Archives for October 2011

Now, what about that foxy old devil Malcolm eh? His family were determined to make him feel like an old codger this week. When he slipped on a roller skate breaking his wrist it looked like they might have been correct after all but Malkie proved them all wrong! When some neds tried to mug Liz, super Malcolm swooped in with his sidekick Gabriel and showed them who's boss! GO MALCOLM! You'd think a man of 80 would be worn out after the day he'd had but he still had the energy to ask Liz for an 'early night' - oooh lalala! I love Malcolm and Liz!

Zinnie the Pooh was on top form tonight but I don't think I'll be buying 'Zinnie's Guide to Bagging Your Man' anytime soon, I like to think it would read a little something like this:

Step 1: Fake an illness

Dress inappropriately and take yourself down to the surgery to get an appointment with the handsome doctor. Don't worry if he's out on house calls, I have a contingency plan, see below.

Step 2: Fake a Friend's Illness

In order to lure the doctor to your house, pretend that your hungover flatmate has the flu so that the handsome doctor has to do a house call. Come on really strong and flirty so that you just freak the doctor out, it's all part of the plan gals, guys secretly love this stuff. Top Tip: give your flatmate a mint so that he doesn't reek of last nights booze and give the game away.

Step 3: Fake a Hobby

The key to getting a man to like you is to pretend you like the same things as him, so in this case, what you want to do is steal a bike, wear some silly clothes and pretend you have a flat tyre just as the doc is walking by. A word of caution with this one, take the bike away from the scene of the crime otherwise you might find yourself in the awkward situation where a teenage boy comes up and asks for his bike back, blowing your cover.

Step 4: Stalking

If all else fails just follow them around the streets and invade their privacy by spying on them at an AA meeting, this could reveal valuable information. Top Tip: if you overhear them talking about how much they love their ex-wife, it's time to move on and find someone else that will appreciate all the previous efforts.

Eh, yeah, great plan Zinnie, it sure worked a treat! I can't wait to read Chapter 2!

Let us know what you thought of this week's episode by commenting below.

Quote of the Week

Robbie (to Zinnie): "If you wana get Dan to notice you, throw yerself under his bike!

Doctor Handsome rode into Shieldinch on his shiny bicycle but had mixed reviews from the Shieldinch residents. He wowed Iona, Hayley and Robbie with his apparently astounding derriere, amazed Kelly-Marie and Bugsy Malone with his (fairly mediocre) magic tricks, charmed Tattie, Leyla and Liz with his tact and generosity and for a while it seemed like everyone was eager to sample his bedside manner (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). However, Molly took an instant dislike to the new Doc when he mistook her for a bin raider in what has got to be one of the funniest scenes in recent memory! Imagine thinking Molly was a hobo, she's got a kitchen hatch in her flat and everything!

He made a mistake getting on the wrong side of Mouthy Molly as she wasted no time in spreading the rumour that he was drunk on the job. Michael wasn't very happy either when he discovered that Dan had failed to mention that he was a recovering alcoholic. Michael true to from went off on a major rant, will that man ever get off his high horse?! So, the tables had turned and everyone was against our Doctor Handsome, whatever was he to do? Why morph into Indiana Jones of course! Adeeb climbed into the rickety old portacabin after his baw and fell through the roof (serves him right for looking at nude pictures while he was up there) and impaled his thigh on a chair leg! OUCH! Doctor Handsome sprung into action, scaling the fence, jumping through the roof and fashioning a tourniquet from a shoe lace! What a fella! The fickle people of Shieldinch were won over straight away - hoorah, everyone loves him again!

Elsewhere, Kelly-Marie and Scarlett were still obsessing over Lenny suspecting that Bugsy Malone is his grandson. Scarlett was getting all het up and tried to control Kelly-Marie's every move but in the end she defied her mother and took a job in Brodie's Arcade. I particularly enjoyed Gabriel's interview technique's which consisted of witty banter and inappropriate flirting, it's just as well he doesn't have an HR department.

Fran the Scam has her feet well and truly under the counter at the salon, she has successfully charmed Robbie and Hayley but Jack isn't so easily swayed. He knows that there is more to her than meets the eye, but what is it? All was revealed in the last scene - she is Vivien McCabe! Why is Thomas McCabe's sister sniffing round Lenny Murdoch? All will be revealed soon!

Let us know what you think of all these goings on by commenting below!

Quote of the Week

There were so many brilliant Molly moments in this episode, it was very difficult to pick my favourite but I have gone for the one that made me laugh the loudest but with a hint of shock!

Molly (to recovering alcoholics Stella and Dan): "There's a bad smell roon here...whiskey nae doot."

We have so much to discuss this week! Where to start?? Well how do you like our new swanky website? The darker colour scheme ties in with our new opening titles for the show which I think look pretty darn good. River City has got all sleek! What do you think?

This week also saw the arrival of some new faces. First, we had Doctor Handsome, I mean eh, Dr Dan Hunter who was welcomed to Shieldinch by a traditional Glasgow Kiss from Lenny! Oft, that was some head butt! Hopefully he'll have an easier time of it next week.

Then we had the mysterious blonde sidling up to Lenny at the bar. But wait, haven't we seen her before? Why yes, she was at McCabe's graveside looking very upset and giving Lenny dirty looks. So why by the end of the episode was she in Shieldinch batting her eyelashes at him?! Suspicious!!!! WHO IS SHE?!

Lenny got about a bit this week - it wasn't all head butts and sultry blondes! He spent time trying to convince Amber to let him take the blame for McCabe's death but to no avail. Amber is staying in prison for a long time, not only that, she's transferring to another prison far, far away because fellow inmates "won't let her sleep" - never heard of Nytol darlin?

Lenny then went into meltdown: got ridiculously drunk, got all philosophical at McCabe's grave, smashed up his office, threatened Murray, head butted Dr Handsome, decided to leave town and tried to sell Gabriel his half of the arcade. Phew! Kelly-Marie saw some of this madness and decided that she wouldn't tell Lenny that Bugsy Malone is his grandson. However, it looks like Lenny might be on to her anyway! He spotted her at Ewan's grave and was struck by the similarity between Callum and Ewan, the Mighty Murdoch won't be letting this one go!

Bob and Stella are very sweet aren't they? Things got a bit shaky when Stella started freaking out about their relationship moving too quickly. The idea of dinner with Bob's family had her panicking and winking like a maniac. She needn't of worried though, the Mullens don't need heirs and graces, they were happy with a chippy and some Irn Bru, but aren't we all?

The Brodie famly were being dysfunctional as usual and it was Uncle Gabriel to the rescue! Conor and his stupid mates were bullying Nicole. Leyla despaired and didn't know what to do. If she'd told Michael, he would have stormed in all guns blazing which would have solved nothing. Instead Gabriel solved it calmly and reasonably by talking rather than shouting at the kids. Who knew that Gabe could be so sensible? Ha, in your face Leyla! He ain't as dumb as you thought he was!

It's been an eventful week so let us know what you thoughts on the episodes, new website and new titles by commenting below.

One last thing - River City will not be on next Tuesday, you can see the next episode on FRIDAY 14th October.

Quote of the Week

Gina (to Stella): "And seriously, you have to work on your winking, it really wisnae clear." - this made me laugh because it really was the worst winking I've ever seen!