How I beat my bullies by Harnaam Kaur

This article was first published in October 2019.

Harnaam has been living her life as a Bearded Lady since she was 16 years old. At the age of 12, she was diagnosed with a condition called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which alters the way ovaries function. It left her with hormonal imbalances which ultimately allowed her to grow a beard. However, she only allowed her beard to grow after years of bullying from peers in school and strangers on the street.

Dealing with bullies

I have had to deal with bullying and discrimination for the majority of my life. Bullies tend to find anything to pick on you about due to their own lack of self-esteem and confidence. Bullying is a game of ‘who has more power over another,’ and to win, one must exert their dominant power over others. I can honestly say that it is a very weak game to play.

I was hated in school. I endured years of bullying and ridicule.

I learnt very early on that people hate what they don’t understand, and that when people have hardly built a relationship with themselves, they will absolutely try to wreck the one you have with yourself.

I had to grow tough skin.

Being kind to myself

I told myself ‘if you want to grow your beard out fully and look this way, you better be ready to endure all the abuse that this world throws at you for the rest of your life. If you truly want to go through life as a Bearded Lady, you better fight for the right to live every single day.’ I tell myself this every time I feel down, or feel like this world is just too much.

I am strong enough to endure everything that life throws at me because I have spent many years building a wonderfully loving relationship with myself; I am tough and powerful. You do not have to take any ridicule that you may go through. Speak up and talk to your loved ones. You do not need to suffer in silence. I promise you that you are not alone. We are more similar than you think.

People tend to speak on self-love a lot. I have tried to stop. I believe that we need to start off by being kind to ourselves and build a relationship with who we are, and try to find our purpose.

Self-love takes a lot of strength, and the strength comes from deciding to be kind to ourselves first

I want to take the focus away from the hair/beard, because I am a woman first. I am a person and the beard is an extension of my being. I simply tell people to live by the rule ‘My body, My rules.’ This is the one rule I wholeheartedly live by, and it’s a rule that liberates me to be who I want to be, in a world that expects me to conform.

I am Harnaam Kaur, and my body is unique to me.

You can find lots of advice on bullying and support online. You could start by visiting Childline and Young Minds

If you need support

You should always tell someone about the things you’re worried about. You can tell a friend, parent, guardian, teacher, or another trusted adult. If you're struggling with your mental health, going to your GP can be a good place to start to find help. Your GP can let you know what support is available to you, suggest different types of treatment and offer regular check-ups to see how you’re doing.

If you’re in need of in-the-moment support you can contact Childline, where you can speak to a counsellor. Their lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

There are more links to helpful organisations on the BBC Bitesize Action Line page for young people.