Shopping addiction: ‘I turned to shopping as a way to bridge the depression of my trauma’
You might have heard of ‘retail therapy’, burying your feelings in piles of new clothes, gadgets…or anything else that brings you joy.
But this could be masking a silent and deep-rooted problem which many people aren’t even aware that they have.
Shopping addiction has been on therapist’s radar for decades.
With living costs rising, people who rely on spending could find themselves sinking into even deeper financial problems. Christmas time is a known trigger for shopping addicts, according to experts.
5 Live Drive spoke to Ann who became dependent on spending in her late 20s. She battled with out-of-control debt for more than a decade.
“I was grieving, I’d lost my mum and her funeral happened to fall on my 28th birthday, which was a big shock”, she says.
“I was suffering from PTSD and on the one-year anniversary, I got to the point that I couldn't handle it anymore.
“I thought I'm just going to get out of the house, drive to the town and take myself for a little bit of lunch. I was feeling low and as I was walking along to the café, I saw a bright red knitted jumper with a daisy on the front in one of the shops.
“I went into the changing room, tried the jumper on, looked at myself in the mirror and said, ‘Happy Birthday Ann’. My whole mood had gone from a low to a high. I was feeling better.”
‘Whenever I felt down, I'd pop to the shops’
Ann found herself in a pattern; every time she felt down, she would go to the shops to cheer herself up.
“I had no idea of the impact that feeling depressed would have and turning to shopping as a way to bridge the depression of the trauma.”
A couple of years after her mother’s death, Ann lost her father and brother too. Ann tried to cope with her grief by herself and says that as “the traumas intensified so did my shopping habits”.
“When Christmas came around, I'd feel it was up to me to make the kids feel better so I would overcompensate by buying a present from grandma, grandad and uncle. I felt it was my job to make the kids feel better.”
“I was trying to cope with my own stuff. Whenever I felt down, I'd pop to the shops.”
‘I began to realise that money isn't the problem’
Ann’s buying habits went from spending what she could afford to getting her first credit card.
“I only wanted to use my credit card when I really needed it, but I would spend and spend until I could spend no more.”
“When I couldn't re-mortgage anymore, when the brown letters came flying through the door, when the bank manager said no, when the credit card was declined and when I almost lost my home, I began to realise that money isn't the problem, I'm the problem.
“Sometimes I would get to the till and wonder how I was going to pay for the week’s shopping.
“I knew that all the help I turned to out there wasn't helping. I had no idea of the solutions, but I knew I wanted to change, and I took myself off to counselling.”
Ann also went on a life coaching course and learnt about NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) and cognitive therapy.
Finally, she managed to find her way out of the spending cycle.
“I'm really savvy with my money now. I do treat myself but when you have a problem with spending, it’s not like drinking or smoking when you can just give it up.
“You’ve got to find a way of navigating through modern life. Thankfully online shopping didn’t exist when I had my problem, and I won't do online shopping now.”
‘There is plenty of support out there’
Conor D’Arcy is from the Money and Mental Health Policy Institute, which was set up by the Money Saving Expert Martin Lewis.
He believes that spending can often be “a way of cheering yourself up when your mental health isn’t great, when you feel down or isolated”.
“Once the goods arrive home or when the bills come through, you might then feel a sense of guilt”, he says.
Conor highlights that it can be very difficult for people to realise “where you draw the line between healthy spending and where it becomes a problem”.
But he insists that all debt problems can be solved and that there is plenty of support out there.
“There are lots of good budgeting tools to help you put into perspective how much you are spending and how much you can afford.
“But if you are really struggling with debts and repayments, you can reach out to Citizens Advice or StepChange debt charity. They are free.
“Talking to your GP is the best step if you are worried from the mental health point of view.”
