When Paul was depressed, his whole outlook changed. Everything was an effort, even making up his mind about whether he wanted a cup of tea was sometimes too much, which put a huge burden on Lynn...

Lynn Jones

After Paul lost his job, Lynn took to setting him tasks to keep him busy through the day. He went to the GP and got anti-depressants. But she wasn't sure whether he was taking the pills; they certainly didn't seem work.

During the nights leading up to Paul's suicide, Lynn felt completely drained and exhausted. She was worried that he was going to attempt suicide and made him promise not to take an overdose.

Lynn knew something was wrong when Paul failed to meet her after work one day. She went to his flat, but didn't have a key, and the police wouldn't break into the flat. The next day she went to work, and remembered saying 'Paul's dead and I don't know what to do about it'. But no one took her seriously. It was only when she was frantic the next evening that the police broke in. He hadn't taking an overdose, but had committed suicide. No note was left though he had a pamphlet on depression in his pocket.

For weeks after his death, Lynn felt as though the world had stopped, as though she was dying. It came to a point when her mum was actually feeding her. Only when she realised that Paul's death was never going to 'go away', that Lynn decided that she had to start living again.

Then a couple of years ago, she found a group called 'Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide'. Meeting other people who had been through similar experiences came as a huge relief. This was 13 yeas after Paul's suicide.

She has had relationships with other men, but they have not worked out, which in retrospect she thinks is because Paul was 'with her' for all those years. Now she's reaching a point where she can move on.

Lynn has started a SoBS group in Liverpool who meet once a month. Some people just want to listen to others, but eventually you get to a point - as she has - where you can speak about it.

Useful Links:
SoBS - Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
A self-help group for friends and family of people who have committed suicide.