'I was convinced that blood was appearing on my costume without my control' - Zawe Ashton discusses period paranoia

Despite menstrual cycles being relevant to nearly everyone on the planet, monthly periods are still very much a private affair. Many women know only too well the fear of starting your period at an awkward moment.

Actor Zawe Ashton guest-edits Woman's Hour with Jenni Murray

Zawe Ashton, acclaimed actor, director, writer and producer has been treading the boards on stage and appearing at red carpet events for many years.

For someone who seems so comfortable in front of the camera, Zawe found herself experiencing an encroaching anxiety about starting her period on stage while performing in psychological thriller The Maids in London in 2016.

As the fourth guest-editor of the Woman’s Hour Takeover 2017, Zawe wanted to address the rarely discussed topic as part of the programme.

So would the most natural expression of womanhood be too much for an audience to handle?

“The performance and the translation that we did of [The Maids] was extreme,” she told Jenni Murray.

“There was a lot of running around, and a lot of semi-nudity, mostly from myself. Right at the top of the run I started to have these moments on stage where I was convinced that I’d come on my period.

“I was nowhere near my cycle, but I was convinced that blood was literally appearing on my costume without my knowing, without my control. A vivid part of that paranoia was feeling like the audience were laughing - there were nights where I could feel audience members pointing and laughing at me.”

Zawe soon discovered that one of the other female leads in the play was going through the same neurosis. Psychotherapist and author Philippa Perry believes it’s a manifestation of vulnerability.

“The usual fear that people have about being vulnerable in company and performance anxiety usually manifests in […] forgetting to wear your trousers or your skirt. So you’re feeling very vulnerable from the waist down, which is your sex, which is the very core of you.

“Both sexes hold a lot of anxieties about being exposed, and it’s sort of a metaphor for your whole self being exposed but we concentrate it on the most private, vulnerable parts of ourselves.”

Psychotherapist Philippa Perry joined the discussion

Jenni asked Philippa if this could be as a result of women historically being shamed for menstruating.

“This is obviously a particular female neurosis and I feel like it isn’t just in Zawe and her colleagues… women are shamed for being women.

“However much in our conscious minds we say, ‘No, I’m not having any of that,’ unconsciously we pick it up. Unconsciously we’re afraid of being humiliated for being women. So it’s not surprising that it manifests in a neurosis around periods.

“In other societies it can be seen as a symbol of power - a symbol of women’s fertility and strength, and that’s not how we tend to see it in the West. So I think it’s a metaphor for feeling vulnerable. It is vulnerable being on stage every night!”

Zawe acknowledged: “There had been a lot of discussion among the entire company about how amazing and how rare it was to have an all-female production in the West End.”

Referring to her co-stars Uzo Aduba and Laura Carmichael, she continued, “Our three names and faces were outside the theatre on this notorious stretch of theatres in town, and people were saying, ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen an all-female production’, specifically including two actresses of colour, outside a theatre in the West End.

“I wonder if that neurosis did lodge somewhere.”

When asked why this would affect young, confident women, Philippa responded:

“There’s so much misogyny around. When we find our voice and speak, trolls [on social media] attack us, saying we’re oppressing men. Of course we know that’s daft, but it does still penetrate; it does still have an effect. Nobody would say there’s an all-male production, there’s just a production.

“Our sense of entitlement [as women] needs to get a bit stronger.”

Zawe expressed that as someone who feels at ease with her body on stage, this was an unsettling fixation.

“I don’t ever want to feel on stage like I’m coming out of character or I’m coming out of the present because I’m worried about people wondering what that big red patch is that’s appearing on my dress.

“I always feel very comfortable getting naked on stage because I love that element of confrontation; I love that element of vulnerability. It’s empowering.”