By Matthew Hoggard England pace bowler

It's been a topsy-turvy two years for me as I've been in and out of the side, but I'm starting the summer positive that I can play a big part for England.

I'm a more relaxed bowler now than ever before

After thinking I wouldn't even be going to the Caribbean, to come back with a series win and a hat-trick to my name was a dream come true.

It only seems like yesterday we were out there, and memories of those three balls in Barbados are still fresh in my mind.

I think about it before I go to sleep at night and I suppose I always will.

Getting dropped after the first Test in Sri Lanka before Christmas got me down as I didn't think I'd done too much wrong.

I'd been dropped before during the last Ashes series when I felt I was used as a bit of a scapegoat as we needed to change the team and it was me who was left out.

It was a kick in the teeth for me and I didn't come back from it as quick as I would have liked.

NZ view: Mark Richardson's column

So I was very worried about my future in the break before the West Indies series.

James Kirtley didn't do anything wrong in the two Tests in which he replaced me in Sri Lanka, so when I got picked ahead of him for the Caribbean it was weird.

I just couldn't believe it when I played in the first Test, but I'd done a lot of hard work to get there and I felt part of things again.

I'd like to think I'm someone you can't kick out of the side now, though with James Anderson in form and waiting in the wings I guess none of the pace bowlers is safe.

It was a kick in the teeth for me and I didn't come back from it as quick as I would have liked Hoggard on Ashes nightmare Archive: Hoggard in OZ 2002-03

I'm a more relaxed bowler now than ever before. It's all about rhythm and timing, not about running in like a headless chicken and trying to send it down as fast as you can.

I just try to get in the bubble and make sure the bits I work on pre-game are locked in my brain.

I am feeling better every time I bowl since I came back from the Caribbean, and it's been good to have a few hit-outs with Yorkshire.

We know New Zealand will be hard to beat, but the state of the Lord's pitch could have a big say on the outcome of the first Test. Every batsman wants a flat pitch and every bowler wants it green.

We'll take a happy medium, though. If it's got a bit of pace in it that will do us fine. But if the last two Tests there are any indication, there will be plenty of runs in it.

I hope I get the new ball, but there are several in the team that could take it.

Being picked is obviously the main priority, but I don't see any reasons why I shouldn't open the bowling in the first Test.

Steve Harmison and I bowled well in the West Indies so hopefully we can carry it on in the summer.

It's a great feeling to be part of a successful side - and of a pace attack that is receiving a lot of attention.