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| The crys-Tel ball Terry Venables has only been in the Leeds job five minutes, but opinion is already firmly divided as to whether he will be a success. While some sections of the English press are rolling out the red carpet for the loveable 'barrow boy', others are gleefully sharpening the daggers. In the pro-Tel corner you've got the die-hard England, Tottenham and Middlebrough fans who believe the man is God and everything he touches turns to gold.
Over in anti-Tel land, you'll find bands of disillusioned souls from Portsmouth and Palace - the second generation - who would love to see him fall flat on his face. So will it all end in tears or trophies? We took a look into the famous crys-Tel ball and discovered a series of possible outcomes. The fairytale ending: They go on to win the Premiership by a record margin, followed by the Champions League the following season. Terry is knighted in 2006 after winning the World Cup with England, two months after being drafted in. The realistic ending: A flurry of summer activity sees Ferdinand go to Man Utd, O'Neill to Leeds and Venables upstairs, enabling him to resume his ITV work. The Eastenders ending
After an indifferent season at Elland Road, Venables is made an offer he can't refuse by Britain's biggest soap and immediately slots into the second-hand car salesman role vacated by Frank Butcher. Tel is in his element, flirting with Babs Windsor and leading a good old sing-song in the Vic. A number one single swiftly follows and the venerable Venables is crowned Pearly King of England. The Euro 96 ending Gazza and co start off pretty well, but the wheels come off after a routine trip to the dentist and Leeds are relegated. On the plus side, the club's plc announces record profits, with �200m raised from player sales and just �3.50 squandered on transfer fees. Venables gets a tidy bonus for his troubles and Leeds merge with Wimbledon to become Milton Keynes Wanderers. The Scooby Doo ending Venables gets off to a flyer at Leeds - the team cannot stop winning. But it's clear there are evil forces at work around Elland Road who are determined to stop him at all costs.
An investigation uncovers a sinister plot to topple Tel, led by a scrawny, scowling old man, but as the youth team go to unmask the evil one, they realise it's not a mask after all. "Why it's old man Wilkinson, the bitter ex-caretaker", they cry. "Yes," he snarls, "and I would have gotten away with still being manager now if I wasn't so darned useless." |
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