 | Guide Entry: Planet Earth
by Steve McKinney
For a quick handle on this ordinary blue-green spheroid think interactive, pre-civilisation theme park.
The dominant species are ape descendants who have abandoned the trees and fur motif. Levels of unhappiness are so bad that is it only the loss of their tails and deforestation that prevents them from satisfying the urge to return to the forest canopy.
Though difficult to pinpoint exactly where human development went so badly wrong it is thought that humans fell off the technology bandwagon soon after developing it. Winegrab Snood, author of the seminal tract on life form development "Have rock, will bang it", theorises that humans are a good example of a species driven by fear and sex and more especially the fear of not having sex. This results in new forms of technology being quickly adapted to either project violence or meet potential partners. Many observers think that, given their many irrational belief systems and habit of global conflict, the human race has the life expectancy of a small amphibian orbiting a black hole in a blender.
Visitors to this soon to be addendum in the Planetary Gazetteer are advised to wear anti-penetrative clothing and high factor environmental and anti-radiation lotions, as control over cruder forms of technology is haphazard at best. Whilst in the heart of many major cities the appearance of certain non-humanoid life forms will not arouse any interest, visitors who stray too far from the limb-on-each-corner model might satisfy the curious by claiming to be a boy band, as it is only the most gullible who pay any attention to this phenomenon.
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