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By Caroline Cheese
1800: Not much else for me to say. Let's all go an enjoy an Ashes beer yes? I'll hopefully see you tomorrow for Liverpool's home encounter with Aston Villa.
1754: Chelsea outclassed Fulham there to win their eighth successive league game. They lie second behind Spurs on goal difference.
1752: FULL-TIME Fulham 0-2 Chelsea
1748: Chants of Barmy Army at Craven Cottage. A bit of cross-sport magic there. One minute remaining. Oh, and England have just won the Ashes.
1745: Carlo Ancelotti finds something to do as this game meanders towards its end. He brings on 20-year-old defender Sam Hutchinson for only his second appearance in a Chelsea shirt - and his first since his debut in May 2007. Jose Bosingwa is the man to come off.
1742: Seven minutes remaining at Craven Cottage, and this one's done and dusted. Why don't you go and watch the cricket? I'll give you a shout if anything happens here.
1740: Frank Lampard comes off, and he remains level with Jimmy Greaves on 132 Chelsea goals. On comes Deco.
1738: As Nicolas Anelka slotted in, England took their eighth wicket - and that quickly becomes nine. I still think England may mess it up.
Easy. Didier Drogba feeds strike partner Nicolas Anelka, who sprints clear of a rather pedestrian Fulham defence, rounds keeper Mark Schwarzer and finishes into the empty net.
1735: GOALFLASH Fulham 0-2 Chelsea (Anelka)
1734: A final throw of the dice for Roy Hodgson as Bobby Zamora is replaced by Erik Nevland.
1731: Didier Drogba chests down the ball and hooks it on for Frank Lampard's run down the left. The England midfielder volleys the cross across goal, but no one on the end of it.
1728: Well, make that up and limping. Danny Murphy tells the bench he won't be able to continue after picking up what looks like a calf injury while making a last-ditch challenge. Chris Baird is on.
1725: Jonathan Greening is in the crowd at Craven Cottage, wearing a Fulham shirt. He sees Danny Murphy receiving a bit of treatment, but he's back up and running now.
1721: Fulham boss Roy Hodgson decides it's time for a change and Diomansy Kamara replaces Zoltan Gera.
1719: Florent Malouda drags a shot wide after linking up well with Nicolas Anelka. Chelsea look to be back with the diamond formation now after a first-half Christmas tree.
1717: Fulham enjoying more possession in this half, but they're finding Chelsea's defence in mean mood. Think the hosts are missing the pace of Andy Johnson up front.
1713: Didier Drogba swivels and shoots from the tightest of angles - but still manages to force Mark Schwarzer into a smart save.
1709: Ball into the box by Danny Murphy, and Ricardo Carvalho, Bobby Zamora and Petr Cech are all after it. Carvalho wins the header, and with Cech stranded, that ball goes behind for a corner. Better from Fulham.
1708: Didier Drogba plays in Nicolas Anelka, but the ball just pings off the Frenchman's foot and bounces harmlessly away.
1706: Dangerous ball in from Ashley Cole - but Aaron Hughes completes the clearance.
1704: The last half of Sunday is under way at Craven Cottage.
1700: Burnley's win puts them just outside the European places by the way. They are doing a very good Hull 08/09 impression so far - but they'll hope that doesn't continue into 2010.
1655: Owen Coyle, resplendent in his white sweatshirt, is out on the pitch at Turf Moor, applauding the fans. He'll be getting used to that. David Moyes has a face like a wet weekend. For the second game in a row, Burnley win 1-0 at home as the opposition miss a penalty.
1654: FULL-TIME Burnley 1-0 Everton
1652: Everton have a free-kick... but Jo wallops it straight into the wall. The ball comes back in from the right but Jack Rodwell heads over the bar. Surely that's it now.
1650: There will be four minutes of added time at Turf Moor.
1648: HALF-TIME Fulham 0-1 Chelsea
1647: Only a few minutes remaining at Turf Moor where Burnley are within touching distance of their second win of the season. Everton have never lost their opening two matches of a Premier League season.
Slick passing from Chelsea. Frank Lampard quickly moves it on to Nicolas Anelka, who plays it through for Didier Drogba. The striker stays just about onside before slotting past Mark Schwarzer.
1640: GOALFLASH Fulham 0-1 Chelsea (Drogba)
1639: Louis Saha sends a fizzing left-foot shot just wide of the post as Everton press again.
1636: Justice is done at Turf Moor as Louis Saha puts his penalty wide of Brian Jensen's right-hand post after Tony Hibbert fools referee Phil Dowd into awarding the spot-kick. Hibbert bursts into the box and though Chris McCann pulls out of the challenge, the Everton right-back goes over anyway.
1635: EVERTON MISS PENALTY Burnley 1-0 Everton
1634: PENALTY TO EVERTON
1631: John Terry shoots over from the distance for Chelsea. The visitors enjoying most of the possession, but Fulham have probably had the best chance through Clint Dempsey.
1626:themib on Twitter tells me Joleon Lescott is undergoing his medical at Manchester City. May or may not be true. That deal is expected to be completed imminently.
1622: Chances for Burnley and Chelsea - but in different games obviously. Jon Mikel Obi's piledriver flies narrowly wide, thudding into the advertising hoardings. Chris McCann's clever, hooked chip is tipped over the top by Tim Howard. Jo on for Everton now.
David Pleat on BBC 5 live: "Frank Lampard is certainly playing further up than we're used to. He's almost a second striker, but a little bit deeper. Nicolas Anelka is playing in the old-fashioned inside-right position.
1619: Everton are pushing men forward in search of an equaliser and leaving gaps at the back, and Burnley look very dangerous on the counter-attack. The Toffees are looking more threatening too, though, and Tim Cahill's low shot has just whizzed past the post.
1614: Chelsea have a free-kick about 25 yards out. Michael Ballack wins the battle to take it - but he might not win the next one. Miles over.
1611: It's raining at Burnley. Hope that's not about to make its way Oval-wards.
1610: Not much doing at Craven Cottage. Could do with some derby tackles to liven this up. Or a goal.
1605: The second half is up and running at Turf Moor where Burnley are hoping for a second win in a row, while Everton are hoping to avoid a second defeat on the trot.
1603: Early chance for Fulham but Clint Dempsey skies it into the crowd. Roy Hodgson pitted his wits against Carlo Ancelotti three times in Serie A when he was at Inter, with the Italian edging the head-to-head 2-1.
1601: Righto, we're off at Craven Cottage.
1557: Teams on their way out at the Cottage. Meanwhile, tea-time in the cricket. Hard to take a sport that needs a tea-break seriously - but since England are doing quite well, we must try our best.
1550: Not sure I approve of Carlo Ancelotti and his fancy Serie A formations. Very confusing. What's wrong with 4-4-2 eh? It's never done England any harm... oh wait.
1546: HALF-TIME Burnley 1-0 Everton
1545: Intriguing team selection by Carlo Ancelotti. Michael Essien drops to the bench as does Deco. Nicolas Anelka and Frank Lampard are expected to play behind Didier Drogba, with Jon Obi Mikel, Florent Malouda and Michael Ballack behind them.
1543: TEAM NEWS Fulham v Chelsea Fulham's new signing Damien Duff features in midfield with Bobby Zamora partnering Clint Dempsey in attack. Chelsea make four changes with Ricardo Carvalho, John Obi Mikel, Florent Malouda and Nicolas Anelka coming into the starting XI.
Just as Everton were starting to threaten, the hosts take the lead. Steven Fletcher feeds Wade Elliott from the byeline and the striker has time to measure the shot, his curling effort flicking off Phil Neville's boot and beating Tim Howard. Turf Moor erupts.
1536: GOALFLASH Burnley (Elliott) 1-0 Everton
1534: Everton have just had their first meaningful effort on goal, and it's taken them 30 minutes. Jack Rodwell rises unchallenged to meet a corner from the left, but his header is straight at Brian Jensen. The Toffees threaten again with their next attack too, with Tony Hibbert's low cross from the right just eluding Louis Saha at the far post.
1531: Tottenham win their first three games of a Premier League season for the first time - and they replace Arsenal at the top of the table. West Ham 11th.
1528: A photographer's dream. As the final whistle blows, Carlton Cole slumps to the ground and covers his face with his arms. Cole scored the finest goal of his career today and followed it with surely the worst moment of his career.
1526: FULL-TIME West Ham 1-2 Tottenham
1525: Wisely, Harry Redknapp takes off Jermain Defoe, who is still finding Julien Faubert very annoying indeed. Kyle Naughton is on... but not for long.
1524: Jack Rodwell has just slammed an Everton free-kick straight into the Burnley wall at Turf Moor. Twenty minutes gone and Clarets keeper Brian Jensen has not had a save to make - the Toffees have not even created a chance, let alone managed a shot on target.
1522: I know what this derby's been missing - handbags. They're out now, as Jermain Defoe and Julien Faubert fall out over something or other. The West Ham defender gets the yellow.
1519: Jack Collison chests down the ball in the area but is crowded out by Sebastian Bassong and Ledley King as he goes for the shot and ends up toe-poking it into Carlo Cudicini's waiting arms.
1517: Just heard a yawn from our Burnley-Everton match-watcher. Never a good sign. Seems to have settled down after Burnley's 100mph start.
1515: Shortly after Junior Stanislas shoots over from a difficult position, West Ham boss Gianfranco Zola makes his second change - striker Zavon Hines for midfielder Scott Parker.
1512: Harry Redknapp has seen his side take the lead but he presses ahead with his planned substitution, Peter Crouch for Robbie Keane.
Devastating. Aaron Lennon collects the ball on the right, takes advantage of a slip by Jonathan Spector as he cuts inside and unleashes an unstoppable left-foot shot which Rob Green gets his fingers to but cannot prevent from hitting the back of the net. Gianfranco Zola chucks his drink to the ground in despair.
1510: GOALFLASH West Ham 1-2 Tottenham (Lennon)
1509: Luis Jimenez has picked up an injury and is replaced by Radislav Kovac. The Chilean gets a big ovation from the Hammers fans after a promising display.
1503: Burnley go close again. Wade Elliott makes space for the cross on the right and Martin Paterson somehow heads wide from six yards out.
1503: Carlton Cole controls Jonathan Spector's pass beautifully but shoots wide of the far post. How many times have I mentioned Carlton Cole today? A lot, is the answer.
1501: They've been under way for less than a minute at a rocking Turf Moor and already Martin Paterson has hit the bar with a header. Steven Fletcher forced a good save from Everton keeper Tim Howard from the follow-up.
1500: Carlton Cole takes on Sebastian Bassong on the right, and wins a corner. Luis Jimenez - who has been impressive on his home debut - gets his head to it but Carlo Cudicini turns it around the post.
1456: The Spurs subs are warming up. Peter Crouch maybe?
1453: Tom Huddlestone sees yellow for tripping Jack Collison in midfield.
From anon via text on 81111: "I thought Cole couldn't surprise me more after his fantastic goal... man, was I wrong."
1450: This game has livened up in a big way. Luis Jimenez weaves his way into the area on the right, chased by Benoit Assou-Ekotto. He goes down in the area but Mark Clattenberg dramatically waves away the claim. Replays show his shirt was tugged - but outside the area. Jimenez then tricks his way past two defenders in front of goal, Jack Collison eventually takes it up but the ball dribbles wide.
1448: I cannot even imagine what Carlton Cole was thinking there. Not a lot, perhaps. He had plenty of time and space to pick out a pass, and chose to try to find a defender. Luka Modric heads just wide from Aaron Lennon's cross.
That is one of the most remarkable things I have ever seen on a football pitch. Carlton Cole receives the ball in midfield and plays a perfect through-ball for Jermain Defoe, who takes a touch and wellies the ball past a bemused Rob Green. That's the Jermain Defoe who plays for the opposition. Cole is aghast.
1445: GOALFLASH West Ham 1-1 Tottenham (Defoe)
1443: Meanwhile, Cardiff are on their way to the top of the Championship after Gavin Rae's tidy finish makes it 3-0 against Bristol City.
Well, he won't score from there... GOOD LORD, HE HAS YOU KNOW! Carlton Cole flicks the ball up, turns the defender and smashes it left-footed from 25 yards past Carlo Cudicini's despairing dive. Left-footed!
1440: GOALFLASH West Ham (Cole) 1-0 Tottenham
1436: They're back off and running at Upton Park - and I love Freddie Flintoff.
1434: Sorry, went a bit quiet there. Just checking in on other sport. In summary: Australia are digging in annoyingly in the cricket. McLaren have made a right hash of Lewis Hamilton's final pitstop and Rubens Barrichello may be on his way to victory.
From anon via text on 81111: "Good to see Everton unchanged from Thursday night. Great effort by the lads after a nervous opening 20 minutes. Suspect Rodwell will put in another great display."
1425: TEAM NEWS Burnley v Everton Burnley are unchanged from the side that clinched a famous 1-0 win over defending champions Manchester United at Turf Moor on Wednesday. Everton again leave out want-away defender Joleon Lescott, who is in talks over a move to Manchester City, so Phil Neville fills in at centre-back alongside Joseph Yobo as Toffees boss David Moyes fields the same team that beat Sigma Olomouc 4-0 in the Europa League on Thursday.
1418: Jack Collison escapes down the right and lifts his cross towards Carlton Cole - but Ledley King is there with a vital, defensive header.
1416: West Ham should be ahead. James Collins provides a lovely crossfield pass for Junior Stanislas, who gets to the byeline and squares for Carlton Cole - but the England striker is a step too slow and can't get the final touch.
From Oture on Twitter: "Re 1404: That's Mohamed Zidan's goal celebration. He does it every time he scores a screamer! Chopra borrowed it!"
1408: Fabulous work by Carlton Cole, less so by Tottenham's defence. Cole is surrounded by three defenders as a high ball drops but he still wins it, controls it and sets up Jack Collison, whose shot is blocked by Ledley King.
1404: Cardiff lead 2-0 at half-time after a superb finish by Michael Chopra - and an even better celebration. The former Newcastle striker takes a touch on the edge of the box and guides it home with the outside of his right foot. He then takes off his boot, and immediately drops it as if it is too hot to handle. Sensational.
1402: Ledley King gets his head to a Luka Modric free-kick and sees the ball come back off the bar. Not sure he really knew what he was doing there.
1400: High ball drops for Sebastian Bassong, who pokes his shot disappointingly wide for Tottenham. Could have been two in three for the ex-Newcastle defender.
1359: Interesting corner by Tottenham. Luka Modric lofts it over to Tom Huddlestone, who is about 25 yards out as he has a shot. The ball takes a couple of deflections before coming to Robbie Keane, who shoots wide of the far post but is flagged offside anyway. And when I say 'interesting', I do mean 'not very good actually'.
1356: To the other end now where Tom Huddlestone lets fly from outside the box, but Rob Green makes a fairly comfortable save.
1354: Carlton Cole runs on to Jonathan Spector's through-ball, but he can't find a way past Carlo Cudicini. Replays show Cole was a touch offside.
1353: Clatts has a word with both captains as the tackles continue to fly in at Upton Park. Over at the Cardiff City Stadium, the home side have the lead after an awful own goal by Bristol City defender Jamie McCombe.
From Dan, Manchester, via text on 81111: "Re 1336: Matt, I can beat you. I'm watching the football on TV, the cricket on my laptop and keeping up with the F1 via my Dad's laptop. All this whilst revising for tomorrow's exam on the physics of energy sources and eating a ham and pepperoni pizza."
1350: And now Jermain Defoe gets a talking-to from ref Mark Clattenberg after lunging at Jonathon Spector. Still no cards from Clatts.
1349: Good hit from Scott Parker, his low shot from 30 yards curving towards the corner before it it met by a diving Carlo Cudicini. Moments later, Parker is a bit lucky to avoid a booking for a late challenge on Luca Modric.
1347: Not an awful lot going on, so the Hammers fans pipe up with a bit of I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles. Hold on, good stuff from Carlton Cole. The striker outmuscles two defenders - but balloons the shot over the bar. Fabio Capello is watching.
1342: Carlo Cudicini collects a looping header and is promptly barged into by Carlton Cole. The Spurs keeper falls over the line with the ball in his hand - but that's one of the clearest fouls you'll see.
1338: Arsenal went top of the Prem yesterday - but just by kicking off, Tottenham have toppled their north London rivals in the as-it-stands table. Luis Jimenez and Wilson Palacios collide in midfield and both have to go off after a spell of treatment.
1336: Early pressure from Spurs. Benoit Assou-Ekotto resists the temptation to shoot and lofts a pass out right to Luka Modric, who crosses first time but West Ham clear.
From Matt in Orpington, via text on 81111: "Who says men can't multi-task? I'm currently watching the grand prix, while listening to the cricket and reading the football! Come on Spurs, England and Jenson/Lewis!"
1332: And we're under way.
1329: Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill is at Upton Park, keeping an eye on Hammers defender James Collins?
1323: Today will be my first experience of watching Prem football on that there American channel. Early thoughts: good to have Sir King of Kev-dom back on the telly.
1321: They're under way at the Cardiff City Stadium, where the winners of Cardiff-Bristol City will go top of the Championship.
1318: A word on Hammers defender Calum Davenport, who as many of you will have heard was stabbed in both legs in a horrifying attack early on Saturday. West Ham boss Gianfranco Zola reports that the 26-year-old is in a stable condition following emergency surgery.
1306: A muscle injury brings to an end Kieron Dyer's run of competitive games for West Ham at two. West Ham's website doesn't specify which muscle.
1304: TEAM NEWS West Ham v Tottenham West Ham defender Jonathan Spector comes in for Herita Ilunga, who misses out because of a jaw injury. Midfielder Kieron Dyer is also out injured and is replaced by Junior Stanislas. Tottenham central defender Ledley King returns to the starting line-up after missing the game at Hull. King will take Vedran Corluka's place at the heart of the defence with the Croatian moving to right-back and relegating Alan Hutton to the bench. Carlo Cudicini continues in goal with Heurelho Gomes out.
1300: TEAMS West Ham v Tottenham West Ham: Green, Faubert, Collins, Upson, Spector, Noble, Parker, Collison, Jimenez, Cole, Stanislas. Subs: Kurucz, Gabbidon, Kovac, Nouble, Tomkins, Payne, Hines. Tottenham: Cudicini, Corluka, Bassong, King, Assou-Ekotto, Lennon, Huddlestone, Palacios, Modric, Keane, Defoe. Subs: Button, Hutton, Bentley, Pavlyuchenko, Crouch, Naughton, O'Hara.
From KingSi on Twitter: "Re 1250: 0845 93783732978324642257762536793736686932858 is not a recognised number. Am I missing something?"
From kevmfc on 606: "Three away wins today for me. Can't see Burnley doing anything today after beating Man Utd. Fulham will put up a good game but will fall short and Spurs will run out with a couple of goals winners over West Ham."
1250: Should you wish to disagree with those scientifically compiled predictions, feel free to text me on 81111, delve into 606, find me on Twitter or give me a call on: 0845 YesterdaysTechnicalProblemsWereNotMyFault
1246: On we go then. It's the day they're calling Double London Derby Day (DLDD). First up today, we'll see unbeaten West Ham take on unbeaten Tottenham. That's a draw then. At 1600 BST, unbeaten Fulham host unbeaten Chelsea. Another draw. In between, Burnley test their 100% home record against winless Everton. Win for Owen Coyle's side. Predictions are easy, no?
1242: Before I go on any further, can I apologise again for yesterday's shenanigans with the live text? If you hadn't already heard, football did carry on after 1550 BST, I just wasn't able to bring it to you because of cursed technical problems. I've said it before but I'll say it again: it wasn't me pressing the 'off' switch by mistake. But hey, if it makes you feel better to abuse me, you carry on, but be warned, I know where you live.*
* I do not know where you live. And even if I did, I'm only a weedy girl.
1237: I can't say I blame you for watching the cricket. Some kind of history being made at the Oval - whichever way it goes. But hey, how about this for some history: Everton and Burnley haven't played each other since 1976, Spurs have never ever won the first three matches of a Prem season and Fulham haven't beaten Chelsea since… 2006, actually.
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