If the pressure of Christmas is starting to get to you, performance artist Bobby Baker is on hand with the perfect antidote; home-baked Christmas antlers which are guaranteed to boost your status at those trying times (see recipe below).
Forthcoming Dates Bobby is currently touring her most recent show, How to Live:
Oxford Playhouse :: Fri 19 Jan & Sat 20 Jan ICIA Theatre, University of Bath :: Sat 27 – Sun 28 Jan
These Baked Antlers, which can be a marvellously useful item to wear throughout the year so as to quickly and economically increase one’s status, can be cunningly ‘customised’ for Christmas in this recipe below.
Ingredients: 750gm STRONG flour (brown or white, to taste) 1 sachet Fast Action Bread Yeast 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon sugar
Half pint cold water mixed with a quarter pint boiling water 1 tablespoon oil
Small tub whole glace cherries
3 metal coat hangers Green garden wire Pliers for shaping coat hangers 1 metre shiny red ribbon
Method: Mix dry ingredients together in a large bowl, or food processor with dough hook. Mix water and oil together and pour into flour mixture. Knead together until it forms a firm, warm, squidgy dough. [At this stage one can press one’s face into the dough for the sheer pleasure of it, or to calm one down due to thoughts of lack of status] Place in bowl, cover with cling film and leave to rise for approx 1 hour.
Whilst dough is rising twist 2 of the 3 coat hangers into antler shaped ‘armatures’ –making sure to leave 10 cm wire sticking out at the end. Twist 3rd coat hanger into a halo shaped ‘head band’ that neatly fits on to the head like a hair band.
When dough has risen to 3 times it’s original size ‘knock it back’ to a small ball. (This again can be therapeutic for dealing with thoughts about irritating people) Take approx half the dough and flatten out on work surface dusted with flour to fit the antler shaped ‘armature’. Press the ‘armature’ into the dough and paint with water round the wire. Fold dough over the wire to cover completely, except for 10 cm length of wire sticking out at the end. Twiddle some ‘antler shaped’ knobbles around the edges, in an artistic fashion, and then stick glace cherries into the dough [again using water as a glue] to give that special Christmas touch. Bake on an oiled baking tray in a hot oven until nicely browned.
When the antlers have cooled, attach to the top of the wire head-band by twisting the garden wire round the exposed wire end, and finally, tie the ribbon [cut in half] on each side of the lower rim of the head band so that the antlers can be worn, tied in a festive bow firmly under the chin.
TRY THEM –they are guaranteed to help you cope in ANY SITUATION where you feel taken for granted, or have no status, or are even feeling somewhat invisible or overly stressed.
They can also be an economical and attractive gift for anxious or humble friends and family.
