Christian and Single

Web Script

Please note: This script cannot exactly reflect the transmission. It may include editorial notes prepared by the producer, and minor spelling and other errors. It may contain gaps to be filled in at the time so that prayers may reflect the needs of the world, and changes may also be made at the last minute for timing reasons, or to reflect current events.

Eleanor

MusicO Come to the Altar

Good morning and welcome to Sunday worship on Radio 4. My name is Rev’d Eleanor Jeans and I’m the Associate Vicar at St Paul’s Church in Leamington Spa.

 This week is Valentine’s day, a day both loved and loathed. A day I don’t have many fond memories of if I am honest, apart from the time a boy gave me his last chocolate in a tiny box. In fact, there’s still a part of me that wonders whether a card will drop through the door each year and when something does, I’m disappointed to find it’s a bill!

Yet St Valentine didn’t really have much to do with romance it turns out.

 According to legend, Valentine signed a letter “from your Valentine” to his jailer’s daughter, whom he had healed. Another legend states that he went against the emperor’s orders and secretly married couples to spare the husbands from war. Whoever Valentine was, however, what is clear is that he stood up for his faith. He refused to worship other gods or idols and as a result lost his life. What a reminder of the power of faith and love whoever we are, whatever our marital status!

Speaking of marital or relationship status, I’ve always been single and in the last few years have felt called to help those who are Christian and single see the positives of singleness and to find purpose and security in it, whether that be for a season or for life, and whatever people’s sexual orientation. And so today, we’ll be reflecting on what it means to be single and a Christian. We’ll hear the experiences of some single Christians and remind ourselves of the ways God speaks to us about who we are through scripture, and how it’s possible to find joy, whatever our circumstances in life. 

 Our opening hymn joins us together with creation to praise our God of love. Joyful joyful, we adore thee. 

Music. Joyful joyful we adore thee.

Landesjugend Jazzorchester

So let us pray

PRAYER

God of wonder and joy:

You alone are the source of life and love.

As we pray those words, we are mindful of those affected by the earthquake in Turkey and Syria. Wrap them in your love at this difficult time. And we pray for the Church of England after a challenging week at General Synod. Breathe your peace, grace and wisdom as the church responds.

Send your Holy Spirit and pour into our hearts that most excellent gift of love, as we worship you now.

In Jesus name

Amen

Steve and Arabella are both single and they share some of their thoughts and experiences of being single 

Arabella

Steve:

Music  In Christ Alone 

Stuart Townend performed by Susan Ashton

In that song we sang the words I am his and he is mine, words we’ll hear reflected in our first reading.’ This is Song of Songs Chapter 6 

 Reading -Song of Songs 6:1-3

“Where has your beloved gone, O fairest among women? Which way has your beloved turned, that we may seek him with you? 2My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to pasture his flock in the gardens, and to gather lilies. 3I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he pastures his flock among the lilies.”

5 years ago, Rev’d Kate Wharton, vicar of St Bart’s Roby in Liverpool, stood in Liverpool Cathedral in front of family and friends in a public commitment of singleness and celibacy. She shares some of her story now. 

 Reflection - Kate Wharton 

BELOVED 

When Jesus was by his cousin John in the River Jordan, we’re told in the gospels that heaven was opened, a dove came down to rest upon him, and a voice was heard, the voice of God the Father, calling Jesus his ‘beloved’. It’s a lovely image, a moment in which we see the three persons of the Trinity interacting beautifully with one another.

 It's such a beautiful, intimate word, isn’t it? Beloved. It isn’t a word we’d use for just anybody. It’s a word that has deep meaning, a word with weight and significance. 

The word beloved has become very special to me over the past few years. I’m single, I have always been single, and I’ve been on quite a journey with God about what that means in my life, and how I can best live well within it.

A few years ago I began to sense that God was calling me to remain single. This isn’t something I had expected, or had looked for. Ever since I was a little girl, I had hoped and imagined that one day I would get married and have children. But I had begun to speak and write about singleness, and to think myself, and encourage others, about how to live life to the full as a single person. 

I sensed this calling from God, and I immediately knew that I would accept and embrace it, even though it wasn’t what I’d expected. I did this wholeheartedly, even though I didn’t really know at that point what it would look like, because I believe that living in the centre of God’s will for me was the best thing I could do – and uncertain as it all was, I was sure that this was indeed God’s will for my life. 

Some time after this I was again surprised by God’s specific call on my life, as I began to sense that he was asking me to make a public commitment to this calling to singleness and celibacy.

I asked God what he wanted me to do, and prayed for grace and courage to do it. Over time, a clearer sense began to emerge. I planned a ceremony, I wrote vows, I invited friends. To start with, I jokingly referred to the whole event as ‘The Thing’ because I didn’t quite have the right language for it. But as the planning began, it suddenly came to me – this was to be a beLOVED ceremony. Several years earlier I had heard something in a sermon which had stuck with me ever since. The speaker said this: “God calls us beloved, and he says be loved.” I thought that was so moving, and so special, and I’d never forgotten it.

I know you can’t tell this because you can’t see it written down, but in the context of my ceremony the word beloved is written with a small be and a large LOVED, as my attempt to capture the intent of that phrase from the sermon. beLOVED.

 I am God’s beloved. You are God’s beloved. We might sometimes find that hard to hear, and hard to believe, and hard to understand, but it is no less true because of that. Today, and tomorrow, and every day, God calls us beloved and he says be loved.

Music -In Christ Alone

Lou Fellingham

Reading

 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. 

Those words are from Paul’s letter to the Philippians Chapter 4. I always had a picture of myself getting married and never thought I’d find myself in the position I’m in today - single and potentially called to remain single. 

Looking back to my twenties and thirties I really struggled seeing others marry when I wasn’t. It hurt, it was challenging. And then one day someone gave me the words we’ve just heard from Philippians 4. about being content. If I’m honest, I wanted to throw those words back. I didn’t want to be content as I was - it was a secret I had no desire to learn. I questioned God, his plan, his love for me. 

Yet, now, I can honestly say that I’ve learned that secret - although there’s still far more to learn - I’m a work in progress as we all are .

I can say that I’m content as a single person. I’ve my moments, but, that’s ok. 

Contentment - being at peace with what you have, your lot if you like, is something many of us find difficult in today’s world. So it’s a challenge to be content - whether that’s with material things or, in this case particularly, relationships. 

Yet hear these words of the Apostle Paul

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

These serve as A reminder that Paul, too, was single!

He’d faced so much in his life, he wrote that he had a thorn in his flesh - there were things he struggled with and was challenged by - yet he was content….. 

Whatever we face, whether in need or in want, we can be content, as St Paul said. But that’s not to say we shouldn’t try to better ourselves. And that’s not to say that foodbanks are a good thing. Far from it - the bible never suggests poverty of any kind to be good. Our God is God of plenty – or at least the God of enough…

So what’s the secret when it comes to singleness? Well this is what I’m learning 

I’m learning that God loves me as I am, as a child of God - that I’m fearfully and wonderfully made as Psalm 139 says. 

I’m learning that God is with me in all I face. 

I’m learning to acknowledge that I’m whole and complete as I am - I don’t need a partner to be whole. But I do need others - I need to invest in my friendships. 

I’m learning to accept that my identity is not wrapped up in my marital status 

In John 15, Jesus says …..Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. (Vs 4) 

There’s a promise from Jesus there; when we remain in him, he will remain in us and we’ll bear fruit. Surely that’s better than waiting for something to happen. Surely it’s better to make a difference by the lives we live, being content with our lot, saying ‘it is well with my soul’ as we’ll sing shortly. 

If you’re listening and are single, be encouraged. If you’re not single, this is for you too! I believe we all need to learn the secret of being content.

Mike Simpson reflects now on the bereavement and grief experienced after divorce, a situation which can often be met with spoken or unspoken judgement Yet God reminds us that he’s there. 

Not alone

Earlier this winter I walked on a beach with a friend who was grieving the loss of his wife after a long battle with cancer. The sky was pure blue and the air was fresh. I listened to him and we shared in the glorious sunshine. Afterwards he messaged me saying, “I felt good because I was able to talk without being judged. And I realised that this was the first time I’ve noticed the sun for two years”.

The impact of bereavement can feel very dark. Many people say that their experience of divorce is also a kind of deep grieving.

My own experience was like that.

As a single man and a single parent I found many people didn’t how to respond. Friends and family helped with practical matters but there was certainly no way I could share the profound grief over the loss I felt. I was divorced not widowed after all! In my divorce I was ultimately alone in my grieving. Many people who lose loved ones feel that same isolation. They may have no family to turn to.

Jesus spoke of an alternative family. When He was told his mother and brothers were outside the place where he was speaking he gestured to his disciples and said “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Churches sometimes focus on the biological family rather than this spiritual fellowship spoken of by Jesus. They advertise themselves as ‘Family-friendly’ and many single people, of all ages, can feel less valued. I have attended some churches on my own and felt ignored.

Regardless of how good the Church is at supporting the lonely and isolated, my experience as a single person is of God travelling with me, including through dark times. It is this fellowship with Christ which sustains me.

As my grieving friend said after we walked and talked on the beach recently, “I noticed the sun again’.

Music Song - it is well with my soul 

Lynda RandleALBUM

We’ve heard from some who feel called to remain single and celibate, but not everyone who’s single feels that. Others dearly want to meet someone, Simon and Nicola share their experiences of singleness and how they are going about meeting a partner. 

 Nicola: 

Simon 

 From seeking love to being happy Single. We hear now from Julia Loveless (what a fantastic name!) who’ s a poet, vocalist, and songwriter . She’s going to read her polemical poem – which is full on about living with singleness as a Christian. For me, It speaks powerfully into the way singleness can be seen by others. 

Poem. THOUGHTS ON CHRISTIAN SINGLENESS - Julia Loveless

I don’t have a boyfriend. 

And that’s okay - I’m really okay with that 

Please don’t make me justify it 

Just because you think my contentment is dependent on being with someone 

I am learning to be content in every situation 

So don’t raise your eyebrows in exasperation every time I deny 

Your latest observation about who I talked to at the coffee station 

I’m single, not bereft. 

There’s not a cleft down my soul 

two halves may make a whole 

But, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise half of me was missing 

So forgive me if I don’t listen to your whispering about who I should meet 

or whose parents I should greet with a more charming smile 

because all the while, behind the grin 

you’re helping the doubts set in. 

This match making culture we’re creating isn’t doing much at abating 

the three things society is dictating to me: 

I am incomplete without my soul-mate 

Never settle, but don’t let it get too late 

and as for my happiness? Well that’s up for debate, just so long as I am on my own. 

Well. Let’s try that again shall we? 

I am made whole in God. 

Concerns about my biological clock just don’t take stock, when I serve the author of time 

And as for my happiness, well that’s in His Grace - and not in the face of some stranger, I may or may not 

meet. 

Please don’t take this as a vent, because I know - so often - the intent behind the comments is so well meant, 

And I myself am just as guilty for taking on the lies that are sold to us by everybody else 

But us? We’re supposed to be different, told to swim against the stream, not just to sit back and dream about our 

one day King or one day Queen - there’s a bigger picture to be seen! 

So whatever stage we are at, I would hope we would act, with the same sort of care and tact that would set us apart. 

 So just a little plea from us single guys and girls - we already get enough pressure from the world, but our Church, 

our community, should be encouraging us as an amenity - along with marriage and family, singles create diversity. 

For though there are doors in marriage that singles can’t claim, there are callings singleness that marriage can’t 

attain! 

And whether we are called to one or the other, doesn’t make a shred of difference, 

because the one who’s above us, planned it all. 

I’m single, not forlorn, 

Because before born He was making a way just to say to me, “You are NOT alone” 

So He will always sit on the throne of my heart 

And maybe someday a guy will play a part, 

But even if he doesn’t and I don’t walk down that aisle, 

will you let me carry on with a hint of a smile? 

And it won’t be for his parents or faked for my friends, 

it’ll be for my God, who made the ultimate amends. 

So if you catch me grinning and can’t understand why, 

or see how I can be happy without a guy by my side, 

Just remember: there’s more than one way to end the story, 

And if we’re on His side, then they all end in Glory. 

(printed with permission of Julia Loveless)

Music.

Yet not I but through Christ in me 

Keith & Kristyn Getty,

Intercessions and Lord’s prayer music runs under

J.S. Bach: Sonata for Violin Solo No. 3 in C Major, BWV 1005 - 3. Largo

Arthur Grumiaux

Heavenly Father, thank you that in you we find a love far greater than our experience of human love shows us. Thank you that we are be-LOVED, that you cared so much for us that you came to show us that we are not alone whatever our situation. Help us to hold on to that reminder in the good and the bad times. 

Lord in your mercy Hear our prayer 

We pray for all who are struggling with their marital or relationship status today. For those in abusive relationships who need to get away. And For those who are lonely, for those wondering about the future of their relationship, those longing to meet someone, those longing for children, those confused and hurting. Lord Jesus, would you meet them in their need this day. Bring them comfort and peace and help them to know your presence.

Lord in your mercy hear our prayer 

Today is Racial justice Sunday and so we pray - Merciful God, 

you are righteous and love justice: 

stir the hearts of your people that, 

rejoicing in our diversity, 

we may repent of the wrongs of the past, 

and, by your grace, seek the peaceable kingdom of your Son, 

our Saviour Jesus Christ 

Lord in your mercy hear our prayer 

Finally, we pray for the world, where there is unrest please bring your peace and justice, where there is hurt, sickness or mental distress, bring healing, where there is confusion bring calm. May your Holy Spirit equip and guide your people wherever we may find ourselves.

Lord in your mercy Hear our prayer 

Let’s bring our prayers together in the words Jesus gave us 

LORD’s PRAYER 

Music

Music Take my life and let it be Geraldine Latty

Link 12 BLESSING 

God the Holy Trinity make you strong in faith and love, 

defend you on every side, and guide you in truth and peace; 

and the blessing of God almighty, 

the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, 

be among you and remain with you always. 

Amen.

Todays service was led by the Rev’d Eleanor Jeans. The producer was Carmel Lonergan.