Alternative Christmas carol By Chris Charles (With apologies to Noddy Holder)

JONNY CHRISTMAS

Are you lining up the goalposts with the ball?
Are you driving all those Aussies up the wall?
Will you kick it with your left foot?
Perhaps you'll use your right
Then hoof it up away and out of sight

CHORUS:
So here it is, Jonny Christmas, all the Pommies having fun
Look at the Aussies now, we've got them on the run

When you're waiting in the pocket at the death
A nervous nation quietly holds its breath
Your mama's stuck in Tesco's
Doesn't want to know the score
Your dad can't bear to watch you any more

So here it is Jonny Christmas, all the Pommies having fun
Look at the Aussies now, we've got them on the run

What will the Aussies do when they see you lining up another one? Oh dear, oh dear

When the kick goes over, you all go insane
Cos life will never be the same again
Take a bus ride round the city, have a teacake with the Queen
Waiting to be told it's all a dream

So here it is Jonny Christmas, all the Pommies having fun
Look at the Aussies now, we've got them on the run

TO FADE...