Parents share the worries they had before their child started secondary school and give tips and advice on how you can overcome those same concerns.
Video: Parents' top tips for surviving secondary school
Ben: Hey, I'm Ben. I'm an actor, a comedian, a writer and a dad. Now, I have two daughters; one in her second year of secondary school and one not to far behind. Now, I'm used to facing my fears on stage but the thing is, no matter who we are, or what we do, when it comes to our children starting secondary school, we've all got the same concerns.
Kavida: Primary schools generally are so much smaller so it's more structured, so much more supportive. They go off to high school and suddenly, there's so much more for them to deal with.
Kelechi: The first day they walked to school, I had my heart in my mouth.
Nicola: I had to hide behind a tree and check everything is okay.
Ben: One of the hardest things for new parents is stopping at the school gates. It's not like primary school so you can't just nip in and chat to the teachers. You'll probably have to wait for parents evening when you'll finally get to meet all the Sirs and Mrs that your kids keep coming home moaning about.
Yvette: I was worried if she'd get to school on time in the morning. I was worried about not knowing what she was having for lunch. I was worried about whether she was making new friends, getting on with them really well. Whether she was keeping up with everything in class. What sort of homework she'd bring home, would it be too hard for her. And would she even tell me if she was given a detention that day.
Ben: Now, there's a quick way to answer all those questions. The portal. The portal is a digital record of your child's day. It's kind of a window on their world. So make sure you're signed up to use it. Kids at this age, they can get quite secretive. And they've got a lot going on, to be fair. And they're not necessarily gonna tell you every little detail. With the portal, you can find out how their day went. What they've been learning, what homework they've been set, any exams coming up and most importantly, whether they've been naughty or nice.
Ruth: I think my biggest worries before my child started secondary school was that she'd be like the odd kid. That nobody would want to be friends with her.
Ben: Just when you thought you learned all the names of the last lot, secondary school pulls in a whole new crowd. Now, a thunderstorm of feet running around the place might ruin your Saturday afternoon, But your children will find it a lot easier to spend quality time with their friends if they feel welcome in your home.
Kavida: Accepting that they are year seven, going on twelve years old and they are a lot more independent and you kind of have to let them go with it a bit more. And I have had some really pleasant surprises so far. He said, "Well I did my homework in the library so that I could come home and watch telly." I'm like, "Okay, great." So kind of giving him the benefit of the doubt a bit more and accepting that he is growing up and he can do some of this stuff for himself.
Ruth: You have these anxieties about them going to secondary school but it's never as bad as you think it's gonna be.
Parents' survival guide for secondary school
How to help with those first few weeks.
- Show your confidence in your child so that they believe in their own confidence. Avoid taking over tasks that they can do themselves – it can sometimes be hard to hold back on trying to help.
- Be ready to listen, but don’t expect your, “how has your day been?” end-of-day question to be answered. Just be there when your child wants to talk, so that if they have a tough day or a worry, they know you are available.
- If your child feels they are being bullied or tells you of a circumstance that you consider to be bullying, contact the school for a confidential conversation to deal with this.
- Welcome their new friends into your home and make them feel at ease
- Subtly increase your child’s independence with practical experiences such as popping out to the shops or getting them to take more responsibilities like getting their own school uniform ready
Parents' cheat sheet for starting secondary school
The easy-wins and simple changes to make the transition to secondary school run smoothly.
- Make sure you are signed up to the school portal which has all the information you need – how your child has been behaving, what homework they have and what exams they have coming up.
- Practise the journey to school, particularly if it involves public transport or a new route to walk.
- Buy your supplies of sticky back plastic early before they run out, so that you are ready for the book covering requested of most year 7s. Stock is harder to find in that first week of September!
- Go through that school checklist together so that they have everything they need. Go stationery shopping together if necessary.
- Name everything! Lost property is more likely to get back to your child if it is clearly named.
- Photocopy or take a photo of their timetable in case it gets lost. They could also take a photo on their phone and save it as their background - that way they’ll never be without it!
- Make sure they get to bed in good time without any electronic devices, and they have a water bottle and a healthy snack for topping up during their school day too – the first week will be very tiring.
More support for parents on starting secondary school
Is your child about to make the jump to secondary school, we've got all the support you could need on BBC Bitesize:
- BBC Bitesize Parents' Toolkit: Starting secondary school
- Back to secondary school: How Bitesize can help parents
- Supporting a child moving to secondary school with Dr Radha
- Eight ways to support your child as they return to secondary school
- Dear Parents' Toolkit… How do I get my child into a routine for school?
More from BBC Bitesize Parents' Toolkit…
Bitesize Parenting
Fun activities, real-life stories, wellbeing support and loads of helpful advice - we're here for you and your child.
Preparing your child emotionally for starting secondary school
Explore how you can support your child emotionally ahead of their move to secondary school.
Preparing your child practically
Explore how you can support your child practically ahead of their move to secondary school.
Supporting a child moving to secondary school with Dr Radha
Advice on how to best prepare your child practically and emotionally for the start of secondary school.
Mumsnet - Starting secondary school. External Link
Helping parents cope with the transition.
Starting Secondary School homepage
Free resources to help with the move to secondary school.
