Listen to Holloway sound off

Kneesy does it, Jose!

Ian Holloway gives us the lowdown on the burning issues of the week in his regular column.

The Plymouth boss voices his concern about Jose Mourinho's expensive suit, after his sliding schoolboy celebrations in Barcelona, and admits he's a Grease fan.

He's ruined his strides! What's he doing to that lovely suit, diving on his knees? What is he doing?! Those grass stains will never come off!

I bet that cost a few quid, that suit. And he ruined his shoes as well! He scuffed up the front of them.

I have to say I was jealous - not with Chelsea being top of the group, but that he can still do that at his age. If I tried to do that my knees would snap in half!

I was very envious Jose was that mobile. I wouldn't dare try anything like that because I wouldn't be able to walk for a week. I think that celebration was more relief than anything else. It was great to watch. I love to see that sort of emotion.

There was obviously going to be a lot of rolling around after what Jose said before the match.

It looked like for once it was going to come back to haunt him when Eidur Gudjohnsen scored that goal. But fair play, he seems to know what he's doing and it was a great goal to level things up.

That sort of football does shock me, though, because the players seemed to be more concerned about their triple salco when they fell than closing and pressing and getting on with it.

Tintin and Steven Gerrard

I never worry about haircuts because being a complete bald bloke it doesn't affect me.

My lads put a little lookalike of me on the notice board the other day. It was the head man in Salem's Lot. I was chuffed with it to be fair because he looks a lot better than I do at the moment!

He was only slightly green and his teeth looked a lot whiter than mine.

I think modern hairdressers are having an absolute chuckle. I could do most of these trendy hairstyles and I've got no training. They're not cut neatly, they're sliced sideways and forwards and backwards and then you just gel 'em up.

But if Steven Gerrard wanted to join me at Plymouth he could have any haircut he liked, a bit like Marc Bircham used to for me at QPR.

At the end of the day it's an expression, but I don't particularly like those tufted up in the air ones.

Salem's Lot vampire and Ian Holloway

I'm just jealous, absolutely jealous. I wish I had the chance to choose a haircut. My head is completely shaven at the moment. Bald, done with a razor.

One of our fans behind me the other night shouted: "Get your hair cut, Holloway!" So I turned round and said: "Which one, mate?"

No chance! What a great movie. When Olivia Neutron Bomb comes on in that tight gear at the end it's scary isn't it? When she changes from nice little Sandy into a hellcat on legs.... whoah! Unbelievable.

That one bit when they're rocking on that thing at the end, real good little bit of movement and dancing. I love it.

I think it's a very good film so Woodgate's got nothing to worry about. These big, tough centre-halves have got to show their emotional side now and again. After they batter someone they should be able to pick them up and care about them.