Twenty years ago, when Simon was a whippersnapper presenter on BBC Radio 1, he received thousands of letters from listeners confessing their darkest secrets and worst misdemeanours, begging for his forgiveness. Every day, Father Mayo read out a confession - and then he'd decide whether to grant forgiveness or not.
Now Confessions is back on BBC Radio 2 Drivetime. Read a Confession below, then Send Simon Your Confession
Dear Father Mayo and assembled collective,
In the 1960's I was a student nurse doing my training in a large city hospital. On this particular day I was gaining experience on an elderly female medical ward.
In those days wards of this sort were called nightingale wards and were very long with the patients beds lining the walls on either side and facing each other with just a small locker separating each of the beds.
Sadly on this day one of the patients an elderly lady had died. I will call her Mrs A.
Staff Nurse decided in her wisdom that it was time that I learned the rudiments of "last offices" nursing terminology for the laying out of the deceased.
So together behind closed curtains we set about making Mrs A look as peaceful and pleasant as possible for when her relatives came to say their final goodbyes. This involved washing Mrs A, brushing her hair, fitting her dentures and generally allot of TLC, as you would expect under such circumstances.
Later that day long after Mrs A had been despatched to the hospital mortuary, I noticed that the lady that had been in the bed next to her appeared to be very upset. I will call her Mrs B.
I went over to her with the intention of reassuring her and comforting her over the demise of Mrs A, but soon realised that this wasn't the reason for her distress at all, she was in fact upset because she couldn't get her dentures to fit. They appeared to be far too big.
After several attempts to help her, it gradually began to dawn on me to my total horror what had happened.
Mrs B had the wrong dentures! Hers were now resting safely in Mrs A in the mortuary, I knew I was to blame as I had not checked that the dentures that I had handed to the staff nurse for Mrs A were the correct ones, and being smaller they had fitted reasonably well.
I had to think quickly on my feet. Luckily for me it was Sisters day off, so as soon as staff nurse went for her 15min break I took my opportunity.
Grabbing the dentures from a somewhat confused and now surprised Mrs B (who was unable to object effectively as she has no teeth) I offered a rather lame excuse that I would take them to the hospital workshop to sort them out and sprinted from the ward to the mortuary.
This involved some considerable distance down two flights of stairs across two floors, across the hospital car park and over to the far corner of the hospital grounds.
After much pleading and begging through an intercom to the mortuary attendant, he finally begrudgingly allowed me in, and between us we removed Mrs B's dentures from the now decidedly chilled Mrs A. No mean feat believe me!
With Mrs A's dentures replaced and Mrs B's dentures firmly in my pocket, I sprinted back to the ward, hot and bothered but thankfully not missed. I gave the dentures a quick scrub behind the nurses station, and as nonchalantly as I could, I made my way back to Mrs B's bedside my best nurses smile on my face and handed her the shiny dentures.
Thank fully Mrs B's visitors were just arriving and as I handed them over no explanation was asked for or needed as she was so pleased to have her dentures back in time for her family visit.
As she happily slid her dentures into her mouth I couldn't help but feel a shiver go down my spine knowing full well where they had been just minutes before.
Luckily the mortuary attendant never did spill the beans and I got away with my horrible mistake.
Can I be forgiven please?
If it helps my case, I went on to qualify as a nurse and then eventually as a Sister where I remained for 37 years!!
Ann
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