Fran the Kiss-A-Scam

Fran the Scam is turning out to be really sly and conniving but what else would you expect from Tam McCabe's little sister?! She's definitely out for revenge on Lenny Murdoch but just how is she going to achieve it? Well it looks like her plan so far is revenge by (evil) passionate kissing! I'm sure Lenny will be totally raging about that, all men just absolutely hate it when an attractive woman comes on to them!! Nah, I'm sure she has bigger plans than that but those plans may have to change now that DI Donald has made her his informant. Oh what a wicked and complicated web they weave, we'll have to pay close attention I think! She also used her eeeeevil kissing on poor Jack. He's been getting in the way of her Kiss-A-Scam so she's accused him of sexual harassment in attempt to get rid of him, hopefully the truth will come out!

Now, what about that foxy old devil Malcolm eh? His family were determined to make him feel like an old codger this week. When he slipped on a roller skate breaking his wrist it looked like they might have been correct after all but Malkie proved them all wrong! When some neds tried to mug Liz, super Malcolm swooped in with his sidekick Gabriel and showed them who's boss! GO MALCOLM! You'd think a man of 80 would be worn out after the day he'd had but he still had the energy to ask Liz for an 'early night' - oooh lalala! I love Malcolm and Liz!

Zinnie the Pooh was on top form tonight but I don't think I'll be buying 'Zinnie's Guide to Bagging Your Man' anytime soon, I like to think it would read a little something like this:

Step 1: Fake an illness

Dress inappropriately and take yourself down to the surgery to get an appointment with the handsome doctor. Don't worry if he's out on house calls, I have a contingency plan, see below.

Step 2: Fake a Friend's Illness

In order to lure the doctor to your house, pretend that your hungover flatmate has the flu so that the handsome doctor has to do a house call. Come on really strong and flirty so that you just freak the doctor out, it's all part of the plan gals, guys secretly love this stuff. Top Tip: give your flatmate a mint so that he doesn't reek of last nights booze and give the game away.

Step 3: Fake a Hobby

The key to getting a man to like you is to pretend you like the same things as him, so in this case, what you want to do is steal a bike, wear some silly clothes and pretend you have a flat tyre just as the doc is walking by. A word of caution with this one, take the bike away from the scene of the crime otherwise you might find yourself in the awkward situation where a teenage boy comes up and asks for his bike back, blowing your cover.

Step 4: Stalking

If all else fails just follow them around the streets and invade their privacy by spying on them at an AA meeting, this could reveal valuable information. Top Tip: if you overhear them talking about how much they love their ex-wife, it's time to move on and find someone else that will appreciate all the previous efforts.

Eh, yeah, great plan Zinnie, it sure worked a treat! I can't wait to read Chapter 2!

Let us know what you thought of this week's episode by commenting below.

Quote of the Week

Robbie (to Zinnie): "If you wana get Dan to notice you, throw yerself under his bike!