Advice To Women
Author Unknown

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section,
buy a dog

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself over the joy of seeing you
buy a dog

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put infront
of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it,
buy a dog

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want,
buy a dog

If you want someone to scare away burglars, without a lethal weapon which terrifies you and endangers the lives of your family and all the neighbours.
buy a dog

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't give a damn about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies,
buy a dog

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores
buy a dog

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young and old, with breasts or without, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually,

buy a dog

But, on the other hand

If you want someone
who will never come when you call,
ignores you totally when you come home,
leaves hair all over the place,
walks all over you,
runs around all night
only comes home to eat and sleep,
and acts as if your entire existence
is solely to ensure his happiness,

Buy a cat.

(any resemblence to a man is purely coincidental)

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