Ford and Greg joined us for some vino, nuts and a live chat before the fifth show of series four on the evening of Friday 15th February.

Question from Scott Morrison: How many more series of Chewin' the Fat do you plan to do?
Ford: Nine.
Greg: No more!

Question from David Murdoch: Where did you come up with Captain Nipple Whistle?
Greg: It was written for us by Florence & Connell.
Ford: Aye and they don't have any nipples!
Greg: It was Captain Kipper Whistle for a while, their stuff is full of typos!

Question from Scott Morrison: If you were stranded on a desert island with three of the characters from Chewin' the Fat, who would you want them to be?
Ford: Nipple Whistle, Victor - er, three? …
Greg: I want the three girls from Smack the Pony!

Question from Jabba: I'd love to know who the guys based the neds on?
Greg: Neds!
Ford: Two neds!

Question from Colin Mills: Why have you stopped the gonnae no dae that sketches?
Ford: Cos we're puffed oot wi' it. (fed up)

Comment from Helen C: Awright ya dobbers
Ford: How dare she call us dobbers! Where's she getting it fae?

Question from Michael Harkins: What made you come up with the Big Jock sketch because that is a great sketch?
Greg: We're just puppets. Hired hacks. It was Florence & Connell.

Question from Scott Morrison: Why is it, you're always drinking wine on the chats? Are you alchies or something?
Ford: Cos we're a coupla wind-up widos.

Question from Jack Stewart: What's the best and worst thing about being a Scottish Celebrity?
Greg: Aw, no, you're an ex-racing driver.
Ford: You're the Le Mans man, you should know man.

Question from Stephen Taylor: What comedy programs do you watch to get your laughs?
Greg: Frasier and Larry Sanders and Seinfeld.
Ford: Yeah and Sex and the City, Alan Partridge. Never the Fast Show…
Greg: …or Smack the Pony.

Question from Burberry Boy: Isn’t CTF just a Scottish copy of The Fast Show?
Ford & Greg: Yes, we've been outed by a Sassenach!

Question from Marie-Ann Johnstone: Wot time u on tonight?
Ford & Greg: 10.35pm on BBC1

Comment from Paddy Boy: Chewin the Fat is better than the Fast Show.

Question from Jabba: When are you playing live next ?
Ford: In about half an hour when we get home.
Greg: No plans for the moment. Next summer possibly.

Question from Lobby Dosser: Who's the funniest - WC Fields or the Marx Brothers?
Greg: Excellent question. Marx Bros.
Ford: WC Fields. I hate the xxxx Marx Brothers!

Question from Brian Morrow: Which one of you 2 got in a scrap at the Hampden heroes thing last year?
Greg: That was me and Ford covered for me.

Question from Kevin Bishop: Are we going to see the return of the Big Man's mum in this series?
Ford: I sincerely hope not. I don't want to do that again. The Comedy Unit are sticklers for detail and I had to wear the pants and the lot.

Question from Gazza Anderson: Can you mention my name on tonight’s show. My names Gary Anderson please?
Ford: Aye, if we could go back 6 months in time!
Greg: Yes, if your name's dobber!
Ford: Aye, you'll get four mentions the night!

Question from Brian Morrow: Fair play any truth in the rumour that Denis Law called you a pr*ck?
Greg: No, that was us that called him that.

Question from Chrissy Burt: The two o' yies in a square go, who gets battered?
Greg: I would've thought that was fairly obvious.
Ford: We're going down!

Question from Michael Harkins: Are we going to see more of Big Jock?
Ford: Dunno. We might. We want to see more Captain Nipple Whistle. That's become a national trend.

Question from Scott Morrison: What do the mums of the kids that appear in Chewin the Fat say. They're always saying w*****!!
Greg: We have to cast the net wide and find very liberal parents.
Ford: We generally find them in Poland, cos they don't know what we're saying. We got into a lot of trouble in the old series saying , vank, vank, good guy.

Question from Bonnie Earl: What was it about the town of Greenock that inspired your new floral characters in the show?
Greg: It's a place rich with comedy.
Ford: It was the only sh***hole place in Scotland that we hadnae pointed up. ..
Greg: …and it spawned Richard Wilson!

Question from Brian Morrow: I must say as somebody from Borrheid but who lives in Brum it's a laugh explaining the craic to my workmates.
Greg: Thanks for trying.
Ford: Just bail out, sit back, relax and enjoy it yerself.

Question from Jabba: Why aren't you drinking Fusilier?
Ford & Greg: It's no early enough - it's never too early for a Fusilier.

Question from Rob Macaulay: Why no Karen on the chat?
Ford: She's in Bermuda at the moment and she normally comes back before we shoot the next episode. It's a crazy mixed up show biz life, but that's the way she likes it.

Question from Kevin Bishop: You guys ever thought of doing the Wee Man? He could be the Big Man's son.
Ford: Naw, we were actually thinking about doing just Medium Man.

Question from Chris: Hey guys, what sketch have you enjoyed the most?
Ford: John Wayne's an ******** - last series.
Greg: One that you haven't seen yet.

Question from Tracy: Are you just doing this chat for the free bevvie ???
Greg: It isn't free - you paid for it!

Comment from Dinny You: I deal with a company in Bradford, and they are all fans....they laugh when I talk.. mibby that’s just me.

Question from Chris Elliot: Do you wonder aboot Glesgae for new material?
Ford: Yes, we wonder about Glasgow!

Question from Ian Bowie: In your new series have you done any sketches involving Mosspark Bowling Club?
Ford: Naw, we've switched it for a new source of material - the golf club. Cos there's just as many a**holes there as in the bowling club.

Question from Nick Boogie: What do you think of the Welsh show Lucky Bag?
Ford: Aye, it's no bad. The only problem is it's on that late that you're pished, but then you have to be to enjoy it.
Greg: Aye it's good.

Question from Nick Boogie: Is it troo yer making a series based entirely on the wonderful game of scrabble?
Greg: No!
Ford: Naw - gie's a scrabble, ya dobber!

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