Bob Mortimer

Writer and Musician, Jahnavi Harrison:
I’m about to embark on some new music recording this week. I think admitting it on national radio is a good way of keeping myself accountable, cause, the thing is before approaching any creative project, something else happens with ever impeccable timing. Fear looms, like a big grey cloud on the horizon. I can see it arriving. I’ll be feeling fine and then as soon as I commit to some creative goal, it appears. 
My friends and family know the cycle by now. I’ll tell them excitedly about my inspired idea and then within days, or even hours sometimes, I’m lost inside the cloud, doubting myself and ‘why did I ever choose to go down this path anyway?’; ‘I don’t think I have anything useful to offer to the world’ and ‘I’ve always wanted to become a florist’. Thorough vacuuming of the corners on the stairs becomes top priority, as does reorganising my cupboards and working through my email inbox. The pattern is so familiar to those close to me that they just give me a knowing smile and sometimes a few words. It can be agonising, but the shift always comes for me, when I remember the purpose of my art as an offering to God. 
I was inspired to read the other day that the classical composer Bach used to write at the head of his compositions “A.M.D.G.,” Latin initials meaning “For the Greater Glory of God.” I love this concept of art as an offering; art as prayer. There’s a freedom in reminding myself that what I have to offer never belonged to me. The ability to sing, to use my hands, didn’t come from any effort of mine. And I can’t claim ownership to the inspiration. It can be nurtured, fanned, encouraged, but never commanded. Perhaps that’s part of the fear – will it happen this time or will I look like a fool? I ask myself – does it matter? Surely a humble offering from a fool is better than no offering at all? Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita that he accepts even a flower or a leaf, if offered with love. I think I can manage the artistic equivalent. So, yes… even though I have lots of laundry to fold, I will be starting this week – clouds and all.