The Nun review by Ali Plumb - Radio 1's Screen Time

Synopsis:

The Nun - Taissa Farmiga as Sister Irene

This Conjuring prequel-cum-spin-off starts with a young nun at a cloistered abbey in Romania taking her own life, resulting in a priest with a haunted past (Demián Bichir) and a novitiate (Taissa Farmiga) on the threshold of her final vows being sent by the Vatican to investigate. So yes, it’s a horror. A big, blustery old-fashioned religious horror. Together, they uncover the order's unholy secret, risking not only their lives but their faith, confronting a malevolent force in the form of a demonic nun. As you do.

Pros:

• While they’re not the biggest names – yet – Demián Bichir (The Hateful Eight, Che, Alien: Covenant) and Taissa Farmiga (American Horror Story, The Bling Ring) are enjoyable here, delivering perfectly decent performances to the tune of some undeniably ropey screenwriting. And before you get too excited that Taissa being the sister of Vera Farmiga – one of the key leads of the regular Conjuring films – will pay off in any way, well… don’t. Because it doesn’t. It’s just a coincidence that they look very similar within “the Conjuring universe” and there is //no// pay-off. Just to be clear.

• As you may have seen from the trailer giving them away quite casually, there are a couple of decent jump scares in amongst the sweet smoke and spooky turrets. It’s not the best-shot horror you’ll ever see, but it’ll ‘getcha’ a couple of times.

• There’s campy fun to be had in the sheer excess of this film. The production designer, or perhaps the director, decided to go very, very long on the crucifix front – you could say they had a, ahem, crucifixion – and there are literally HUNDREDS of crosses dotted around the film: on the walls, in the graveyards, on fire, spinning round and round, on fire //and// spinning round and round, on jewellery, on keys, on doors, on //everything//. If you tried playing a drinking game where you took a shot every time you saw a sign of the cross, you’d pass out before the title hit the screen.

Cons:

• Aside from the initial set-up and the finale, the main bulk of this movie – when Bichir and Farmiga are wandering about the creepy castle, looking for clues – consists of a series of disjointed scenes that don’t make any sense. Odd, “scary” things happen, but not for any clear reason or purpose. It’s a messed-up, evil place and messed-up, evil things happen: why or how be damned, let’s bury someone alive and to hell with the consequences or requirements needed to make that happen. More than anything, The Nun doesn’t stick to its own logic – or any logic at all, really.

• The Nun has a couple of moments which are in such poor taste you’ll spit out whatever supersized soda you’re currently slurping. I’m not a particularly religious man, but there’s one incident which is so tasteless it’s genuinely beyond belief. Thinking back on it now, I had to double check on Wikipedia’s synopsis that it actually appeared on screen and I didn’t make it up. But it did happen. And it’s… kind of appalling.

• There’s a terrible kiss-off line for the ages in this film. To explain it here and now would be a spoiler of a sort, but trust me when I say it’s in the so-bad-it’s-good category where it goes round the other side and ends up just being really bad again. I really wish I could tell you, but I really shouldn’t. I mustn’t.

Three word review: An unholy mess.