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 Friday, 11 January, 2002, 11:57 GMT
Bowls gets jacked up
With bowls set for a 21st century revamp, BBC Sport Online's Sanjeev Shetty comes up with a few ideas to put the sport back on the map.

The news that bowls is to get a media-friendly revamp has sent shivers down the spine of the sport's traditionalists.

First came the shuddering news that players would be using coloured bowls instead of the established black ones.

To heap more shame on the venerable old game, players were told that they would have to wear clothes to match their bowls.

But perhaps the last straw has come with the decision to stage penalty shoot-out style finishes to tied games.

With that in mind, Sport Online has come up with some other ideas which may make bowls the new black.

Name change

In this era of political correctness, perhaps the notion of playing to get closer to the "jack" is outdated.

What better way to get the female vote in bowls but change the object of a bowler's desire to a "Jill".

Senior's tour

As bowls begins to reach a new audience, the younger generation are bound to need a recap on what brought the sport to the fore in the first place.

Tony Alcock and David Bryant ruled the game during the 80s and 90s and audiences would flock to see the pair back on the green for a grudge match.

The only condition of the match is that Bryant has to smoke his pipe at least three times during the best of five ends.

Music maestro

One of the most intriguing aspects of the bowl's revamp is the introduction of music.

Few tracks have been mentioned, but perhaps "Keep on running" by the Spencer Davis band for those tantalising moments while the bowl approaches the jack/jill.

Or perhaps we could incorporate Limp Bizkit's "Rollin".

And of course, how could we forget Blur's "To The End".

The Becks factor

By now, it should be as obvious as day and night that David Beckham is the most popular man in England.

And as evidenced by his many haircuts and other fashion statements, he is a man whom many copy.

So perhaps now is the time for Bowls' ruling body to spend some of their hard-earned cash on convincing Beckham that the sport is about to take off.

Before you know it, the man they call "Golden Balls" could have kids walking down the street with a jack in their hands, wearing those classic short sleeve shirts, rather than something with Umbro written on it.

Or maybe not.

Links to more Funny Old Game stories are at the foot of the page.


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