Matt finish - Aussies rule again

Fact is, an Aussie won us the Cup and he can't even get a sniff in their Test or one-day side.

Can't we just send the Antipodean also-rans home rather than giving their selectors another pleasant headache?

Maher, Cox, Lehmann, Elliot, even old man Waugh....back on the ship, you gum-chewing convicts!

Inside Roy Keane's Head

It is time for Roy to have that op and sit on his backside for a while. The man has clearly lost his mind.

And what was he doing to let himself be out-thought by Jason McAteer?

Which way to the Collymore ward?

Mind, it's a surprise to see Jase taunting Keano by miming writing a book, rather than miming colouring one in.

Clearly the United skipper's priorities are wrong. If there's a couple of minutes to go, Giggsy and Ole are thinking we could nick a win here but Roy's thinking "Who am I going to put in hospital?"

Well Roy, the answer is, yourself, son, and it'll be the Collymore Memorial Hospital if you're not too careful.

Gushing Meadows

Nice to see the Yanks getting p***ed on by the weather.

Jeez, you wouldn't get these hold-ups in England

Rusedski is a child to get into such a tizzy about the rescheduling. Course, if he were a true Brit, he'd shrug his shoulders at a grey cloud or two.

Now, it is possible to play tennis in the rain - especially if, like Serena Williams, you deck yourself out in an all-in-one bin-liner. Must be a bit clammy inside that outfit, mind.

And at this time of year, them sleepy wasps are all over your bins, so be careful, lass. An insect-sting is about the only thing that's going to stop you.

Un-Inter-ested

Ronaldo is a greedy little b***** and an ungrateful one at that.

Ronaldo's first priority should be a barber

Inter paid a bloody fortune for that lad to do sweet FA for a couple of seasons and no sooner does he get fit again and he's swanking off to Madrid, who need a new striker like George Best needs a drink.

I suggest the Brazilian bonehead spends his even larger oodles of cash on three things: a good dentist, a good barber and a dictionary where he can look up the word 'loyalty'.

You're a disgrace, lad.