Second and third year pervs (STYPs) are a nuisance every fresher has to deal with.

Robbie has some sound advice for recognising the cuplrits and then batting the inevitable irritants away.

By the time you get to the September before your second year, there is one thought that predominates your mind: 'I hope there are some fit Freshers!?'

Now, you may think is just a male thing, but it took an extra day to get to know one of my flat mates in first year as within moments he was stunned by the predatory skills of a third year female who 'spent the evening' with him. This was the Sunday night people! Technically Uni hadn't even started yet!

Luckily, it turned out to be a fluke on his part, as I was beginning to feel inadequate (took me 'til Tuesday), but he didn't get any more until May, so I soon felt better.

In fairness, these lustful thoughts usually give way to some kind of mature sensibility after a few days, allowing for a more refined approach to courting and the like.

However for some STYPs (second and third year perverts) the lure of young flesh is too much to cope with. I thought it sensible to provide some advice to young innocents hoping to avoid such advances (though undoubtedly some of you will be gagging for it) from someone who's seen it happen all too often.

The first thing you have to be wary of is people who are too friendly. Indeed this extends to most areas of life, and is a tip to be taken on board if you have not already.

The older gentleman who wishes to help you carry your bags to your room is either mentally deficient or after something more than a tip, the bearded third year who offers to take you on a tour of the Archaeology department (a bus ride away, look out for that one) is only interested in one type of excavation, and the friendly face who seems so keen to get your phone number in order to help you settle in, will be settling himself into your SMS inbox to an extent that will require police protection.

If they're too friendly, there's a reason for it. Politeness, manners and being nice is all fine, and people will be there to help you find your feet, but if they seem slightly periphery to everything that is going on, be aware!

The second important thing to be wary of is second and third years who are at Freshers' events. There are only three reasons for this. The first is that they are working there as part of the Students' Union or a JCRC which is fine; the second is that they are huge fans of campus entertainment, which is rare, and the third is that they are on the prowl. The third reason is the one to be wary of.

Should you come into contact with a second or third year who you believe to be only interested in you for one thing (that's sex by the way, if they just want the time, it's generally considered sociable to reveal all) that you are not eager to give, then I suggest you follow this advice.

The general rule of thumb for dealing with STYPs, and indeed for your life at University, is this: things worth having, don’t come easy.

You don’t get a first class degree without working to prisoner of war extremes, and fantastic people don’t often invite you to their caravan in Morecambe within minutes of you shaking their unusually hirsute hand.

My advice, if you are to find yourself cornered by a STYP would be as follows. (unless of course you’re a rather lovely young lady and the STYP happens to be me. But then I’m really very nice, just ask the BBC…)

You could lead the perpetrator on into believing that you will (to coin a wonderfully vulgar phrase) ‘give out’. Once they slip into this misguided belief, and you have them hooked in a comical ‘they-don’t-know-that-I-know’ vein, you can simply extract a couple of drinks from them, get them to lend you their jacket if it’s raining, get them to promise to give you all their expensive course books that they no longer need (thus saving you valuable beer money) then tell them you fancy their best mate.

You can then return to your flatmates to end your evening in wonderful joy, revelling in the thought that a poor third year biology student is having to tramp home to Tang Hall in the wind and rain, alone and scuppered.

And remember, second and third years may think that they are the experienced ‘know-it-alls’ in every field under the sun, but they’re not. You’re best off sticking to first years.

Unlikely to be weathered by York’s harsh terrain or to try and tell you about their recent project on quarks; more likely just to be up for a laugh

Back to the Freshers' Week Survival Pack

If you've been inspired by Robbie's words of wisdom and think you could hack it as a student diarist, find out more here.