Clinical psychologist Dr Anna Colton looks at some of the common signs of cyberbullying and what can be done to help.
Video: Dr Anna Colton on spotting the signs of cyberbullying
Some of the things you might notice if you're worried your child's being cyber bullied are either an overuse of their phone and their laptop, so they can constantly track what's happening online or a refusal to use their phone or laptop because they're so frightened about what they'll find on it. Again, there'll be the social withdrawal, not wanting to go to school, not wanting to see people, becoming quite anxious and their mood will get quite low.
If they tell you there's a problem, there's a problem. They may tell you that they're not getting on with people. They may give you all sorts of hints and not be direct, but any conversations about friendship difficulties, about bullying, about being teased online or picked on, it's worth investigating.
If you're worried that your child's being bullied or cyber bullied, it's important to keep the conversation with them open. They don't need to know that you don't believe them and you don't need to be confrontational with them. But if you keep the conversation going so they can confide in you if and when they're ready, that's the best way forward. Also, show them you're not gonna judge - you're not going to agree or disagree, but you're there to support them, it's really important.
And you can always go and have a conversation with their class teacher, their head of year or their pastoral care worker because there might be signs and symptoms something's wrong at school and even if there aren't, then the teacher will just keep an extra eye out and you might see a pattern emerge or you might be reassured.
Monitoring a child's use of social media is really important. As a parent, you can't necessarily keep up with what they're doing so you have to educate them from a young age.
But the top, top most important point is that if an app or a site is thirteen plus, they have to wait till they're thirteen. It doesn't matter whether their friends have got it or not. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, they're all older than eleven, so if your child's transitioning and their friends have these apps, it doesn't mean they have to have it. I would advise they just live with the uncertainty of not having that app and waiting until they are old enough to have it.
It's important to have an agreement that you can check your child's device usage, their phone and laptop. Not every day, not to intrude upon, but as a sense check. From time to time, you might log on and just have a look at what their usage has been and what their communication has been, and that way they don't know when they have to hide it from you, should they want to, and you're not intruding upon their privacy. But you're keeping them safe.
Five ways to spot cyberbullying
Changes in online use
Look out for changes in your child’s use of their smartphone, tablet or laptop. An overuse of these devices may indicate they are constantly tracking social media activity, whereas less frequent use could suggest they are worried about what they will find online.
Listen out for problems
Pay close attention to what topics your child is talking about. Any conversations about friendship difficulties or being teased online could be worth exploring further.
These concerns might not even be talked about directly, so listen out for hints or slight changes in behaviour.
Communication
Keep the conversation open and don’t be confrontational. Show them that you are not going to judge.
This way, your child is more likely to confide in you and open up to talking about bullying.
It’s also worth having a conversation with their teachers. They may have an inkling as to what is wrong at school and even if they haven’t, they will be able to keep an eye out.
Monitoring social media
Monitoring your child’s social media use is really important, but can be difficult to constantly track. For this reason, it’s crucial to educate them about their online habits from an early age.
One of the simplest things you can do is to make sure they follow the age restrictions for signing up to social media sites and applications.
If the sites and apps are not age appropriate, they should not be using them – even if they argue that their friends are.
Checking devices
Have an agreement with your child about checking their device usage, whether this is their smartphone, tablet or laptop.
This doesn’t have to be every day; you don’t want this to be intrusive, but more a sense-check of what sites they’re visiting and who they’re communicating with.
A balanced approach will maintain trust, and you’ll be keeping them safe whilst respecting their privacy.
Further support for parents
Supporting your child through issues like cyberbullying can be heartbreaking as a parent, so we've put together some great resources to help you with such a difficult issue.
- BBC Bitesize Parents' Toolkit: Life online
- How to manage your child’s online world without clashing
- Supporting your child's device use as they start secondary school
- How to chat with your child about their mental health
- How to help your child reach out about bullying
- What is online bullying and how you can deal with it
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