Stuart Carlisle is just glad to be back on a cricket field as part of Zimbabwe exiles side the Red Lions at the start of their tour of the UK.
However, he admits: "I'm a bit nervous to be honest." Lining up opposite the Zimbabwe team are celebrity side Lashings CC, featuring West Indies greats Sir Viv Richards, Richie Richardson and fast bowler Courtney Walsh.
The last time Carlisle and Walsh were on the same field of play was four years ago when the West Indies fast bowler's five wickets helped deny the tourists what would have been a famous Test victory.
In 2000, Zimbabwe cricket was at the height of its strength, featuring the Flower brothers, Murray Goodwin, Neil Johnson and Henry Olonga.
A lot has changed since then, with events coming to a head in April, when 14 players boycotted the national team in protest at the dismissal of captain Heath Streak.
 |  When I was captain, a couple of times I didn't even know who my team was |
Carlisle was one of the few ever-present players during the last four years and has watched the descent into chaos. What started out as a directive from a government taskforce that more black players should be included in the side has become a pitched battle within Zimbabwe cricket.
"It's been happening for three years - since the taskforce document opened a can of worms," Carlisle tells BBC Sport.
"When I was captain, a couple of times I wasn't involved in selection - I didn't even know who my team was at one stage in India."
| ZIMBABWE RED LIONS Stuart Carlisle (capt), Heath Streak, Grant Flower, Craig Wishart, Travis Friend, Raymond Price, Trevor Gripper, Gary Brent, Barney Rogers, Gavin Ewing, Charles Coventry, Paul Strang |
Things finally came to a head during the April home series against Bangladesh. The 15 rebels claim white batsman Mark Vermeulen was offered double his match fee for the final one-day international to step aside in favour of a fifth black player.
Streak's actions have variously been interpreted as either a call for reform or an ultimatum that he would resign if his demands were not met.
Whatever form his approach took, Streak was then surprised when the Zimbabwe Cricket Union announced his retirement.
"Heath was actually very tame - he had all the transgressions written down, we added ours and he asked to meet [ZCU president] Peter Chingoka to chat about it.
"They said there was nothing wrong with Zimbabwe cricket and there was no need to meet." Carlisle says.
Over the last nine weeks the 15 have been in regular meetings, considering legal threats on both sides. They have been sacked three times, and reinstated twice.
The Red Lions tour is an attempt to get back to playing the game they love, to keep up their profile in front of international authorities and to raise money for legal costs.
| There could have been different ways of showing their solidarity for Heath |
The players that could get contracts have already retired early to domestic cricket in England, Australia and South Africa. Carlisle has had offers of club contracts in Australia and New Zealand but remains reluctant to uproot wife Tracy and their young child from Harare.
"I'm not denying that things are tough. Inflation is very high at the moment and things are getting harder for local people," he says.
"But it's where I was born, I love the country and I don't see why I should move."
Amazingly he still holds out hope of some of these players putting all the bad blood behind them and returning to the national side.
"We could go as far as saying if we want to be rid of this we need a new board in place," he says.
"We've always got the feeling that [the ZCU] don't care too much whether they lose another 15 players.
"But we know there are a lot of people in Zimbabwe who do want the top players and understand we have to have our best team."
MMIX
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"Streak dug a hole and they jumped in"