Rapper turned Reverend Mc Hammer (Haemorrhoid to his business associates because he was a right pain in the bum) bestrode the early '90s in his impossibly puffy parachute trousers as rap's biggest superstar. His 'Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em' album became the biggest selling rap album of all time. In this pic Hammer has complimented the trousers with a satin panto dame frock, ideal for the party season. We think you'll be risking a really rather severe kicking if you emulate this ill-advised stage gear so best to stick with Hammer's patented baco foil baggies which you can fashion from the foil turkey wrapping once the family have finished cooking the bird this Crimbo for a cheap and cheerful effect. Add singlet vest and countless items of fake jewellery to suit tastes.
If money is no object we suggest some £4.99, Mr. Byrite '80s baggy cast-offs (a few shops still operate on Oxford St) combine these with a portable, battery operated hoover nozzle permanently switched to on for the extra voluminous baggy effect. But be warned, this choice risks severe personal injury. Try explaining in casualty that you were just after the Hammer inflated trouser effect when doctors are trying to remove the nozzle from your intimate parts. It won't wash. Trust us.
The super baggies will be ideal for storing industrial quantities of nuts and crisps at parties this Crimbo and if you are strapped for cash for pressies, they're great for shoplifting, (so we're told).
Oh, what nice trousers dear but is it windy out?
Abba Pusscycat dresses for the girls. Platforms for the boys.
Adam Ant Stand & deliver! Be a real prince charming with this look.
David Bowie Fancy going all Ziggy Stardust? Spandex and makeup to the ready.
Human League Lopsided haircuts for the boys and shocking eye makeup for the girls.
Michael Jackson Shamone! How to achieve this look without cutting of your nose.
Madonna If there's a look, Madonna's had it. We recommend the Blond Ambition style.
MC Hammer This man certainly had a distinctive look. Whether you want to copy it is up to you!
Pepsi & Shirley Puffball skirts, pettycoats and knee-high socks.
Shakin Stevens Comb up that quiff, put on the crepe-souled shoes and don a pink jacket.
Slade Whether you wanna be Dave Hill or Noddy Holder, you'll look crazee like this.
Spandau Ballet To cut a long story short, this smoothie style has got to be gold.
Spice Girls Sporty, Ginger, Baby, Scary and Posh. We got the tips for the ladies.
Wham! Even if you don't want to adopt the Wham! look, the pictures are worth a laugh.
