 | Guide Entry: Planet Earth
by Jeremy Parsons
Mostly waterlogged, planet Earth offers some diversions for the committed hiker, making up for its admittedly primitive character.
If your physical form differs significantly from the bipedal monohead human species, acclimatise unobserved on the underground transport network of one of the more cosmopolitan cities - such as New York or London. Humanity considers itself to be in total authority, and while this misconception is comical, adopt it as your worldview for the duration of your stay. People will treat any accidental disclosure of the truth as likeable eccentricity; the mice, however, welcome galactic visitors in much the same way that the Rigellan Piranha loves to welcome your unwary toe.
The main human obsession is travel, and the culture is summarised by the saying that "to travel hopefully is better than to arrive." The affairs of the world are therefore organised to ensure that the choicest parts of every day can be spent queuing - whether breathing noxious engine fumes on roads, chemical simulated food fragrances in shops, or a festival of bad breath and body odour in pubs and clubs.
Conversational possibilities are limited, but necessity being the mother of invention almost every species of flora has been made available in the form of alcohol, rendering speech superfluous even when feasible. No prior research is needed, therefore, and indeed demonstrating factual knowledge or rational thought will close every social door. Conscious or artificially induced reduction of brain activity, conversely, will gain access to every party and a wide variety of physical recreation. Mild violence is endemic, but micron-thin Mintakan armour makes this amusing and harmless.
[Note to editor: I realise you may not have space to publish this whole entry, but as I was especially proud of its start and finish perhaps you would leave these unchanged]
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