BOTH Hi.
ROMEO I’m Romeo.
JULIET And I’m Juliet.
ROMEO And we have been together for…
BOTH Three hours.
JULIET And we’re gonna be doing Couple’s Quiz. Eee!
JAUNTY MUSIC ROMEO Okay, what a funny quill.
JULIET Who said ‘I love you’ first?
ROMEO Hmm.
JULIET Ooh. Okay.
ROMEO Well, we haven’t said ‘I love you’ yet, or at least not in those words.
ROMEO I said, ‘It is my love.’
JULIET ‘It’? Okay, I don’t love ‘it.’
ROMEO No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
ROMEO Also, I called you ‘the sun.’
ROMEO Metaphorically, you are the sun, which I love, by the way.
ROMEO Also, I said, ‘Her eyes were two of the fairest stars in all the heaven.’
JULIET Aww, isn’t he so sweet?
ROMEO I love you.
JULIET I love you.
BOTH I love you.
PEN SCRIBBLING
ROMEO My favourite bit about this is just…
JULIET You.
ROMEO Yeah.
JULIET Ah!
JULIET What is Romeo’s surname?
JULIET Ooh. Okay, toughie.
ROMEO Okay.
JULIET Um…
ROMEO I know it.
JULIET Yeah, of course you do. Um… do I know this?
ROMEO You know it.
JULIET Do I know this?
ROMEO I think you know it.
JULIET I don’t think I do.
ROMEO I did call you ‘good pilgrim’ that one time, yeah?
JULIET I don’t know if it’s right, but… pilgrim?
ROMEO Montague.
JULIET Oh, Montague. Of course.
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
ROMEO Montague.
JULIET Montague.
ROMEO Yeah.
JULIET Montague.
JULIET Is that okay?
ROMEO Like…
JULIET Yeah, Montague.
JULIET Is it a problem?
ROMEO (Gulps)
ROMEO I mean, my only love sprung from my only hate.
JULIET Oh yeah, our families do kind of low-key have beef… like generational.
JAUNTY MUSIC
JULIET But then again, what’s Montague?
ROMEO It’s my surname.
JULIET No, no, no, no. I mean like, what’s in a name?
ROMEO Letters.
JULIET No, babe, what does it mean, really?
ROMEO I mean, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
ROMEO She is very bright.
JULIET Eee! Isn’t she?
ROMEO Like the sun!
JULIET (Gasps)
JULIET Thank you.
ROMEO You’ll need to explain that to me later.
JULIET I will. But I love the sounds.
ROMEO What is Juliet’s love language?
JULIET Oh. Mm.
ROMEO Okay.
BOTH Ready?
BOTH Via Friar.
JULIET Uh, but crucially not a reliable one.
ROMEO Yeah, you can trust a friar, but they’re not always punctual.
JULIET Mm-mm. Like if it’s an urgent, probably ill-fated message…
ROMEO You’re looking at three to five working days.
JULIET And that’s literally like a lifetime for us.
ROMEO Juliet, you call Romeo ‘Him that is renowned for faith.’
QUIZ VOICE Who did Romeo call ‘the devout religion of mine eye’?
JULIET (Gasps) Okay. Easy.
ROMEO Easy. Yeah, we’ve got this.
JULIET Make it harder.
ROMEO Yeah.
BOTH Three, two, one.
BOTH Ah!
ROMEO We are so in sync.
JULIET We are so in sync.
QUIZ VOICE Actually, Romeo, you were talking about Rosaline.
ROMEO Who?
JULIET The girl you were in love with before Juliet. Rosaline.
ROMEO I have forgot that name.
JULIET Rosaline?
JULIET My cousin Rosaline?
ROMEO Oh. Yes. Your cousin.
ROMEO No, I… no, I do remember. I was in love with her, yeah.
ROMEO But that was like three hours ago. It’s ancient history.
ROMEO Like, babe, I swear by the moon.
JULIET The moon? The inconstant moon?
ROMEO Well, what shall I swear by?
JULIET Do not swear at all.
ROMANTIC MUSIC
BOTH Oh.
BOTH Our first fight.
JULIET Aww.
QUIZ VOICE Is this moving too fast?
JULIET Too fast?
ORGAN MUSIC
(Gasps)
JULIET We just got married!
ROMEO Yay!
JULIET Wait, what’s the question?
ROMEO Yeah, they’re asking if it’s moving too fast.
JULIET Love’s heralds should be thoughts, which ten times faster glide than the sun’s beams.
JULIET AKA… love is fast.
ROMEO It is, my love.
JULIET Okay, can we not do the ‘it’ thing though, please?
ROMEO No, it’s like the sun.
JULIET I just don’t love it.
ROMEO It’s like the sun.
JAUNTY MUSIC
QUIZ VOICE Do you think this is going to end badly?
ROMEO Mm, what makes you say that?
JULIET I mean, we’re all talking about it, to be fair.
QUIZ VOICE Like, just a few examples.
QUIZ VOICE ‘A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life.’
QUIZ VOICE ‘Death-mark’d love.’
QUIZ VOICE ‘With their death bury their parents’ strife.’
QUIZ VOICE I mean, this is literally on page one.
ROMEO You know what I say to that?
ROMEO Love-devouring death do what he dare.
QUIZ VOICE Yeah, this is exactly what we’re talking about.
ROMEO I defy you stars!
QUIZ VOICE Are we hearing ourself? This is why we think you’re doomed.
JULIET What, like when I said, ‘My grave is like to be my wedding bed’?
ROMEO That’s just a figure of speech.
JULIET Yeah, just a figure of speech.
ROMEO Yeah.
QUIZ VOICE Like, ‘Come, death and welcome, Juliet wills it so.’
ROMEO It’s classic love stuff.
QUIZ VOICE Have you guys ever heard of foreshadowing?
BOTH No.
JULIET Like I said, we’re not worried.
ROMEO Yeah, we’re just seeing where it goes really.
JULIET I do kind of keep having this quite violent vision of you as one dead at the bottom of a tomb though.
ROMEO Huh.
JULIET Yeah.
ROMEO Classic love stuff.
JULIET Yeah.
ROMEO Like when I dreamt that my lady came and found me dead.
JULIET What, Rosaline?
ROMEO Oh, that was literally three hours ago, she didn’t even like me back.
ROMEO I knew you wouldn’t let this go.
JULIET You know me so well.
ROMEO Mm.
JULIET Eee!
ROMEO So, what’s your surname?
Description
Young Shakespearean lovebirds Romeo and Juliet take a quiz to test their love in this social media parody.
Find out more about GCSE English Literature.
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