JACK & RALPH Hi.
JACK This is Jack.
RALPH And I’m Ralph.
RALPH Uh, and these are the items we can’t live without…
JACK …on the island where we crash landed.
BIRD CALLING BEACHY MUSIC
RALPH First up, conch.
JACK Conch.
RALPH We use it for meetings all the time. If you’ve never used it before, I really recommend it.
JACK Great for group calls, actually.
BLOWS CONCH
JACK That’s an E flat. Sorry, sorry. That’s an E flat.
RALPH Choir boy, guilty.
JACK Okay. Chief chorister, actually.
RALPH All right, so the conch is probably the most important—
JACK Hoping to be chief.
RALPH Mate. Okay, we can’t have everybody talking at once.
JACK Sorry. We use this.
RALPH I’ll give the conch to the next person to speak. He can hold it when he’s speaking, yeah, and he won’t be interrupted.
RALPH Except by me, of course, 'cause I’m the chief.
RANDOM BOY (laughing sarcastically) Lucky you.
JACK Next, a set of choir robes. And if you can, a choir to go with them.
RALPH Luckily, we all crash-landed together.
JACK Yeah, the choir belongs to you, of course.
RALPH Yeah, I was thinking they could be the army.
JACK Yeah, yeah. Or hunters.
SILENCE
RALPH What do you want them to be?
JACK Army.
RALPH Hunters.
BEACHY MUSIC
JACK Next… glasses.
PIGGY Oi, those are mine!
RALPH Okay, Piggy’s glasses. Now these are a must-have.
PIGGY As in, I must have them to see!
JACK Shut up! Shut up.
RALPH Okay, so these glasses are essential.
PIGGY Give me my specs!
JACK La‑la‑la‑la‑la.
RALPH Plus, you can use it to start a fire.
JACK Ugh, not this again.
RALPH The fire’s the most important thing.
JACK He loves this.
RALPH Without the fire, we can’t be rescued. We want to have fun, and we want to be rescued.
EERIE MUSIC
RALPH You let the fire go out!
JACK Oh, we can light the fire again.
RALPH What happens if a ship goes past? How could you do that?
JACK Look, I was hunting with the choir boys.
RALPH I haven’t finished yet.
JACK But you’ve talked and talked.
RALPH I’ve got the conch.
RALPH Now you can go.
JACK Thank you. Okay, I’ll sort this out. Altos—
CHORUS SINGS
JACK You keep the fire going this week. And trebles?
CHORUS SINGS
JACK Week off.
CHEERING SPIRITED MUSIC
RALPH This is a clay and charcoal mask. It’s all locally sourced. Sometimes I just lose myself in it.
JACK Jack, conch.
RALPH I feel liberated from shame and self—
JACK Conch!
RALPH We don’t need the conch anymore. We know who ought to say things.
JACK You’re breaking the rules.
RALPH Who cares?
JACK The rules. Has anyone got any green?
RALPH The rules are the only thing we’ve got.
JACK Not true. I’ve got these glasses.
RALPH They’re Piggy’s glasses.
JACK Nope, they’re mine now.
RALPH Right, give them back.
JACK No.
RALPH Give them back.
JACK No.
RALPH No.
JACK Give them back.
RALPH Make me.
RALPH Give—
JACK No, no, no. Urgh, where are your robes? Urgh, you’re naked.
RALPH We’re off grid, aren’t we, boys? Off grid, off grid, off grid!
BOYS (CHANTING) No, no, no, no, no!
RALPH But what about the fire? We literally can’t live without it.
JACK You and your fire. You know, you used to be so fun.
RALPH It represents our chance of rescue.
JACK Does the fire have to represent something?
RALPH (scoffs) Okay—thoughts, contouring?
JACK Okay, let’s go kill a pig!
RALPH Off we go.
JACK No.
RALPH Yippee!
JACK Oh.
RALPH If I blow the conch and they don’t come back, we’ve had it.
BLOWS CONCH
RALPH They’ll come back.
JACK Yeah, we’ve had it.
BEACHY MUSIC
RALPH Thank you so much for joining us for our essential items. Our essential items.
JACK Um, yeah, hope to see you soon… please. Please. Please rescue us.
Description
Lord of The Flies’ Jack and Ralph share the conch to take us through their most essential items for being stranded on a desert island in this social media parody.
Find out more about GCSE English Literature.
Now playing video 4 of 10
