Can I be a feminist with room for improvement?

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Stefanie Preissner is a best-selling author, screenwriter and playwright and the creator of Ireland’s hit TV series ‘Can’t Cope Won’t Cope’. On The Conversation in Dublin she makes her debut performance of her spoken word piece commissioned by the BBC, 'Subliminal Women'. This is an extract of a programme where leading figures from Ireland including activist Ailbhe Smyth, Hockey Star Nicci Daly and broadcaster Dil Wickremasinghe tackle questions about life after the referendums for women in Ireland. There’s anger, laughter and life tips on how to say no. Click on ‘The Conversation in Dublin’ to hear more. Subliminal Women By Stefanie Preissner How can I be good? What is it that’s proper? Making sure to make all my silver hairs copper? To shave and to wax and to dye and to groom And not be the loudest person in a room. I was that good girl that could have been better That B student, but not A to give it a letter. I was described as always having room to improve In a stultifying system with no room to move. So now I don’t know how to feel if I’m not told I’m afraid to be labelled disruptive or bold. I keep notes in my phone about white male dominion And scramble through Jezebel to form feminist opinions Because I can’t on my own, I find it so tough To form definitive opinions on that sorta stuff. I’m finding my way but there’s no goddam map Wouldn’t it be great if we invented some kind of app That would tell how us how to be the right kind of lady But wouldn’t that be the same thing we battle with daily? Am I doing it right? Am I being a good girl? Am I staying in my lane on the highways of the world? We are socialised and raised to be good and compliant Subliminal messaging to soften us so we don't get defiant. Subliminal women will learn to be Polite and quiet with a flare for maternity From the very first doll they place in a pram To knowing what garnishes go well with spring lamb She can parallel park She can cook a rare steak She takes her holidays during mid term break She has a sixth sense for when something is wrong She’ll remember her in-laws birthdays and look good in a thong. She’ll be a loyal loving friend who has learned to share She’ll have a perfect waist hip ratio and silky soft hair These subliminal messages filling me killing me Coming at me from all sides and silently willing me To believe I’ll be better if I invest in their stuff Cause without the right shade of lipstick I am not enough Without a pout shaded ‘crimson cherry pop red’ I am not worthy of love is what’s being said If I can’t climb up a cliff face overlooking the sea Or do couch to 5K effortlessly If I can’t resist chocolate or get rid of fat If I give in to wrinkles, if I’m not a doormat If I can’t run in a sports bra or spin on a bike Or go for a pre-dawn meditative hike All while I bleed excessively and am in pain from the movement I’m not a good enough woman and there’s room for improvement. Subliminal women are curated from birth Like seeds harvested from their mothers and buried in earth And the soil around is fertilised, augmented With impossible standards to drive us demented. I am a woman. “Nice figure” they shout Here’s some figures we should try figure out 1 in 10 women experience sexual violence 15 million under 18 are married off in silence 32% of parliamentarians are female but we earn 14-20% less depending on detail I’m Googling facts to come up with these rhymes But the figures are depressing and I’m wasting my time Because no matter what way you swing it, or what way it lands It seems women’s experience is shaped by male hands. If all that is so clear to me why am I confused? Why does knowing how I feel leave me feeling bemused? Am I allowed to say I don’t know how I feel? About pregnancy or breastfeeding or chemical peels. Am I a bad woman if I don't share the tweets If I don't wear the t-shirt or occupy streets Can I find my own way to support the cause Can I take time to consider things, just a brief little pause Or do I have to be certain, steadfast no movement Can I be a feminist with room for improvement? Image: Stefanie Preissner Credit: Emily Quinn