From under me bonnet

Just a quick one, the swag I returned with was not what I went to buy. I bought a lathe (pre-war Myford) a stack of 50's Model Engineer magazines, a box of primus stove spares, an art deco bowl, numerouse old books, a bowl I fell in love with that cost more than I would dream of spending (Grimwades "byzanta") a small pile of machine tool parts, more magazines from the 60's on antique arms, a small block plane for doing end grain, and that is just what I can bring to mind.. Hope that has answered a question. Oh yes and from a junk stall a couple of Waverley novels wot I have now read. chin-chin, Sparkie

Hello dears, back again. Well I had me hols, a trip south to attend the Fairport Convention music festival and a dash round as many antique fairs and car boot sales as I could manage. Wee car performed satisfactory with no major ailments and hauled my bargains and booty ( that is as in "plunder" rather than in reference to my perfectly proportioned rear) home with out complaint. The South was warm but mostly damp. Also it was much changed from how I remember it, by which I mean I got lost and that my map although only twelve years old is out of date. Did you realy expect a Luddite like me to have G.P.S. "No way" as I believe the young people might say.
I am of a generation whose earliest visits, well not earliest, to the doctors was made palatable by the stack of old Punch magazines that were to be found there. These were a progression from the well thumbed copies of the Eagle whose natural habitate was also the waiting room. I didn't read Punch at that age but did read all the cartoons and so became familiar with that vein of humour that is satire. Later at college I read it properly and so discovered writers such as Alan Coren. Punch's stroppy younger sibbling Private Eye opened my eyes to the sleazy realities of political and business life. Later still came the many underground magazines such as International Times , Black Dwarf, and Country Bazaar. The latter a lovely magazine that is still held dear by anyone who encountered it.
Now wot about our atom factories? Well following my last rant our Goverment has decided to part nationalise them. Unfortunatly the public who are to own them are the French (EDF are 80 percent owned by the French Government) . Considering that we managed to build the first nuclear powered generating station in the world (do you remember the dream that it would be so cheap we wouldn't have to pay for it?) it seems staggering that successive governments have allowed us to fall so far behind.
Apparently I, and perhaps some of you, have a part ownership in a few houses here in the good old U.K. and possibly even quite a few in the U.S. The present parlouse state of the economics has found me quite feather bedded. I can't speak for spitting feathers!! But that will have to wait for another day.
Now I know many of you listen to Radio Four, you are all so bright it is obvious, so currently on the humour front what is and what is not funny? Hut 42 and The news quize is, The charm offensive isn't. Well off you go.
All the best, The Sparkie.
p.s. turned a bit chilly here, has someone left a door open in the north?

Hello and nice of you to join us, come in and join the body of the kirk.
Last week my horseless carriage had to have it's m.o.t. ( a yearly test to confirm the roadworthyness of the vehicle). Although interestingly enough we don.t actualy have to have one provided the car doesn't leave the island, I do sometimes venture out. anyway having fixed the faults, it failed, all I needed was new tyre and all would joy unbridled. A phone call and yes we can book you on the 11o'clock ferry out and back at 3.15. Plenty of time, approx 2and a half hours by the time I get to town. Yes leave the car and come back in an hour and the tyre will be fitted. An hour passes and the car is untouched, apparently we dont have that tyre in stock. Off to another garage leave it for an hour etc etc.One hour later and the car is untouched, we are just getting round to it now. Finaly get to the place of testing and after all the usual pleasantries I get the ticket and have all of ten minuets to do shopping. What a waste of time. I am getting more and more intollerant of other people wasting what few years of my grim existance I have left. I guess as time passes the intollerance will increase by an inverse proportion to the time I have left on this earth. What an exquisite old grump I will become, can't wait!
Actualy the day turned out fine in the end as a select three of us went for a walk that evening and watched the sun set over the horizen (where else did you think it would set? Ed) sat around a fire on the beach drinking gin. Hmm that last sentance doesn't quite conjour up the right picture.
Now I know some of you won't be satisfied unless I have a bit of a rant so......
Whilst being interviewed about why some company or government body were not going to pay workers more money the bloke said "We have reached the limit of our affordability" With people mangling the languge so is it any wonder I can't eat toast in the morning without choking on it. And while we are on the subject (Grammer, dont start a sentence with "and" Ed) How often have we heard some minister of something say "lessens will be learnt". What do they think it is, a work experience scheme with on the job training? They are meant to be able to do the job when they start, not after they fouled it up a few times Can't imagine you letting your plumber get away with it. British Energy , our nuclear power generating company is to be sold to the French E.D.F. firm ( the french already own London water) I simply can't imagine any sane country selling it's Utility companies to a foreighn(sp) power. If anyone is going to pollute the U.K. with nuclear waste it should be us!
Anyway as the late John Julious Norwich and his cat Persius used to say "and if you have been thanks for listening" (are you sure his cat said that? Ed)

So with the usual knee jerk news headline grabbing illconsidered policy making we have come to expect, anyone found carrying a knife will, a) be locked up (Tories) b) will be marched off to a victim in hospital (Labour)
Questions:-
1) Wot anyone?
2) Wot anywhere?
3) Wot any size knife?
4) Tories, Do we have the prisons/room/staff?
5) Labour, Who will keep the list of victims, liase(sp) between hospitals, arrange transport, escort thug,?

Sorry to have been away so long, but you know how it is.
Whinge number one. Midges at Rackwick. Camping seemed such a nice idea at 2 o'clock friday afternoon after a dreadful days work. Well it all got worse with the midges. Hurumph.
Now is it me or do our world leaders, and I use the phrase guardedly, do the come across to you as a pretty useless bunch? Apparently the chinese and the russians vetoed the resolution for an arms ban to Zimbabwe. Nothing so touchy as finance or trade but not even an arms ban. The selling of guns and such like. I know I am just a simple chap and don't realy have a grasp on world affairs, just what Humphries and co. tell me on the Today show, but heaven help us surely guns is the last thing anyone should be sending to that poor country. I do try to lay my predjudices aside concerning China and Russia, and look for a their saving grace but but God in heaven, do they just not care?
Is G.B. going down the pan? A simple question deserving a simple answer. Sad to say but I think yes. The old country has failed to keep up with the advances of science and has not put enough investment in encouraging and nurturing the kids for tomorrow. The schools are short of science and physics teachers, presumably because they in turn were not encouraged, and now the panic is beginning to show as we start to lag behind such "third world countries" as india china and iran. Yes iran, apparently they have more physics university students male and female, than we do. What do we invest in? Heritage, preserved coal mines and steel works so the tourists can see what we used to do. Heritage and preservation, 'spect this crowd of political charlatans (of all parties) will be giving us tax breaks to dress up in national costume for the non existant tourists. Hmm thats right, when there is an economic downturn people cut back, you know on things like holidays. "But thats all we do now " I hear you cry "we are G.B. Land, with degree courses in the hospitality industry" Splutter splutter cough, I'll give you "hospitality industry" industry is something with a sodding great chimney on one end and lorry loads of useful stuff coming out the other end, not colour co=ordinated jacket and trousers with hat and scarf to match. "Great" Britain, Great? we don't even make push bikes anymore! ( No, Raleigh assembly bikes from bits made abroad and hope that the deluded patriotic home market will think they are buying British, as will the the happy motorist when he purchases his new chinese M.G. sports car)
Look I do apolagise, and I will go and sit in a darkened room until nursey arrives with my medication, but after having grown up and worked in a country that was more famous for it's cars, motorcycles and steamengines than it's culinary delights it does make me want to spit!
Recommended listening:- Jollity Farm by the Bonzo Dog Do Dah Band
Well dears it's pip-pip, Sparkie

Well I suppose we may as well start a discussion about the "cascaded" ferries (new-speak for what in my day were called "hand-me-downs"). Err where to begin, oh lets start with the only an extra ten minuets to Stromness. With the present timetable of 6 sailings a day that addes up to 2 hours extra sea time. Either the day starts earlier or ends later or the sailings are reduced to 4 a day. Some improvement to the "conectivity" to mainland. Oh really you should have read the consultation leaflet, the ruination of english as she is spoke. Nothing wrong with Stromness but Kirkwall is the main destination when you "go to the town". You go to Stromness for a treat. More time on the bus getting from Stromness to Kirkwall, less time shopping. Oh I,m getting bored with listing the many reasons, I'm sure you can list your (do so by all means). I am also sorry to hear the resignation in everyone's voices when they say the council will just do what they want to anyway.
The cynic in me (surely not) can't help thinking that the decision was made long ago and that the powers that be knew that Hoy was going to be a problem, so what to do? "Lets make the new councilor for Hoy the transport chairman and he can have the mucky end of the stick".
Lets hope I am wrong and that after full and frank discussions with the "stakeholders" (yes thats you, and you thought you were mearly paying passengers) an improved service will be provided with shiny new boats and more sailings to the landfall of choice, Houton.

Well long time no write, sorry. Well I have had my statutary few days south at Cropredy Festival, ( a popular gathering that is centred on the music of Fairport Convention) but that is of little consequence. No what i want to chat about is pirate radio. At the festival amongst the stalls selling all the gegaws that one expects to find catering for a lost generation that is attracted to anything with a rainbow on it was a stall for Radio Caroline. Yes that Radio Caroline! Seems they are still going strong with broadcasting on the net now, but they still have their ship, the Ross Revenge, (the Mia Amigo sunk if you remember). Anyway having been an avid listener to Caroline south in my formative years I had a few happy memories chatting about old times. One does that sort of thing at my time of life, now less of your cheek. Anyway the old Communucator came up for discussion (that is the one that was/is at St Margerets Hope) and what a shame it was that it is to be broken up. For younger readers the pirate ships were radio stations that set up broadcasting off shore before the days of Radio1,2,3,4 etc when the only pop music to be heard in these sceptered isles came waffting over from Radio Luxemberg, and I do mean waffting, or for half an hour or so on a saturday morning with Jack Jackson. Naturaly that old tory Sir Anthony Wedgewood Benn, later to become plane old Tony Benn, as post master general put a stop to it and Radio 1 et al were born. Now as I sat in the festival field listening to Fairport and The Strawbs, and in past years The String Band etc I fell to thinking that but for dear old John Peel bobbing about on the waves with The Perfumed Garden (his show) on his pirate ship the M,V, Galaxy I would never have heard of these bands. So cheers John and thanks pirates.
T.V. programs to come, :-
Celebraty Car swop, Clarkson gets Hawkings wheel chair for a week and Stephen gets a GT 40
Celebrety Blender swop, top chefs use other peoples food mixers
other suggestions welcome.
thats your lot.
p.s. anyone know where you can get a valve amp checked over in Orkney?

Now a wee young nedlette, name of Roberto (name changed to protect etc etc), has been pestering me to write another blog, "Oh please deign to, autumn leaf like, allow more of your wise words to descend upon our unworthy heads". How gullable the youth of today think us. Well despite such pathetic pleadings I will.
Sunday dawned cold, distinctly blowy, and having the appearance of rain, just the sort of day to go for a walk to view the corpse of a long dead whale washed up on the shore. (hardly likely to be washed up in the middle of a field). The whale was still ashore and fairly complete, despite the birds having had a go at it and strange to say folk had, apparently armed with swiss army knives, hacked of souveniers. Now a small sphere filled with water and plastic chips enveloping a model of St. Magnus is a momento, a pebble collected from atop Ward hill, thats a momento but a lump of rancid whale mouth filter? Oh please! Anyway said whale was an excuse for a walk and got me out the house. I will not mention the truly horrid pen and ink it gave off!
Had the distinctly strange experience of meeting my name sake yesterday. Whilst earning my crust a week or two ago I was called upon to assist at a birth, and in my honour the youngster was named after me. With a full head of rich black hair I was reminded of myself when a youth, and sent hareing back (see what I did there, hair and hare, ?) hareing back to happier, carefree days. Anyway the young calf seems to be doing well and I am looking forward to steak pie, only joking.
Actually a mate of mine down in the smoke got his butcher to get him some Orkney beef to try the difference and now has a regular order and the butcher sells a fair bit of it now.
Politics! Will the "Hub" become a local political issue in the coming local elections? If you are concerned at all by this issue, and are local, make it so, ask the candidate.
I understand that the pic. of my daffodils didn't come out so will try again. With hedgehogs coming out of hibernation and going hungry because there is not enough to eat we are indeed living in strange times. It must be said winter may have been mild but hell it has been wet! Noah, and that brings us back to whales and so time to end. farewell dear reader, until the next time, The Hoy sparkie.

No, it was just to get your attention, What you do is advertise an ugly spud competition, first prize a fiver, all spuds to be sent to you. Pick a spud, pay the prize and start bagging up all the spuds you have been sent.
Anyway back to business. Apparently my reference to the "wireless" seems to have given rise to some jocularity, "Radio" is a truncation of radio wave receiving device, or some such, "trannie" has, today, other connortations, (ref. "gay" "bad" "cool" etc in modern lingua franca) and I don.t wish to mislead, so we have wireless.
Yes I do still have a gramaphone, a transcription one. But I also have a programme for converting analogue to digital so can put records onto c.d. This is not so great an idea as it at first seems. Records have to be washed and dried first, then played at normal speed to get the signal, then you have the option of removing clicks scratches etc, then you can re-balance the sound finaly you can record it to c.d. You have now listened to the entire record at least once, bits of it a dozen times as you play about with it, and finaly you play your new c.d. to check it. All this to a record that you havn't listened to for twenty years, result you won't listen to it again for another twenty years 'cos you are heartily sick of it now.
Spring is here, I have a daffodil out, see pic. same one blooms early every year, last week of Feb (a week early this year). To those of you eagerly awaiting news of my new shed it is still at the planning stage, though I am amazed at the amount of "come in handy" stuff that I am removing from the ruins of the old one and am now tossing merrily onto the scrap heap as of no further use.
The new lifeboat has gone off service with an engine fault, a rod came out for a breath of fresh air, through the side of the crankcase! Is it just me or do others think modern diesel engines are over stressed with turbos etc? Well sorry chaps and chappesses but I need a brew so I'm off. Cheers Paul

Not much really to write about so I am having a winge (it's that sort of day) Now I know it's not realy important but I am quite fed up with the attitude the t.v. programmers have to their viewing public. "Oh do tell sparkie, the big brother stuff, the soaps maybe?" No it's the way that the programmers have such a disregard for us (me) that they feel they can show the christmas special of The Simpsons on the last day of January! Yes I know it is only a cartoon (animation if it is art) but how often have you sat through a seasonal special at the completly wrong time of year? To often I think, but it is a reflection of how much regard they have for the viewer. Hurumph.
Politics, hmm sticky subject, who to vote for? (should you choose to vote). I would like Scotland to remain part of the union, so no SNP, Mr Blair and his like are untenable now and the Mrs T still haunts my waking hours, so Libs? Greens? Monster raving loonies? I think it is going to be a tough call.
I know this is BBC site and that one realy should not bite the hand etc etc but really some of the radio 4 funnies at 6.30 begger belief. As you would expect of your correspondent I have phoned and complained but do they listen? "Oh quick change the subject before he starts going on about ITMA and Glums" I've never said I liked the Glums. Does anyone remember the Angus Prune show? Being serious for a moment I have to say that the wireless has always been my entertainment of choice, all other media come second, well not books obviously but wireless was the first technical medium that I could make an informed choice about, pirate radio actually and that I could act upon. Sadly I get the impression that radio is now seen as just another thing to fill a vacant moment or two rather than a thing to be savoured.
Well just a bit of a ramble I am afraid. The Sparkie.