2155: There we are then. Don't forget to join Stevo for Europa League action tomorrow night. I'll look forward to being joined by each and every one of you for first practice at the Japanese Grand Prix at 0200 BST on Friday. Right?

From majella77 on 606: "Watched Milan play over the weekend. They look dismal. No chemistry or desire."

2150: Bayern Munich and Juventus play out an entertaining 0-0 draw at the Allianz Arena, which means it's still pretty tight in Group A. Bayern lead from Bordeaux, who beat Maccabi Haifa 1-0 tonight. They both have four points, Juventus are on two. If you want to check out the tables, I'd recommend you have a little look on the BBC website.

2144: Zurich lost 5-2 at home to Real Madrid in their opening Group C game, and they still sit behind AC Milan in the table. Madrid, who scored three second-half goals to see off Marseille, are in charge with a maximum six points. Milan go to the Bernabeu in their next game...

2142: Here's a last word from Football League Macca: "Newcastle and QPR will have to settle for a share of the points up at St James' Park after what sounds like an entertaining 1-1 draw. The Magpies go three points clear at the top. Nottingham Forest's 2-0 win over Scunthorpe, their first back-to-back wins of the season, puts Billy Davies' men 13th."

2138: Drama at the San Siro as Gianluca Zambrotta hits the post deep into injury time, but there goes the final whistle and FC Zurich beat AC Milan 1-0. A stunning result, and one which must cast serious doubt over Milan boss Leonardo's future.

2137: Victories for both English sides, but they were by no means easy. Chelsea sit top of Group D with six points, with Porto's win over Atletico Madrid moving them up to second. United also have six points in Group B, with Wolfsburg second with three.

2135: Still going in Cyprus and Apoel have a corner... which is cleared.

2133: Bordeaux boss Laurent Blanc described their game at home to Maccabi Haifa as their "biggest". He'll be happy at the moment then as Michael Ciani has put them ahead with seven minutes remaining. Maccabi's chances aren't helped as Baram Kayal is sent off for serious foul play. Porto have doubled their lead against Atletico Madrid through Jorge Rolando.

2128: Nemanja Vidic brings down Edin Dzeko and is perhaps a touch fortunate not to collect his second yellow. The United defender is off the pitch - but only for some treatment.

2128: The tireless Football League Macca notes: "It's all over at Saltergate and it's four wins out of five there for Chesterfield in the league after they hold on for a 3-2 win over Grimsby. They are up to 11th in the table."

2127: Apoel Nicosia have had enough chances in this second half to earn a point against Chelsea. Constantinos Charalambides' diving header at the far post flashes just over the bar.

2124: Seconds before that Manchester United goal, Apoel had a shout for a penalty. Handball by Ricardo Carvalho, after Kamil Kosowski's cross. Didn't see it properly, couldn't possibly comment.

2123: Falcao likes goals. He's scored five goals in six league games this season, which is good. The summer signing has added another tonight to put Porto ahead at home to struggling Atletico Madrid. Meanwhile at Old Trafford, former Newcastle striker Obafemi Martins is on, replacing Grafite. So you can put those puns away now.

2121: More from Football League Macca... "It's raining goals in the Football League. If a Marlon Harewood equaliser for Newcastle after an Andy Carroll knockdown is not enough, how about a goal for Grimsby to make it 3-2 and a nervy closing minutes at Chesterfield. You want more? Oh, OK, Luke Chambers has put Nottingham Forest ahead at home to Scunthorpe and now they've only gone and scored a scrappy second."

Man Utd goal: Great work initially from Wayne Rooney. Ryan Giggs lays the ball back to Michael Carrick, who curls a stunning finish high into the net past Diego Benaglio.

2119: Chelsea waste a great chance to wrap it up. Frank Lampard completely misses Branislav Ivanovic's low cross, but Florent Malouda is behind him - and shoots straight at the keeper.

From boringoldblue on 606: "Need to see some of Joe Cole soon, that would make a lot of difference to have some pressure up there to take it off the defenders."

2111: It was a lovely build-up to Real's third goal by the way. Benzema and Kaka exchanged some delightful passes before the former found Ronaldo to slot home from close range. That's what you get for your £200m. Meanwhile, Bayern Munich should be ahead against Juventus. Moments ago, Franck Ribery raced up the left wing and played the ball right to the feet of Miroslav Klose, standing directly in front of the goal, and somehow he put the ball wide.

2110: Ryan Giggs strokes the ball home for Manchester United - but the offside flag is up and he is denied goal number 151. The ball seemed to come off a Wolfsburg defender though.

2107: Chelsea living dangerously in Cyprus. Petr Cech has to save with his legs after Savvas Poursaitidies's shot takes a slight deflection off John Terry. Crowd starting to believe Apoel can get something from this.

2106: As I predicted... Cristiano Ronaldo puts Real Madrid ahead after a mistake by the Marseille keeper and then the former Man Utd star wins a penalty as he goes to ground following an absolute cruncher of a challenge from former Charlton man Souleymane Diawara. Looks a bit harsh as Diawara got plenty of ball. He's not happy with Ronaldo, or the ref for that matter who shows him a second yellow and a red. Kaka slots in from the spot. 2-0 to Real. Make that 3-0 as Ronaldo taps in a second. Game very much over.

2103: That was Ryan Giggs' 150th goal for Manchester United. Not one of his best. Manchester United pressing on now, Wayne Rooney going close to making it 2-1.

2102: Football League Macca "Chesterfield can start planning for life in the top half of the League Two table as they go 3-0 up at home to Grimsby, Donal "where's my 'd' gone" McDermott is the scorer. But hold on, what's that? It's only a Grimsby goal from Adam Proudlock. Twenty minutes to go in that one.

Man Utd goal: Cat quietly steps away from pigeons. Ryan Giggs' free-kick takes a massive deflection off Chistian Gentner and nestles in the corner. Wolfsburg's lead lasts three minutes.

Wolfsburg goal: Cat among pigeons. Shortly after Diego Benaglio makes a superb save to deny Anderson, Wolfsburg go up the other end and take a shock lead. After the referee plays a great advantage, Makoto Hasebe provides the cross from the left for Edin Dzeko to head the German champions in front.

2055: Europe needs to stop backheeling everything and just shoot. This isn't funny anymore.

2050: Markchelseanutter, I think I overestimated Real Madrid. Meanwhile, here's Football League Macca: "The cream of Europe might not be able to hit the backside of a cow with a large, inflatable banjo, but Chesterfield can. And it's only former Grimsby striker Jack Lester who has bagged as well to make it Chesterfield 2-0 Grimsby. Well done League Two."

From Markchelseanutter on 606: "Re 2033: Cheese I'm afraid to say that you like everyone else underestimate Marseille, they are actually a really good side with one of the best left backs in the world, Taiwo, and one of the best keepers, Steve Mandanda."

2048: Ricardo Costa volleys well wide from a corner for Wolfsburg. Looked like a decent chance. Chelsea and Apoel are up and running now.

2046: They're under way at Old Trafford in the second half. Fergie says Michael Owen's groin strain has flared up again.

Sir Alex Ferguson: "We just need a bit of patience in the final third. The build-up has been terrific."

From Harry, Bristol, via text on 81111: "Re 2014: The other day at school a group of about 20 of us tried playing a game of knockout using only backheels, including for dribbling and tackling. It's harder than it looks."
Ah, the impudence of youth

From MadIrishMan on 606: "Never thought I'd be saying this but Berbatov is our best player."

2033: Two goals? Two?? What is this?! And yes, I am starting to sweat on my Real Madrid prediction (see 1917).

2029: We move on from that pun. Salomon Kalou gets a touch of the ball but plenty of the man and is booked for his challenge on Nectarios Alexandrou. Moments later, Christos Kontis meets a corner at the near post but heads it straight up and out of play.

From fasc cebregas on 606: "I've pencilled Grafite in for a goal tonight..."

2028: Beautiful pass from Frank Lampard for Ashley Cole, who squares the ball for Salomon Kalou, but the defender gets there first to clear. Chelsea in complete control at Apoel.

2024: Grafite collects the ball and spins away from Nemanja Vidic, who hauls down the Brazilian striker. First booking of the game.

2022: In Munich, Bayern's Hans-Joerg Butt makes a full stretch save down to his left from a shot by Juventus's Mauro Camoranesi. Not a huge amount of real chances on goal in this game, but Bayern are on top and both sides are playing open, attacking football.

2021: Ryan Giggs hooks a clever cross over for Dimitar Berbatov, who volleys a difficult chance well over.

2019: Wolfsburg win a corner thanks to Grafite's persistence. Christian Gentner attacks it at the near post but can't get the header on target.

From cfhussain on 606: "When Berba plays like this, who cares if he doesn't score? Man Utd should be 2-0 up thanks to his flicks and invention."

2014: And when have you ever seen a backheel that wasn't impudent? Altin Haxh's just been at it for Apoel. Seriously, is this some sort of charity thing I haven't heard about? Back at Old Trafford, Dimitar Berbatov, who has been superb since he came on, plays in Michael Carrick, but the shot is well saved.

From anon via text on 81111: "Why do you lot keep referring to backheels as impudent?"

2010: Dinky backheel from Dimitar Berbatov finds Antonio Valencia bursting into the penalty area, but the winger drags his shot wide. United starting to exert some dominance. What is it with backheels this week? Everyone's at it.

2008: Football League Macca's back already. "It's action stations in the Football League as Newcastle miss a glorious chance to get level. Danny Guthrie sees his spot-kick saved by QPR keeper Radek Cerny after Steven Taylor's shot was blocked by Mikele Leigertwood's arm. Over in League Two Derek Niven has put Chesterfield ahead against Grimsby."

2007: Franck Ribery comes within inches of a stunning opener in Munich - a Ricky Villa-style dribble into the right hand side of the Juventus penalty area, and he rounds it off by getting his foot under the ball and scooping it up over keeper Gianluigi Buffon. Sadly for Bayern, it goes just the wrong side of the cross bar. Such a combination of skill and cheekiness, it deserved a goal.

2005: Disaster under the gaze of the watching England manager Fabio Capello at Old Trafford as Michael Owen trudges off with less than 20 minutes on the clock due to injury, replaced by Bulgarian striker Dimitar Berbatov.

Chelsea goal: There is a bit of magic, first from Juliano Belletti, who skips past the defender on the right and cuts the ball back for Nicolas Anelka. The Frenchman strokes a superb right-footed shot into the top corner to put Carlo Ancelotti's side ahead.

From Raphael in Stratford via text on 81111: "Re 1942: Cheesy, do you think if it was called the GPS Stadium, you'd be able to find it more easily?"

2001: Half-chance for Chelsea but Salomon Kalou stabs a shot wide from just inside the box. As Carlo Ancelotti highlighted, Apoel Nicosia are a well-organised side and Chelsea may need some magic to break them down.

2000: AC Milan, under new boss Leonardo, have scored one goal in three games at the San Siro this season and failed to score in four of their six domestic games. And they now trail Zurich at home in the Champions League.

1958: Michael Owen seems to have picked up a knock and Dimitar Berbatov is warming up. Wolfsburg have made an excellent start at Old Trafford, with Grafite the danger man.

1957: And here's Football League Macca with more surprising news. "Potential shock alert in the Championship as Ben Watson's shot is deflected past Steve Harper to put QPR in front up at Newcastle. It's only the second league goal against the Magpies at St James' Park this season would you believe?"

1955: Hello, hello. This is a surprise. An impudent backheel volley from Hannu Tihinen puts Zurich 1-0 up against AC Milan.

1952: Bayern Munich's flying wingers Arjen Robben and Franck Ribery are known as Robbery in the German press. Like Brangelina. Sort of.

1948: Still no goals. But there's been a chance. Shocking attempted clearance by Nemanja Vidic and Grafite lays the ball off for Christian Gentner, who curls his shots straight to Tomasz Kuszczak. Should have done better.

1947: No goals yet.

1946: And they're off.

1942: The Apoel Nicosia fans are holding up coloured placards in the shape of their logo as the teams arrive on the pitch. Terrific atmosphere at the GSP Stadium.

From Rob, London, via text on 81111: "I don't see the quality Wolfsburg attack receiving enough service, United will boss the midfield and run out 4-0 winners."

1934: Oh don't worry, you'll get Football League updates. You can be sure of that. Newcastle can go five points clear at the top of the Championship with victory over QPR - who are in a bit of form themselves. Nottingham Forest will leapfrog Scunthorpe with a win over the Iron. And in League Two, Chesterfield host Grimsby. Mid-table that one.

Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti: "I've never seen an easy game in the Champions League. It's important. We want to do better than Saturday against Wigan. I think we are ready. Apoel play with good organisation. They're very compact. They showed that against Atletico Madrid."

From a referee in Warrington via text on 81111: "A shout out to Howard Webb, who has a huge game in Munich tonight. He's as much chance of being in the World Cup Finals next year as any Englishman."

From David in Repton via text on 81111: "Fergie has surprised me with selection. Midfield pair have slipped from favour this season. So to see both is a concern. Let's hope Owen is ready to make an impact."

1921: And there is the final whistle at the Luzhniki Stadium. Juande Ramos's CSKA are off the mark in Group B, while Besiktas are still pointless. Manchester United and Wolfsburg make up the rest of that group.

1920: Ismail Koybasi flicks the ball up and volleys it left-footed into the roof of the net. Fabulous strike. Shame it's only a consolation for Besiktas, who are now 2-1 down at CSKA with seconds remaining.

From BullOnParade on 606: "I'm really looking forward to the Man Utd game, Wolfsburg are a very exciting team and Utd are in for a shock if they underestimate them."

1917: Elsewhere tonight, goal-shy AC Milan must surely beat FC Zurich if Leonardo is going to hang on to his job as manager of the Rossoneri. Bayern Munich, who have had an up-and-down start under Louis van Gaal, host Juventus in a European giants derby. And Real Madrid will beat Marseille at the Bernabeu. No, honestly, they will.

1912: TEAM NEWS Man Utd v Wolfsburg
Manchester United make five changes from their 2-0 win at Stoke on Saturday, with Tomasz Kuszczak taking over from Ben Foster in goal and Anderson, Michael Carrick, Ryan Giggs and Michael Owen all starting. Wolfsburg go with two up front in Grafite and Ezin Dzeko, so Obafemi Martins has to settle for a place on the bench.

1910: TEAMS Man Utd v Wolfsburg
Man Utd: Kuszczak, O'Shea, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Valencia, Carrick, Anderson, Giggs, Owen, Rooney. Subs: Foster, Brown, Berbatov, Nani, Scholes, Fabio Da Silva, Fletcher.
Wolfsburg: Benaglio, Riether, Madlung, Ricardo Costa, Schafer, Josue, Hasebe, Misimovic, Gentner, Dzeko, Grafite. Subs: Lenz, Martins, Santana, Ziani, Pekarik, Dejagah, Barzagli.

From JP, expecting a surprise at Old Trafford, via text on 81111 "Re 1845: The Liverpool game is the exception that proves the rule. All home wins tonight except Wolfsburg, predictable."

1906: Manchester United, meanwhile, are up against German champions Wolfsburg, who play their first away Champions League game tonight. "So what's Wolfsburg like?" our own Jonathan Stevenson asked Die Wolfe's summer signing Obafemi Martins a few days ago. "Um, it's the home of Volkswagen but there is not much really to say," chuckled the former Newcastle striker.

1903: "A team like Chelsea need no introduction," says Apoel coach Ivan Jovanovic. But a team like Apoel Nicosia might. The Cypriot champions defeated Copenhagen to get to this stage and opened their Group D campaign with a 0-0 draw at Atletico Madrid. They haven't been in great form domestically though. Having suffered just four defeats in the whole of last season, they've already lost twice this season.

1900: TEAM NEWS Apoel Nicosia v Chelsea
Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole has recovered from a knee problem and plays, but there are three changes from the side that lost to Wigan. John Mikel Obi is out injured so Juliano Belletti will play in the holding midfield role. Striker Didier Drogba and right-back Jose Bosingwa are suspended and they are replaced by Salomon Kalou and Branislav Ivanovic. Apoel Nicosia are without Polish strikers Adrian Sikora and Marcin Zewlakow as well as defenders Joost Broerse and Paolo Jorge because of injury.

1858: TEAMS Apoel Nicosia v Chelsea
Apoel Nicosia: Chiotis, Poursaitides, Kontis, Grncarov, Haxhi, Charalambidis, Morais, Michael, Alexandrou, Pinto, Mirosavljevic. Subs: Kissas, Papathanasiou, Kosowski, Satsias, Elia, Jean Paulista, Breska.
Chelsea: Cech, Ivanovic, Carvalho, Terry, Ashley Cole, Belletti, Essien, Lampard, Kalou, Anelka, Malouda. Subs: Hilario, Joe Cole, Zhirkov, Deco, Sturridge, Hutchinson, Bruma.

1855: Busy afternoon for me, submitting my latest feature proposal to be filed in the folder marked 'bin'. Does marriage improve a player? Fergie says he's "always been an advocate of players being married and settled down". He said this with the unmarried Jonny Evans sitting next to him, and not realising Evans' girlfriend was sitting among the assembled journalists. "Get him tied down, dear," responds Fergie, to much curling of toes all round.

1851: Football eh? Besiktas are now 2-0 down. Anyway, your thoughts would be quite welcome on 81111,606 or Twitter.

1849: So who might spring a surprise today? Well, it doesn't look like being Besiktas, currently 1-0 down to a wonder strike from CSKA Moscow's Alan Dzagoyev at the impregnable Luzhniki Stadium.

1845: Hello there. Yesterday, at about this time, Stevo launched a passionate(ish) defence of the Champions League group stages. I respect and admire your enthusiasm Stevo, I thought to myself, but the fact is the group stages are predictable, they are nothing but a money-making exercise, and they are meaningless. And then Fiorentina beat Liverpool.