To Disagree Well

Please note:

This script cannot exactly reflect the transmission, as it was prepared before the service was broadcast. It may include editorial notes prepared by the producer, and minor spelling and other errors that were corrected before the radio broadcast.

It may contain gaps to be filled in at the time so that prayers may reflect the needs of the world, and changes may also be made at the last minute for timing reasons, or to reflect current events.

ANNO:
Now on BBC Radio 4, it’s time for Sunday Worship which comes live from Holy Trinity Church in Windsor. Canon Dr Edmund Newell introduces the service which begins with the anthem “Christ was the Word”

Choral introit/acclamation: - Christ was the word [Anthony Baldwin]

Edmund Newell
Good morning, and welcome to Holy Trinity Church, Windsor.

The past year has witnessed some of the most polarising public disputes in recent times. The EU referendum caused arguments just about wherever it’s been discussed – whether it’s in Parliament or more personally amongst families colleagues or friends. The US Presidential election, and the first round of presidential elections in France have been equally divisive. And now the UK prepares to go to the polls in local elections this week and the General Election on the 8th of June.

After the EU referendum, the Archbishop of Canterbury called the nation to learn to ‘disagree well’. In a speech in the House of Lords he observed that the Church of England, has itself not had – as he put it - a universally brilliant history of ‘diagreeing well’ ... “But it is something we have learned to do by coming together in carefully structured conversation’ he said.

In our worship this morning we’ll explore the theme of ‘disagreeing well’ – whether in our homes, churches, or our nation. We’ll do so by reflecting on the life and work of a remarkable but unsung 20th century figure, Amy Buller. Driven by her Christian faith, Amy Buller demonstrated how to go about disagreeing well through the political maelstrom of the 1930s.

Part of Buller’s legacy is the educational foundation I lead, based at Cumberland Lodge down the road from here in Windsor Great Park. Cumberland Lodge has a Christian ethos and seeks to promote peaceful, tolerant and inclusive societies. It does this by bringing people together to engage in constructive dialogue on some of the pressing issues facing society. It’s a place that seeks to model how to disagree well.

Cumberland Lodge has a close association with nearby Royal Holloway College in the University of London. Our readers this morning are “Amy Buller PhD Scholars” based at both Cumberland Lodge and Royal Holloway, and we are joined by the choir of Royal Holloway who will now lead us as we sing the hymn ‘There’s a wideness in God’s mercy’.

Hymn: There’s a wideness in God’s mercy [Corvedale]

Edmund Newell
Mindful of our own failures and weakness in our disagreements with others, let us come before God in penitence and faith.

For turning away from you,
and ignoring your will for our lives;
Father, forgive us:
save us and help us.

For behaving just as we wish,
without thinking of you;
Father, forgive us:
save us and help us.

For failing you by what we do,
and think and say;
Father, forgive us:
save us and help us.

For letting ourselves be drawn away from you
by temptations in the world about us;
Father, forgive us:
save us and help us.

For living as if we were ashamed to belong to your Son;
Father, forgive us:
save us and help us.

Merciful Lord, absolve your people from their offences,
that through your bountiful goodness
we may all be delivered from the chains of those sins
which by our frailty we have committed;
grant this, heavenly Father,
for Jesus Christ’s sake, our blessed Lord and Saviour.
Amen.

Edmund Newell
So what’s meant by ‘disagreeing well’? It’s not about coming to a common mindset or finding a compromise – though these might be highly desirable. Rather, it’s about striving to ensure that when we disagree we don’t allow our relationships to break down. It’s all too easy for a disagreement to turn nasty. It’s far more difficult to prevent differences of opinion from turning into personal animosity.

The starting point for disagreeing well is a willingness to engage constructively with those with whom we disagree. When we’re in disagreement there’s often a temptation to avoid the people we disagree with – either on a point of principle – ‘I’m not going to speak to him’ - or in the hope that the issue will go away. But this sort of approach can lead to all kinds of problems. I was once visiting a 95 year old gentleman from my parish who was in a hospice. He told me that because of a disagreement, he and his brother hadn’t spoken to each other for decades. Remarkably there was a deathbed reconciliation which brought peace and healing, but it was sad that it had taken such a long time to happen.

These types of encounters take courage and can make us vulnerable – the sort of Christ-like courage and vulnerability we sang about in our opening hymn, part of ‘love’s endeavour, love’s expense’, by the brilliant 20th century priest, William Hubert Vanstone.

The Gospels record Jesus as having all sorts of encounters and tricky conversations. What comes across – whether it’s his conversation with the Samaritan woman at Jacob’s well in John’s Gospel, the man with leprosy in Matthew’s Gospel, or Zacchaeus in Luke’s Gospel – is a real concern to engage with people, even if it broke social taboos or led to disagreement. Jesus cared about the spiritual wellbeing of others, including those it might have been tempting to steer clear of. There’s no better example of this than the story of the call of Levi – despised tax-collector who becomes one of Jesus’ disciples. This is the version from Mark’s Gospel:

Reading (Mark 2:13-17)
Jesus went out again beside the lake; the whole crowd gathered around him, and he taught them. As he was walking along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax booth, and he said to him, ‘Follow me.’ And he got up and followed him.

And as he sat at dinner in Levi’s house, many tax-collectors and sinners were also sitting with Jesus and his disciples—for there were many who followed him. When the scribes of the Pharisees saw that he was eating with sinners and tax-collectors, they said to his disciples, ‘Why does he eat with tax-collectors and sinners?’ When Jesus heard this, he said to them, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I have come to call not the righteous but sinners.’

This is the Gospel of the Lord.
Praise to you, O Christ.

Choir - ‘Ubi Caritas’ - Duruflé

Edmund Newell
“Where charity and love are, God is there, a setting of the antiphon for the washing of the feet on Maundy Thursday in that setting by Duruflé.

Someone who demonstrated how to ‘disagree well’ by engaging with those who had opposing views to her was Amy Buller. Her story is remarkable. During the 1930s, when she was the warden of a hall of residence at Liverpool University, she led delegations of British academics to Germany to have discussions with Nazi leaders, disturbed as she was by developments in Germany and the rise of National Socialism Buller was encouraged to do so by her close friends, and in particular by William Temple, who later became Archbishop of Canterbury. He knew about her strong connections with Germany and resourceful and resilient character. Those whom she spoke to included Joachim von Ribbentrop – the first Nazi to be executed after the Nuremburg trials – and Alfred Rosenburg, who was one of the main intellectual figures behind National Socialism.

Another person involved with these visits from the British side was the then Vice-Chancellor of Oxford University, A.D. Lindsay, who had this to say about Amy Buller:

Voice 1
I was impressed by the uncanny skill with which Miss Buller prevented the Nazis from exploiting those discussions for their own purposes, but above all I was impressed by her power of understanding in all its various aspects what was going on, how it was coming about that the idealism and devotion of German youth were being enslaved to monstrous things.

Edmund Newell
Amy Buller’s activities were controversial. Many believed that the Nazis should be kept at arms’ length, and it’s highly likely that she was being monitored by MI5 -being deemed to be too sympathetic towards them. But she was certainly no appeaser, and stood up to the Nazis. I don’t know if the passage we heard from Mark’s Gospel was a particular influence on her, but the way Amy Buller went about her work resonates very strongly with it: she was quite willing to eat and have challenging conversations with sinners and tax collectors, and to confound her critics in the pursuit of truth and – on those occasions when it was appropriate - reconciliation. Buller stood courageously against the great evil that was Nazism and condemned it at every turn. Her bravery came in facing those people who were so unbelievably wrong, to engage in rational and considered discussion, debate and disagreement, believing that this was the first and initial way to oppose such evil.
Amy Buller wrote a book about her experiences in Germany. It’s called Darkness over Germany, and it inspired King George VI and Queen Elizabeth to help her set up the educational foundation at Cumberland Lodge, to provide a place for people – especially young people - to meet for frank and honest discussions on social and ethical issues of national importance.

Darkness over Germany includes an extraordinary account of an exchange between Amy Buller and one of von Ribbentrop’s staff. It’s about whether the British delegation and Nazi leaders should discuss theology when they meet:

VOICE 2:
‘For heaven’s sake, don’t tell me that in spite of all I said to him, von Ribbentrop still suggests we don’t discuss theology’, Amy Buller says. ‘It is because you people are raising a theological question of the greatest significance. When you demand that men’s final allegiance is to the state, then you raise a fundamental question.’

Edmund Newell
The indomitable Amy Buller ensured that theology remained on the meeting’s agenda. It was also on her personal agenda, as she very much regarded this work as her calling as a Christian.
******
Demonstrating our Christian faith can take many forms, including the way we speak and listen in our conversations, and by the way we interact with our neighbours – as expressed in our next hymn, ‘We are your people’.

Hymn: We are your people [Whitfield music, with descant in v.6]

Edmund Newell
Another encounter that Amy Buller wrote about involved a friend, given the fictitious name ‘Professor Braun’ in case the book fell into the hands of the Gestapo. He, too, seems to have had the ability to disagree well. This is what she wrote:

VOICE 2
On one or two occasions Professor Braun had fallen foul of the Gestapo... I know within one month he and his wife had had about twelve visits from Gestapo men...

In their earlier visits it was obvious [they] did not feel they ought to take a glass of beer with the Professor, whose premises they were inspecting... However, one of them said as an aside to the other, “Maybe we’ll get him talking,” and thus they settled down to a glass of beer.

“Herr Professor, why do you oppose our Party?” said one of the young men.

“Well, you know it has to be that I oppose you because I believe in God,” said the Professor.

“But so does the Führer,” came the quick reply.

“Does he really?” said the Professor. “Well, it’s funny how differently it takes different people!”

Edmund Newell
Religion certainly does take different people differently, and often leads to disagreement, even over things which are widely and happily accepted in the contemporary world at large. One of those most contentious issues within Christianity – not least the Church of England – is that of human sexuality. It’s proved so divisive that over the past eighteen months its bishops, representatives from all it dioceses, and its parliament – (or General Synod) – have been having what are called ‘Shared Conversations’ on the issue for the purpose of understanding the differing issues between them better, in other words of learning to disagree well. The conversations have been serious and extended exercises where people of diametrically opposed views have sat down and taken time to understand one another better. One of those who’s been facilitating these conversations is Sandra Cobbin, now with us to share some insights on what’s been learnt from the conversations.

Address - Sandra Cobbin
I wonder what Peter, James and John made of Jesus’ new disciple, Levi? Levi isn’t like them, he isn’t one of them. They are fishermen and friends. He’s a tax collector and an ‘enemy’, gathering taxes for the Romans from his own people. No sooner has Jesus invited Levi to ‘follow him’ these fishermen disciples find themselves sharing a meal in his home. When the Pharisees asked them why Jesus was eating with a tax collector and sinners, I wonder if they wanted to reply: ‘we don’t know either, and we wish he wasn’t!’

It can be very uncomfortable to be with people who aren’t like us, especially when we disagree with them about things that matter to us. I’ve no doubt the conversation around Levi’s table was lively!

It might seem a somewhat revolutionary idea bearing in mind the many divisions in so many faith communities, but Christian discipleship calls us to relate to one-another in a Christ-like way, so that our relationships actually give a glimpse to the world of what God is like! Those of us involved in bringing people together for difficult conversations, from a Christian perspective, draw on what we read in the Gospels to inform how and why we do this.

We are told by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount that, in his Kingdom, peacemakers will be blessed. When we disagree with each other it’s easy for us to use words like bullets. But, if we take seriously our role as peacemakers, our words can build bridges over which we can meet each other and learn to disagree in a different way, to disagree well.

James, in his letter, tells us to be: ‘quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.’ When we disagree, winning the argument can become more important than the relationship itself. In the sorts of difficult conversations that I and others facilitate, we create opportunities for curious listening and for slow speaking. This kind of deep listening and careful speaking is not about agreement, it’s about understanding. Some of the most moving and grace-filled moments in my work with difficult conversations are when people who deeply disagree with each other are able to articulate the position of the other person calmly and clearly, even when they may not agree with it. There is something of God’s glory that shines out in these moments of understanding each other, of seeing beyond the disagreement to the person.

Differences in human sexuality are widely accepted in Western culture. But for some in the church there have been theological reservations. In the Church of England’s Shared Conversations we have created time and space for those in disagreement to share their personal stories. Telling one’s own story to someone who holds diametrically opposed views to oneself takes great courage. It requires vulnerability and an offering of trust, which may be refused or even betrayed. I saw glimpses of God’s glory in these acts of courage, vulnerability and trust.

Having shared personal experiences, participants then read Scripture together. In many cases they disagreed, sometimes profoundly, about how to read Scripture on matters of human sexuality. They were able to see beyond the differences and disagreements, to the person whose story they had heard. This helped them to listen deeply, to speak carefully and to seek understanding about their different approaches.

I began by wondering how Peter, James and John felt about Levi becoming one of Jesus’ disciples. Amongst the 12 people closest to Jesus I imagine there must have been a variety of experiences and characters. We see them disagreeing with each other about who Jesus is, what his priorities ought to be, how to spend the money they have and which of them is most important. But my own experience is, that as I spend time with people with whom I might disagree, I grow. I find I need to grow in patience and gentleness. I find I need to grow in love and grace, as I look beyond the tensions of our differences to the person whom God loves as much as he loves me. I find a joy of knowing and being known in the very differences that have brought us together and hold us.

There is a short letter tucked away towards the end of the New Testament, a letter written by the Apostle Paul to his friend Philemon. The bearer of the letter is Onesimus, a servant who ran away from his master Philemon after a falling out. Paul, the peacemaker, is urging these two followers of Jesus to be restored. Both men will need to take significant personal risk to do so. Both men will be open to criticism and misunderstanding from others. Yet Paul urges them as Christians to re-imagine their relationship not as master and servant, but as brothers.
Let’s listen to part of Paul’s letter now:

Reader
For this reason, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do your duty, yet I would rather appeal to you on the basis of love—and I, Paul, do this as an old man, and now also as a prisoner of Christ Jesus. I am appealing to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I have become during my imprisonment. Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful[f] both to you and to me. I am sending him, that is, my own heart, back to you. I wanted to keep him with me, so that he might be of service to me in your place during my imprisonment for the gospel; but I preferred to do nothing without your consent, in order that your good deed might be voluntary and not something forced. Perhaps this is the reason he was separated from you for a while, so that you might have him back forever, no longer as a slave but more than a slave, a beloved brother—especially to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. [Philemon 8-16]

Sandra Cobbin
What relationships might I need to re-imagine in the way that Paul describes, in order for us to put our relationship with each other above the disagreement between us, and in so doing experience personal growth and show a reconciling God to the world?

Choir ‘God you move among us’ [Carson Cooman]
God, you move among us with grace, with the lift and the sweep of the wind of the Spirit.
But we often refuse to move with you.
We stiffen our backs and tighten our souls and lower our eyes and mumble that we cannot dance.
Send us the truth that will set us free, free to bend with your Spirit, free to follow your beat,
free to give ourselves entirely to you, free to love and to live with the grace that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen.

Edmund Newell
The Choir of Royal Holloway with Carson Cooman’s ‘God you move among us’.

We’ve heard stories about disagreements, and insights into how to disagree well. Perhaps, in the process, this has stirred up within us thoughts and feelings about disagreements we’ve had – issues we’ve struggled with and relationships that have been damaged. So let us bring these before God in prayer. Let us pray.

Prayer 1
Lord God, through your Son Jesus you have reconciled us to yourself. Give us the courage to seek reconciliation with those with whom we have become estranged by disagreement.
Lord in your mercy
Hear our prayer

Prayer 2
Lord God, you have created us in your own image as a diverse people with freedom of thought and will. Help us to celebrate this diversity and freedom as a gift of your creation, and to not allow difference to become a source of division or conflict.
Lord in your mercy
Hear our prayer

Prayer 3
Lord God, we hold before you the complexity of our relationships; and we pray for healing and forgiveness where disagreements within our homes, neighbourhoods, communities, societies and nations have caused relationships to breakdown.
Lord in your mercy
Hear our prayer

Prayer 4
Lord God, we thank you for those who show us how to disagree well, especially as we face upcoming local and general elections. We thank you for the inspiration of Amy Buller. We pray for all involved in shared conversations and for those who mediate between those who disagree, and for the work of Cumberland Lodge.
Lord in your mercy
Hear our prayer.

Prayer 5
Lord God, we pray for the sick, the lonely, the bereaved and all those who suffer today. We think especially of those whose lives have been torn apart by war, famine or disease and those who live in fear. Rest your healing hands upon them and fill them with hope for a new tomorrow.
Lord in your mercy
Hear our prayer

And we say together the prayer that Jesus taught us:
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever. Amen.

Edmund Newell
May the Father from whom every family
In earth and heaven receives its name
Strengthen you with his Spirit in your inner being,
So that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith;
And the blessing of God almighty,
The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit,
Be among you and remain with you always.
Amen.

We end with a hymn which speaks of God’s interaction with our world, past, present and future, and of Christ’s transforming presence in our lives: ‘Lord for the years’.

Hymn - Lord, for the years [Tune: Lord of the Years]
Organ voluntary [5’00”]

‘Hymne au soleil’ by Louis Vierne