Sam Fender song 'pulled me back from brink'

When Sam Fender played the track Dead Boys live on BBC Radio 5 Live's Nihal Arthanayake show, it had a powerful effect on one listener, Ben*.

So powerful, in fact, that it stopped Ben, a father of two, from taking his own life.

Shortly after, Ben wrote this email to Nihal:

Dear Nihal, I just wanted to write to you to express my thanks to you and your programme, in particular when you were interviewing the musician Sam Fender on 5 November.

For the last three years I have been chronically suicidal. I attempted it once a year ago and (luckily), failed. On 5 Nov around 14:30, I was at a particularly low ebb and was determined to kill myself. But then 'Dead Boys' by Sam Fender came on the radio. I sobbed all the way through the rest of your interview with him (I was never the sobbing type, even in the lowest times).

I then read more about what he has to say about male suicide online. I read the links he posted, then read some more. The clarity of your words and what I read, the experiences I sympathised with instantly; it all articulated it in a way that I was previously unable to hear. I went home that day and signed up to free online CBT.

I'm now getting more help, opening up more, attempting to reach out to those who help (hence this email!) and finding a way out of the deep fog of depression I have been in for nearly three years now. I even bought tickets to Sam's show in Brixton on February 28. So as part of this healing process, I wanted to let you know how utterly grateful I am that you decided to post that segment, on that day, at that time.

You (and Sam) saved my life, and spared deep despair and grief to my young family. By following your gut, and bringing to light the unspoken societal issues that plague us all, you pulled me back from the brink of oblivion. But now, your words and Sam's music made me realise that I have agency; by thinking in new ways, I can see the alternatives; I can begin to see once again that life is not there to be endured, but to be enjoyed.

Ben

The musician, Sam Fender, wrote ‘Dead Boys’ after one of his friends took his own life. The track, released in 2018, addresses the issue of male suicide.

“I wrote the song purely as a reaction to losing a friend from suicide and it was genuinely about the abject shock and the confusion left behind after someone does that,” Sam explained.

He said he was extremely moved to hear about the impact the song had on Ben: “I’m never ever going to overestimate this job; we are not heroes; we are not doctors; we are not here to save people's lives; we are primarily entertainers but when a song does connect on a level where it pulls them out of a place or makes them feel better on that day, it really does add a hell of a lot of weight.”

He said since performing it at gigs, he’s been messaged by fans thanking him for raising the issue: “For me the only pressure was I did not want anyone at home to think I was capitalising on a tragedy or anyone at home to feel uncomfortable about what I was doing. But since then I’ve had people messaging saying how it has helped them.”

Ben said he decided to allow 5 Live to share the content of his email, as he felt that it would be more of a tragedy if he didn’t talk about it. As an academic working at an English university, he said he was keen to share his story. "There are loads of people stressed out," he said.

"My thinking is that people will see someone like me in this position and can talk about it. It’s about talking. Then good things come from it".

5 Live presenter Nihal Arthanayake said receiving the email "floored" him.

"It made me shiver thinking of that moment Sam Fender performed 'Dead Boys' on my show," he said.

"The moment Sam and I sat down and talked about the song. The conversation Sam and I had, and Ben at his darkest moment, contemplating ending it all."

Nihal said he immediately wanted Sam and Ben to meet.

The meeting between Sam Fender and Ben took place in Brixton in February 2019, a couple of hours before Sam’s gig.

“It wasn’t just the song - that is obviously really amazing, the lyrics are absolutely spot on - it was the sound, it was your voice," Ben told Sam.

Sam said he was "stunned" to see the email.

“I was like, Jesus. I'd had people come forward and talk about their experiences in the past but you were the only time I have ever seen it affect a moment in progress. And thank God you did not go and do that.

“It doesn’t matter how many albums we ever sell, this is the best thing that has ever come from my music.”

Nihal introduced the two men by saying to Ben: "This is the man who saved your life."

Ben said: “Music isn’t just about entertainment. It is about emotional connection and there is something very visceral about that and quite important and it is the same with all kinds of creative activity… and I think it speaks to people in different ways and in different situations and in different times and in different parts of their life and I thank God every day that it was just happening at that particular time."

*Name has been changed.

If you are struggling to cope, you can call Samaritans free on 116 123 (UK and Ireland), email [email protected], or visit the Samaritans website to find details of the nearest branch.

Or see BBC Actionline.

Click here to listen to the full interview on BBC Sounds.