THE MAN IN WHITE

By John McMenamin

Mary Whitehouse may be gone
But a man has took her place
He watched TV every night
With a stern look on his face.

He’s a knight in shining armour
He’s the man who’ll put things right
Like Spiderman and superman
He is the man in white.

By day, he’s just plain wee Sean Coyle
A player of Cd’s
At night our hero watches adds
That tantalise and tease.

If sex should rear it’s ugly head
Wee Sean, will be our saviour
His antenna send out warnings
If they pick up lewd behaviour.

He’s the conscience of the nation
He’s the man who puts things right
He’s wee Sean Coyle from Derry
He is the man in white.

He doesn’t leap tall buildings
Or stop bullets with his hand
But if there’s depravity or debauchery
Wee Sean, will take a stand.

Armed with the shield of justice
He’s a bulldog not a poodle
God help you boy, if you use sex
To sell an auld pot noodle.

His gimlet eye is on the screen
His pen is in his hand
A line or two is all it takes
To get an advert banned.

He’s the enemy of all things lewd
A crusader for the truth
His picture hangs on every wall
In the college of Manooth.

Young men in black look up to him
They pray to him each night
“Oh God” they pray. “May I Someday
Be like the man in white”.

Young children at their mother’s Knee
Have his face on coloured balloons
They retain their childhood innocence
“Cause he vets all their cartoons.

He watches over everyone
Like a shepherd with his flock
He’s the guardian of all decency
He’s the bastion (No, it’s not a spelling mistake) and a rock.

At this very moment
His eyes are on the screen
If sexy things offend his gaze
His good eye gives a steely GLEAM

His old Bic pen is in his hand
It’s cracked and worn with age
A naked bum-wee Sean yells – “LOOK”
And his face turns red with rage.

The Bic pen flies across the page
Addressed to Channel 4
“I saw a bum, last night” writes Sean
“Please don’t show it anymore.”

Thank god, we have a man like that
Wee Sean, will keep us right
He’s Ireland’s Super Hero
- He is the man in white.

The End (OOP’s that might be a bad word!)

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You might also like:
John McMenamin's website
Get Writing NI
RaW (Reading and Writing)