Horn Of Africa adoption season: reuniting families

The BBC’s Horn of Africa language services (Afaan Oromo, Amharic and Tigrinya) featured an adoption season as part of their unique coverage - here, journalist Meheretselassie Mokonnen gives a glimpse into the stories they showcased.

It can’t just be the 50% DNA we share with our parents that make up the spirit of being a family. I believe the experiences within a family play a significant role- like teething, report card days, birthdays and so on. By this equation, regardless of DNA, we can make family of anyone as long as there are shared moments together.

But, what happens when you never choose to be parted with those who gave birth to you? This is just one of the questions we explored in our Adoption Season. Imagine being a part of a family with whom you have no blood relationship with? If you are an adoptee, you might always be wondering, longing, questioning- who are my birth parents? Why did they give me up?

Reconnecting families

It was thanks to a Twitter post that I came across Ethiopian Adoption Connection- a US based agency that reconnects family members separated by adoption. I was hooked by their tweet about an Ethiopian boy who was adopted by foreigners and it made me think how desperate the child’s mother could be to know his whereabouts.

I made contact with Andrea Kelley, founder of the agency. She has two adopted children, both Ethiopian and she told me the very moment she held her first adoptive child in her arms, she wondered where his mother is? She asked, ‘How can a mother live not knowing where her child is?’ These questions led her on a journey to look for her child’s birth family.

It wasn’t an easy task. The process required a huge financial and emotional investment. Though she managed to reconnect her adopted daughter with her birth mother, she still couldn’t get a hold of her adoptive son’s family. Over the past 16 years, Andrea and her husband have spent around $19,000 in searching - but with no luck.

Andrea learnt that thousands of Ethiopian families lose touch with their children who are adopted by families from abroad and this prompted her to set up the agency- which has so far reconnected over 125 families.

Halima - the woman who searched for her son for 43 years

The first family I contacted when I started to write a series on adoption was Halima Hassan’s. Halima gave birth to her first son when she was a teenager. Her parents disapproved of her partner, leading her to cut ties with them.

Unfortunately, she split up with her partner while she was pregnant with their second child. She had no means of income at the time and she was forced to seek shelter with her friends for most of her pregnancy.

Halima vividly remembers the day she gave birth to her son. There was no one to take her to the hospital when her waters broke. She was the mother and the midwife. She wrapped her new-born with a piece of cloth whilst also clearing up from the birth.

Halima, now in her 60’s was whispering while telling me her story over the phone. She didn’t want her children to overhear her dreadful experience.

She gave her son for adoption as she had no support system whatsoever. The agency that arranged for a Swedish family to adopt her son, didn’t provide her any information. She didn’t have the family’s address or way to reach her son.

Her frequent visits to the Swedish embassy in Addis Ababa, the Ministry of Children and Women’s Affairs and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs yielded no results. For 43 years she longed for her son- wishing to embrace him before it was too late.

Her son, Mans Clausen, an actor based in Sweden, grew up not knowing about his birth parents or relatives, until his brother Hussein Feisal contacted him through Ethiopian Adoption Connection.

Hussein, using his knowledge of technology, managed to track his brother down through social media.

“Oh, after I found my son, my life has changed. He flew to Addis two years ago and as soon as I saw him I wept. I hugged him for hours. For days, I kept kissing him every now and then.” Halima told me, sobbing.

The story of thousands

Thousands of Ethiopians can relate to Halima’s story. And it is not just parents who long for their children- adoptees themselves can spend their adolescence in search of their birth parents.

I spoke with the Ethiopian born Amarech Kebede, who grew up with adoptive parents in the USA.

Amarech’s mother was struggling to provide for four children, consequently she gave two of her daughters for adoption. The adoption agency never gave out an address for the mother and daughters to contact one another.

Amarech, based in North Carolina, told me how excruciating it is to live not knowing whether her mother was alive or dead. Despite living with loving adoptive parents, she asked herself ‘what would my life look like had I not been adopted?’

Her life was full of queries before an Ethiopian social worker from Ethiopian Adoption Connection found her mother who lives in Wolayta Sodo, in the north of Ethiopia.

“Knowing where my mom and siblings are, gave me an answer to questions about my past. Now I can move on into a brighter future” she told me over the phone, unable to hide her elation.

I interviewed two more families with similar stories to that of Andrea, Halima and Amarech. After writing a series regarding these families, here is what I think- true, we can make a family of anyone, but then again, there is something about birth parents that ties our spirits to them.