THE NAKED MANBy John McMenamin One day, in Belfast City
To help bring culture to the town
An unknown man took off his clothes
And started walking around. He sauntered round the city streets
He didn't seem to care
He hadn't on a stitch of clothes
He was naked - he was bare. As naked as a jay-bird
The people they were shocked
And bits of him would jiggle
As down the road he walked. No one knew the naked man
As he went strolling by
Women looked at him, with eyes downcast
They never looked him in the eye. When men they met the naked man
One thought flashed through their mind
Nature had been good to the naked man
Yes nature had been kind. Auld Maggie she peered after him
As he passed by her place
I know that man, auld Maggie yelled
I recognise his face! The naked man he never spoke
As he went on his way
And the Autumn sun glinted of his cheeks
On that pleasant harvest day.
And now he's at the junction
And see's the bright green light
See him flash his indicator
And then turn to the right.
When the City fathers hear of this
Their nobel legs go weak
How dare he walk nude round Belfast
By God, the bare faced cheek.
The MLA's are up in arms
And the DUP inquire
Was he armed with a weapon?
Did he breech the auld cease-fire.
Trimble tries to blame Sinn Fein
And the rumour flies around
That the Orange Order have stripped off
To march in Port-Ah-down. Someone then calls Tony Blair
Tony takes it to the Queen
And the Monarch asks, "This naked man
Was he orange or was he green?". Now the United Nations
Are shocked and all agast
As they talk about the naked man
Who's walking round Belfast
Now the police have cornered him
And show that they're no fools
By using a helmet strategically placed
To obscure the auld crown jewels.
So, just who was the naked man
Was the nude a taig or prod?
Well ask the one who made him naked
And that one - he was God.
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