lenny controls important managerial business like paper-shuffling, stuffing cash in envelopes and legal meetings. This week we discovered that Gabriel can't even do the one thing that the others can't and which might have justified his role - fixing the arcade's machines! His 'job' at the moment seems to consist of dispensing romantic advice to annoying lovestruck brat Nicole (has anyone else heard of a teenage girl anywhere in the world who seeks such advice from a sleazy middle-aged serial philanderer?) and hanging around the Brodie house helping himself to their tea and biccies and interfering in their family's private affairs.



Given that half of Shieldinch now live in Charlie's flat, I couldn't quite work out to whom the tragic single can of Premium Brew (anyone tried it?) in the fridge belonged? Can't be midget-fancier Stella because she kicked the habit ages ago, and Annie wouldn't be seen dead drinking such stuff and she'd have ordered her poor, faithful sheepdog Charlie to stay away too. So is Iona resorting to solitary drinking of Premium Brew and where is she getting it? Everyone is Shieldinch is only allowed to buy groceries at her snobby deli so I don't think such a downmarket product would be available there. And does she only do it during her increasingly desperate 'sofa' days? It makes me sad to think of her in her jammies half-watching Jean Claude Van Damme films, dreaming of what could have been with Bob, all the while getting blootered on premium strength alcohol.

What a scathing wit you are Banksy. Not very PC tho to refer to Stella as a "midget Fancier" tho.

Point taken, Tambourine. Bob's more of a midget gem..oh, God no, that's worse. At least Ricky Gervais is famous enough to get away with this sort of thing...