Read Part 1 of The Janine Who Stole Christmas
Christmas was cancelled, the presents were stolen.
The one stocking left, had nowt but a hole in.
Janine was indoors hogging everyone's treats
While Kat and young Tiff were out hunting the thief.
And yet, as she opened each gift with a giggle
Janine couldn't help feel a worrisome niggle
Revenge felt so good, yet she couldn't erase
The look of pure horror on Tiffany's face.
Poor Tiffany. Really she wasn't so bad.
In truth she didn't deserve to be sad
Now, Bianca gets nothing. Or Pat? Ha! Ha! Good!
But ransack Tiff's Christmas? Not even she could.
And so with a sigh, she went for her sack
So the Butchers at least would have their pressies back.
Really, such softness made Janine feel icky
But aside from young Tiff, she owed it to Ricky.
But as Janine dressed and got ready to peg it
Kat found some footprints and started to leg it
Towards Janine's house. Right up to the door
She was going to catch her and give her what for.
Meanwhile, Phil Mitchell woke up in his bed
And reached for his pressie, but found there instead
A note saying "You stupid old fool! You've been had!
You're a loser, a bully, a terrible dad.
... I've taken your present. I've got it! It's mine!
Your nasal hair strimmer will do me just fine."
And Phil, red with fury, stomped out with a roar
Straight into Kat as Janine shut the door.
Unseen, undetected, behind all their backs
As Phil stumbled groggily into her tracks.
"Mitchell! Phil Mitchell! We've got you, you thief!
You think you're invincible? Now you've got beef."
Brave Tiffany squared up and glaring at Phil
Said, "You did it! You stole 'em! Call the old bill!"
And Phil just laughed.
And laughed.
He thought it was funny?
The Square's biggest crime since the Christmas club money?
"You think that I did it? That I stole your dolly?
My gifts are gone too! You're right off your trolley!"
So with Phil off the hook, where was the cheat?
Well, Janine returned home with her mission complete.
She'd returned Tiff's presents. And the rest of those pests'.
Now Janine could look forward to opening the rest
Of the gifts that belonged to the poor folk who stood
In the Square, in the cold, baying for blood.
But lo! Janine rummaged around in her lair
To discover the presents were no longer there!
She ran outside yelling. "Help! I've been robbed!"
"You and the rest of us," Dot and Rose sobbed.
And they gathered around and gave her a hug
And promised they'd track down that dastardly thug.
"Stop it!" said Alfie. "We don't need that stuff!
Come to the Vic for a festive knees-up!"
And everyone beamed and went in from the snow
And while Kim stood suggestively 'neath mistletoe
In an effort to get the one present she wanted,
Janine was confused: was Albert Square haunted?
And then, out of nowhere, the lights all went out.
"What's happening? We're cursed!" Denise shouted out.
But as Kat lit the candles, they discovered with glee
Each pilfered present 'neath the Vic Christmas tree.
And when Morgan and Whitney texted Liam's phone,
To tell Tiff her presents were waiting at home,
Everyone rejoiced and hugged one another.
And Janine said 'Bah humbug' and left with a shudder.
And so, we leave our friends in old Albert Square
With the spirit of Christmas afloat in the air.
And to all EastEnders fans - right through to the Queen,
Let's hope your presents aren't nicked by Janine!
Illustrations by Martin Geraghty
