There are lots of times in school where you might feel lonely and in need of a friend. Whether you're just starting out at a new school, you've chosen different GCSE or SQA subjects than your mates, or you might have had a friendship fallout. Whatever the reason, you are never truly alone – loneliness is something that lots of people go through at school.
We've spoken to some students from sixth form college who've told us about times when they've felt lonely at school, and how they overcame their loneliness.
Yes. Multiple times. I felt lonely at school.
I'd say you are very fortunate if you have never felt lonely at school.
To an extent, I would say yes I have felt lonely.
Yeah, I definitely felt like, oh, it's an environment like, oh my God, I'm on my own. This is a big school.
Like when you're still finding your people, you can feel lonely even if you're in a friend group.
Loneliness is kind of like you're shutting yourself out from the rest of the world.
But I'd say at lunch and breaks, remember, I'd feel a bit sick because of that. Like anxious feeling of who am I going to sit with?
It could be very overwhelming.
I would be sitting with my friends and they'd be talking, and I'd feel like I'm not here right now with them. I'm in my own world and I wish I was with their world instead.
I'd say you feel like an outsider. You feel like you don't have a place.
Feeling like no one else around me who wants to talk to me, wants to be around me. That they just walk around me completely. Just forget I exist.
In secondary. We had this really huge group of friends. I think about ten, 15 people.
I was joining Air Cadets because I want to be a pilot and it was sort of like my first few weeks there, and it was kind of finding it hard to, you know, talk to people and make friends with people.
For me, loneliness was just losing confidence in myself.
And they would always give me excuses on why I wasn't included.
It was probably like the second week there and I was just like, do I really want to be here? Because I don't really have that many friends here.
When my best friend found out about them trying to leave me out, she spoke to me and she told me everything that was actually happening.
And for me, it was a life saver that many of my teachers took time to talk to me about how they noticed a change.
I was able to move away from that friend group and make a smaller one of my own, that we actually cared about each other.
But eventually you start warming up to people, you start speaking to people, and it's just as simple as that. You can make new friends.
Sometimes all it takes is for someone to say, you can text me.
It's important to always reach out if you're feeling that way. You might feel as if no one will understand you, or that it's not okay to reach out, but it truly is.
You will find a very good group of friends that will make sure you never feel alone or lonely, that you're always going to have a support system.
It's only temporary, just that it's only temporary. It's never going to last forever. There's always light at the end of the tunnel, and you just need to recognise that you're in the dark right now. But sooner or later, the loneliness will stop.
What is loneliness?
The NHS says that everyone's experiences of loneliness can be different, and you shouldn't blame yourself for how you feel. Loneliness is experienced occasionally by some, but more often for others. According to the NHS, if loneliness lasts over a longer period, it might increase the risk of mental health conditions, such as low mood or anxiety.
Different types of loneliness include:
- Emotional loneliness – this is where you feel a lack of an emotional connection to a family member or close friend. Theodora says, "Loneliness is kind of like you're shutting yourself out from the rest of the world."
- Social loneliness – you have a lack of friends, or people who share the same interests as you do. Llinos says, "Oh my God, I'm on my own. This is a big school."
- Existential loneliness – the feeling you get when you are in a room full of people, but still feel alone. Iris says, "You can feel lonely even if you're in a friend group."
If you feel like you need it, you can find more support on the BBC Bitesize Action Line page.
How to manage loneliness
If you are feeling lonely then there are a few things you can do to help ease the feeling. The NHS recommends:
- Keeping in touch with people
- Joining a group
- Doing things you enjoy
- Sharing your feelings
- Connecting with others for help.
Jade told us that, "It's important to always reach out if you're feeling lonely. You might feel as if no one will understand you, or that it's not okay to reach out, but it truly is."
Dr Amir gave us some tips for how to make friends at school, he said:
- Be open to new people – Don't rush to find a group immediately.
- Join clubs and activities – This is an easy way to meet people with similar interests. You might not stick with these friendships and that's OK, but this is a great chance to meet some new people outside of your immediate friendship group who are interested in similar things to you.
- Be yourself – Take a deep breath, smile and just be yourself. Remember you don't have to be perfect or cool. Just be kind and interested in the other person. And don't forget to remember how brilliant you are and how lucky these people are to be hanging out with you.
If you are struggling to make connections and new friends and are still feeling lonely, then the support link below has some more places that could help.
If you need support
You should always tell someone about the things you’re worried about. You can tell a friend, parent, guardian, teacher, or another trusted adult. If you're struggling with your mental health, going to your GP can be a good place to start to find help. Your GP can let you know what support is available to you, suggest different types of treatment and offer regular check-ups to see how you’re doing.
If you’re in need of in-the-moment support you can contact Childline, where you can speak to a counsellor. Their lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
There are more links to helpful organisations on the BBC Bitesize Action Line page for young people.
How to make friends at school
How to make friends in high school: Read our guide on making new friends and finding new friendships.
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