THE DAY THE QUEEN MET GERRY ANDERSON By John McMenamin There’s great excitement in the palace
The Queen, with feather duster flits about
Phill says she, go underneath the stairs
And get the hoover out. Oh, please don’t fuss dear, said the Duke
With his face all bright and red
As he hoovered up the royal fluff
From under the Royal bed. You know who’s coming, said the queen
Rubbing Braso on her crown
Gerry Anderson - The glittering celebrity
From London-stroke-Derry town. What shall I call him, said the queen
If he should talk to me
Just call him Sir, the old Duke said
Oh, - and go down on one knee I’m so excited, said the queen
Now, did you hoover all the fluff?
Just think, Gerry Anderson, in our house
You know, he knows Jordie Tuft. I like old Jordie, said the Duke
He’s a simple country man
I’d like to have a drink with him
And shake his calloused hand. We like him too, the monarch said
Making use of the Royal WE
But Michael, in his little van
Ah, he’s the one for me. I like his merry laugh, said Liz
And the way that he says, Hi
And the stories that he tells, said she
Make me laugh until I cry. He’s always full of fun, says Liz
He reminds me of someone
Edward? Said the Duke. Edward who? Says Liz
Edward. - You know - our son. Oh, THAT Edward, the queen replied
As she wiped away a tear
I must sit on my throne, says Liz
I feel a little queer. I like old Jordie, said the Duke
Pulling on a sailor suit
I like him when he’s had a drink
He reminds me of a newt. He cured my corgi, said the Queen
When he was randy and so lewd
I put the courting out of him
With a splash of Jeyes Fluid. Phillip, said her Majesty
Run down to the pub
Get a take-out-on the slate, says she
To help wash down the grub. I’ve brushed the old red carpet
And it’s looking spick and span
And it’s ready for the Italian shoes
Of my favourite Irishman. I hope he come alone, says Liz
And doesn’t bring wee Sean
"Cause I just know he’ll holler out"
"There’s a man for you - on wan". He’ll eat peas from his knife, says she
And make us look like fools
Don’t turn your back on him, says Phil
Or he’ll grab your old crown jewels.
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