What you need to know to feel less overwhelmed

In Book of the Week on BBC Radio 4 this week Claudia Hammond investigates the feeling of being Overwhelmed.

Overwhelm is the persistent feeling that you can’t cope and that the demands on you are excessive. At its worst, overwhelm can lead to burnout where you are physically and mentally exhausted, but in this feature we explore how, using strategies based on the best scientific evidence, you can take the pressure off before you reach that stage.

Here are six things you need to know to help you deal with the stresses and strains of life:

One reason that feelings of overwhelm seem to be so common in the 21st century is that we demand so much of ourselves. We aspire to be a ‘super self’ and tend to be over-optimistic about the future and to overestimate our ability to change, which can lead to disappointment when we don’t. Studies have shown that an increasing number of us are prone to this ‘self-oriented perfectionism’ which makes us feel both super-competitive and that we’re not good enough.

There has been an even bigger rise in ‘socially prescribed perfectionism’ which stems from pressures we feel are imposed on us by others. In a study of students in in the UK, the US and Canada, Dr Thomas Curran from the London School of Economics found that this personality trait increased by almost a third just between 1989 and 2016.

But research shows that perfectionist tendencies don’t always serve us well; they don’t increase performance or lead to higher levels of life satisfaction. So we need to take steps to accept ourselves for who we are, and to accept that we all have limitations and can’t be good at everything. This doesn’t mean giving up on striving to improve, but it does mean valuing the things we can do well rather than chasing after vain dreams.

There are ways to stop the news from overwhelming you

The cycle of bad news can feel relentless and inescapable, which is why a 2024 study by the Reuters Institute found that four in ten of us worldwide are sometimes or often avoiding the news. This strategy may sound sensible, particularly when a study by Roxanne Cohen Silver of the University of California Irvine found that people who watched six or more hours of a day of media coverage of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing experienced, on average, higher levels of acute stress than those who were actually present at the incident.

But the answer is not to switch off the news altogether, rather it is to choose carefully how and when to consume it. Remember that the aim of the news is not to sum up the whole state of the world, but to tell us what is new and significant, so it’s inevitable that some headlines will be negative. Avoid new alerts that can interrupt a good mood. And take care not to doom scroll. Instead, make a plan to seek news at certain times of day from a source you trust. And look for in-depth pieces and more positive stories.

Most people don’t really know what they’re doing

The fear that you’re an impostor who doesn’t know what you’re doing and that you’ll be found out one is widespread. A review of the best research showed that more than eighty per cent of us experience the feeling at some point in our lives.

Yet self-described impostors don’t perform any worse than people who display high levels of self-confidence. In fact Basima Tewfik from MIT’s Sloan School of Management has found that they tend to be judged by colleagues as better than others at collaboration and interpersonal effectiveness.

The chances are that you are no more out of your depth than the next person. Remember that what you consider as a weakness in yourself may be judged a strength by others. It can be helpful to discuss your feelings of inadequacy, especially, research has found, with those doing a different job or a different course from you.

Not all stress is bad for you

Feeling nervous and stressed before an important event is not a pleasant experience. But we feel this way for a reason: to help us focus and to perform at our best. We need to reframe difficult situations as a challenge and a chance to shine.

In a study conducted at Harvard Business School the unfortunate participants were suddenly instructed to sing a karaoke version of the song “Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey, which they were told would be rated for accuracy. Those who were told beforehand to say out loud “I am excited’ performed significantly better than those told to say “I am anxious”. So viewing those nerves as excitement and developing what’s known as a “stress-is-enhancing mindset”, as opposed to a “stress-is-debilitating” mindset can help us both to cope and to do well. While chronic stress can be damaging, eliminating all stress from our lives would not be helpful.

You can avoid feeling beset by regret

Feeling overwhelmed by the pressures facing us today can be compounded by feelings of regret about the past. Studies show that regrets involving inaction outnumber regrettable actions by nearly two to one.

We need to be wary of ‘what-if’ thoughts, which tend to involve an idealised version of what might have happened had we taken a different path. It’s tempting to imagine your current self making the decision. But you’re not the same person as you were then; perhaps your past self didn’t have the confidence that you have now.

The trick is to avoid ruminating on regrets, without banishing them entirely because there’s evidence that we do learn from past actions and they help us to grow.

It’s not all about you

Sometimes life is overwhelming, not because you are putting pressure on yourself, but due to outside demands which can’t be avoided. Perhaps you have caring responsibilities on top of work.

Here it’s worth remembering that many things that happen in the world, including those that affect you, are not necessarily directed at you. Connecting with others can help you to appreciate that you’re not the only one who is struggling. Studies also show that helping other people through volunteering has beneficial effects on personal wellbeing. It takes the focus off you.

But if you are pressed for time, another way to induce a healthy sense of perspective about your place in the great scheme of things is to seek out awe-inspiring experiences. You don’t have to live somewhere stunning to do this. Inspired by the work of the psychologist Virginia Sturm when I need to walk somewhere I try to make it an ‘awe walk’ where I try to appreciate the beauty of, say, a single tree or a dead leaf or to marvel at how a railway bridge was constructed.

Knowing each of these things can help us to feel a little less overwhelmed in an overwhelming world.

Claudia Hammond is an award-winning writer and broadcaster. She is Visiting Professor of the Public Understanding of Psychology at the University of Sussex and presenter of BBC Radio 4's All in the Mind.