What Really Happens During An Outside Broadcast?by John McMenamin Geraldine, Sean and Gerry
Go early to their bed
And the Sandman, sprinkles sweet dreams
Into each sleeping head. Geraldine, dreams of sunny skies
A holiday of fun
Wee Sean, dreams of golfing fame
At last a hole in one. Gerry, dreams of many things
Iside his weird wee head
I can't say what he dreams of
It's before the watershed. Three alarms go off at 6 o'clock
In the trios sleeping house
Gerry's and Geraldine's are digital
And Sean's is Mickey Mouse. Geraldine, makes the sandwiches
And wraps them up in foil
The tea, comes in a vacuum flask
It's made by Mrs Coyle. Gerry, brings the little buns
From a bakery in the Strand
Hugo's buns are cheap imports
And made out in Taiwan. The three meet at the studio
To load the little van
Gerry, says his back is sore
God, he's a lazy man. So, in then go the amplifiers
The headphones and the mics
Postmen shout, "Hello wee Sean!"
As they go by on bikes. Wee Sean, drives the small white van
It's from the BBC
Geraldine, hunkers in the back
Or sits on Gerry's knee. Wee Sean drives down a one-way street
Gerry's peering at the map
Geraldine sees it's upside down
And the three get in a flap. Then, they drive into a carpark
And the equipment is set up
A woman, looks at them suspiciously
As she walks her little pup. Inside a darkened cottage
Old Jordie combs his hair
He's thinking of the little doats
Who will assemble there. A canine sits beside him
While he shines and buffs his shoes
"Aye nice wee doats", he mutters
"Nice wee doats - and booze." Gerry checks the levels
The readings are quite low
Wee Sean, taps the microphone
And shouts, "HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!" At half past nine the crowd drift in
And stand around like sheep
Wee Sean runs away to hide
With one athletic leap. A farmer, lifts his auld torn cap
And scratches at this head
"Are you sure that's Gerry Anderson?"
I thought yon boy was dead The show begins at half past ten
As the rain begins to fall
Sean, is dragged out from his hiding place
Behind the toilet wall. A break, comes at eleven
While the nation hear the news
They eat their tea and sandwiches
And Jordie hits the booze. Then Gerry, grabs a farmer
And says, "Sir what's your name?"
The farmer can't remember
And shouts, I'm gayin' hame. Old Jordie, give an interview
He talks of pigs and goats
But all the time, his sly wee eye
Is checking out wee doats. By twelve, the show is over
The trio load the van
Wee doats, are running screaming
From a wild-eyed countryman. Off they trundle down the road
And Gerry shed a tear
"Don't worry Gerry" wee Sean says
We'll be back again next year. They pull into a lay-by
To have a cup of tea
A credit to the nation
A credit to the BBC. <...back | 
