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About John Peel
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Slough of Despond "When Lynn talked about the suicide of her boyfriend and the deep depression she fell into as a result, George contacted us to share his experience of depression and of coming out the other side. As often happens on Home Truths, the effect has been a 'snowballing', and one of the many terrific letters we had was from Eryl Griffiths... Dear John
Depression is one hell of a state, as your listener of your August 3rd programme graphically related. An old film of an alcoholic entitled "Lost Weekend" starring Ray Milland is just what it's like, only the state of being in an emotional no man's land is never ending until the medication finally kicks in, and believe me, it's a long haul.
Your mind seems as if it's on a perpetual emotional switch back trying to cope with some semblance of normal everyday living while there's a symphony of irrational fears, doubts, suspicions of all and sundry hacking their way into a hunk of grey matter out of control. What made matters worse for me was a perpetual throw back of nightmarish thoughts and experiences when many years before I had worked in close contact with patients in a mental hospital.
I always felt like two people, the real me struggling to get into the body that was the emotionally dismembered me. No one understands the depressed one, people I knew were distant somehow for it seemed that any kind of mental disturbance was a social stigma I was the leper who felt on many occasions I wanted to bellow "I'm not unclean, I don't want to be cast out, why the hell can't you all understand I'm not at all bonkers, and if I'd had some serious physical illness you'd all be too ready to sympathise and offer your support".
I was so emotionally frail, I just couldn't go the nearby post-box with mail, there was someone out there who was going to get me, what for God alone knows. Callers at the house I viewed with a dark brooding suspicion, a kind of cross between a CIA agent and a Soviet NKVD interrogator, a most unwholesome state for me, a normally gregarious, expressive person used to rattling off articles and other material for publication. Marks out of ten – zero minus. Looking back now, my mental state at worst was as deep if not deeper than the Slough of Despond as described by John Bunyan in "Pilgrim’s Progress."
Cutting a long story short it took the dedicated and patient effort of my long suffering better half who endured the torment of nights when I slept fitfully and talked aloud in virtual incoherent and totally unconnected gibberish, plus the medication prescribed and her overseeing of its administration, plus the tapering off of the dosage.
It takes some time, up to twelve months or more to get back on an even keel. Normally now I’m an early bird, up and about, making the tea and sorting out our dogs. Since recovery I discovered that part of the depressive process is a lack of serotonin, a substance present in blood serum which constricts the blood vessels and acts as a neurotransmitter.
Finally, for any fellow sufferers it is essential to complete the course of medication and be weaned off gradually, sometimes a hard decision for depression has some pretty hairy moments of doubt and self justification. I would like to see wider publicity given to an uncomprehending public whose outdated fear ridden outlook goes back to grim looking red brick buildings of barred confinement, so that they may understand there is no stigma to depression, for they or their loved ones could one day be subject to this most distressing medical condition.
Best Wishes,
Eryl Griffiths
And Nicola, emailed to recomend,
"The Noonday Demon - An Anatomy of Depression" by Andrew Solomon, published 2002 by Vintage. 'It's a very readable account of depression, the wide variety of treatments available, suicide, and other factors. Please, please take a look at this book!!'
Many thanks to you all.
George's Story
Lynn's storyFor more information on Depression and support groups:
BBCi's Mental Health page
has useful information and links, including a page specifically on depression
Depression Alliance
SoBS - Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
A self-help group for friends and family of people who have committed suicide.
If you have weathered a storm
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